realpolitik | Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron

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Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron | 071

[this is a catch-all for boyfriends

here's a list

- ice cream ✓
- seasickness
- stahn sacrifice ✓
- reunion: judas ✓
- taming stahn's hair ✓
- piggyback rides ✓
- just imagine
- family dinner
- why is there pow hammer
- possessive leon
- apologies
- post-barbatos afterlife meeting
- AND MORE]

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[there's a melancholy that hangs in the air, but despite stahn's best efforts, they don't seem to fade at all.

it's not as if he doesn't know why, of course. at this time tomorrow, stahn will be on boat headed towards fitzgald, and while they both know it's not permanent by any means... well, it's not as if there's a way for stahn to visit his family in leane and get his belongings in a quicker way. naturally, he'll miss leon—but it's temporary. he'll be back soon. and that's exactly why stahn's trying to avoid putting a damper on the day, even if he's feeling melancholic... and even if he knows that leon will probably fuss more than usual before it.

but it's still a nice day; the air is warm as they sit out in the garden with freshly brewed tea. he's trying not to focus on the fact that he's leaving, so... small talk it is. it's better than sitting in silence, right?]

You're leaving for a mission this week, right? [he does his best to keep up with leon's schedule—he hasn't had to leave darilsheid much as of late, but stahn always seems to be keenly aware when he knows he won't be seeing leon for a few days. those missions, he's always well-aware of, even when it won't be directly affecting him.]

[Even Leon can recognize that it's strange how bitter he is about this.

It's just Stahn leaving for a short period of time for something necessary, after all. He has to go check on his family and let them know that he's alive. It's...necessary.

But after being able to live like this with Stahn, Leon's finding that he...enjoys it. He's not alone in the manor all the time, he's not stuck keeping himself busy to ignore the way that the silence seems to compound upon itself, and Stahn is the same level of happy, enthusiastic sunshine that he always is. Sometimes it gets irritating, but honestly? For the most part, Leon's happier than he can ever really remember being.

But... this is fine. He'll be fine. It's not like he's some hand-wringing girl who needs Stahn to be around all the time.]

That's right. I don't foresee any problems cropping up, so I should be back by the beginning of next week.

[Which is...still sooner than Stahn will be back.

By a lot.

Leon's expression tightens a little, and he sips his tea to focus on that instead.]

Mm, that's not so bad! How far away are you going?

[he's trying here—stahn's really trying to keep the atmosphere light, even though leon is clearly displeased with things, and stahn himself is a bit sad about leaving. even if it's temporary, and even if he's not really breaking his promise to leon...

he doesn't really want to go alone.

he wants to be able to travel with leon. he wants leon to see leane and meet his family and friends there... and maybe see just how different things can be. it's all out of kindness, of course, but stahn still knows that just isn't a possibility right now. still, he hates the idea of leaving leon for so long—it'll be a minimum of three weeks, but stahn also knows that lilith is going to put up a fight about things. which just takes him away for longer, and he's sure part of why leon is as grumpy as he is ties back to the fact that stahn has stated as much. he knows leon will be fine...

but neither of them are happy about this.

even still though, he's trying his best to keep the atmosphere positive.]

[Honestly....

Stahn's trying to be as cheerful as ever, and Leon's just left staring at him for a moment as if trying to decide if it's real happy or not--before he finally decides that Stahn's probably just excited to see his family. That makes sense, right? And it's the interpretation that doesn't get him all fussy and bristly.

At least, no fussier than he already is about Stahn leaving.

Which he is.

Leon is obvious.

He huffs faintly, lifting his cup of tea to sip it. This is nice, at least. He'll miss Marian's tea again when traveling, but at least he really doesn't have to go far.]

I will only be escorting a small squad to the outskirts of Darilsheid. [Seriously, he's not going that far beyond the city, it's just--] Managing the logistics of it will take some time though.

[He'll keep busy, even so.

... But he's a petulant baby, so:]

I certainly won't be gone as long as you.

You'll do great Leon. You always do!

[attempt to keep things light......

...

......

.........

failed.

not that stahn is surprised that leon is being a petulant baby about it, but it doesn't make him feel any better about things at all. his expression crumbles a bit, because it's hard for him to stay smiling so brightly when he knows that leon is being this way because of him.]

I'd make it faster if I could... Leane's still pretty far away without a flying dragon. [then he could be back in less than a full day or two at most, and be able to visit his family often. but flying dragons aren't exactly common, especially not after what happened with the draconis. it's not an option, which means going about this the traditional way is going to take longer. even if leon understands that, he's not making it much easier on stahn right now... and he's struggling just as much with leaving leon.]

[Sorry, Stahn... but ironically, it actually makes Leon feel better to see Stahn's expression crumble like that. Which is both mean and a little rude, but... it proves to him that Stahn wants to leave just as little as Leon wants him to go. For someone like him, who is so unsure at any given time that people actually want to spend time in his company, it's so necessary.

Stahn isn't trying to escape him, he just has to go. But he's not happy about it.

That makes all the difference for Leon.

Slowly, he sighs, breath escaping him gently, and some of the petulance actually fades away.]

... Well. [....] I suppose it cannot be avoided. Just don't dally around uselessly or get lost.

["Just come back soon".]

[okay, maybe that makes it a little better. he's not really sure what he said or did that changed his tune a bit, but.... stahn won't complain about that. it would honestly be harder to leave if things were truly sour at the end of his; being away for weeks when leon seems angry would leave him feeling horrible about it.

but his words now indicate otherwise—he can tell that leon will just miss him being around. even if he doesn't dare to directly say those words, stahn understand the words that are spoken, and he knows the tone that accompanies it, too. it's a lot easier to read leon's vulnerabilities when he says these sorts of things, rather than just being grumpy and angry at him.]

You don't have to worry about that. I know the way from Noischtat to Leane. I've never taken it the whole way, but it's pretty straightforward. [perhaps being perched on opposite ends of the continent makes things a bit easier. he smiles, gently... he still doesn't look happy in that bright way he was trying to maintain, but it's a little less devastated now, at least.]

I think in the end, Lilith is going to be my biggest road block. [haaaaa... he's already expecting that she's going to get angry and probably cry about it too. it's not going to be easy for stahn to deal with at all.]

[As per usual, Stahn has got him totally nailed. But Leon's able to pretend like he doesn't, and then everyone is happy. So Leon just frowns slightly in response to that, crossing his arms and tilting his head. It's hard for him to figure something like that out. Lilith...Stahn's sister, of course. Leon can't even begin to approach the idea of having family so attached to you that they don't want to let you go--it's totally foreign to him.

Would Rutee have ever--

No, that's silly. Rutee is too independent, and she doesn't like him anyway. Even if she knew, even if they'd spent more time together...

Silly.

He shakes that thought off quickly (no point in dwelling) before quirking an eyebrow at Stahn.]

And? After everything you've been through, you intend to allow your younger sister stop you?

[At least he seems more amused than put-out about this.]

No, she won't stop me. She'll just slow me down.

[that much, stahn is firm about. he shakes his head—there isn't a force in this world that could keep him from coming back ~~unless barbatos rises and slaughters him~~. that's why he shakes his head and knits his brows a bit.

maybe leon is amused by it, and he's glad that leon has enough humor in him for that, but it's something he wants leon to never doubt. he's coming back. he's coming back as soon as it's possible, once he's sorted everything in leane.]

She'll cry and a lot... and I'll probably get hit a lot, too. [both for leaving for months without a word and for not planning to stay in leane at all. and he's not sure if he's going to get hit with her fists, the ladle, or the frying pan...] It's hard to leave her like that... she may be lonely without me there. But when she calms down, I know she'll understand, and then it'll be okay.

[of course, leon's going to have to take a trip to leane too in order to meet her, because she's not going to concede easily, even once she's calmed down. but he'll just casually...

....not mention that part for now.

at all.]

[Wow, Stahn, don't talk about your sister like she's going to be some sort of final boss!!!

... though...the certainty is kind of gratifying. It makes Leon happy, anyway, even if he just ducks his head and sips his tea so as to hide that fact. A-ahem... But still, Stahn is that determined and focused to return. How could Leon not feel gratified?

There was admittedly a part of him that was a little worried that Stahn would get home, be surrounded by his warm and loving family again, and just...not want to come back. It's still a possibility, he knows. But when Stahn reacts like this, Leon believes in him all over again. He's pinning his faith and hopes on Stahn here, and...he thinks that's okay.

For as long as is necessary, if that's the case--]

Then I suppose I can wait. For now.

[He'll wait for Stahn. He'll be there when Stahn gets back, certainly. It isn't as though...anything bad could happen in that time, certainly not.

(Even if he does have a bit of an ominous feeling, it's nothing he can really pinpoint, and he's chalking it up to just not wanting to see Stahn go.)]

[she took kongman out in one hit. she's definitely the final boss.]

I won't take too long. [or at least, he's going to attempt not to.

the truth of the matter is that leon isn't the only one who has the sense of that ominous feeling; leaving darilsheid right now feels like a bad idea in some respects because of it. the idea of not being here if something goes wrong terrifies him. stahn doesn't want to break his promise, and maybe that's also why he's doesn't make promises on how long it'll take, either.

he doesn't want to let leon down. not about anything.]

I won't even have a place to come back to if I wait too long. [okay, so maybe stahn is joking about that. he doesn't think leon would give up on him that easily, after all. they've committed to this situation. if leon gae up on him so quickly... no, that just hurts too much to think about. he'd rather make his last day with leon a good one. so instead, stahn scoots his chair over (this would be easier if the chair had wheels, huh) so he can sit closer to leon.

and you know.

be within reach to grasp his hand when there are no maids around to notice.]

I'm happy I stayed, Leon.

That's right. If you take too long, I will tell the maids to stop bothering to dust your room.

[It's all lies, naturally--Leon would never give up on Stahn. Not after all of this. Not after he's pinned his faith on him--he can't. Leon can't give up on Stahn. He's bet...practically everything on him, so it's far too late to go back. So even though his words are like that... well, it's pretty obvious that he doesn't really mean it. Just like so many other things that he says and never means, these words are nothing.

There isn't even any bite to them. Honestly, compared to 90% of what Leon says, they're almost...joking...

Of course, then Stahn has to go and one-up him (and floor him) all at once. Even if he's gotten a little bit more used to affection, he'll still never be this familiar. Not when Stahn just reaches out and grabs his hand. Not when he scoots closer (wheel-lessly) just like that.

Not when Stahn's hand is warm, and Leon can only swallow, looking away from Stahn's earnest gaze and earnest words.]

... It isn't as though I asked your opinion on something like that, so don't think that I wanted it.

[But he did.

And Stahn's answer is such a relief that the unsettled feeling has entirely faded away.]

I know you didn't.

[he says that, and even if leon isn't meeting his gaze, stahn is still offering a warm, bright smile in his direction.

things like this are important to him; that's why everything about what stahn says and does is so earnest. it's why he isn't shy to grab leon's hand and hold onto his firmly as a remember that he's here right now. and it's why he has no problem offering up thoughts about these situations. he may step back from stating certain sentiments, or even actions that he think would be too overwhelming for leon (and it's hard sometimes, when sometimes he just wants to hug leon or smother him in chaste kisses), but he won't deny his feelings or let leon believe that he has a reason to think that stahn would ever change his mind.]

I just wanted to tell you anyway. That was my choice. [his choice, but something he does for leon's sake. because he knows that leon has doubts; he knows that everyone is keenly aware of how much stahn misses his family. but he's already decided to make this change in his life, and no matter what happens when he goes back to leane, he's determined to make it back to darilsheid and keep his promises. he wants leon to be able to relax, he wants him to not go into this situation thinking there's something to worry over. there isn't, there absolutely isn't.

stahn has made a choice, and now he'll be sure to express it at every given opportunity.

which seems to be working, if the way leon's reaction comes off as is any indication.]

[Stahn is so...earnest. Leon sneaks a glance back at him, and then immediately regrets it; his face flushes in response to the bright smile on his face, coughing quietly as he does. A-ahem.

It's so warm. Everything is so warm right now, including his hand in Stahn's. Everything is...warm. And he's content with that, even if he's not really showing it much--well. He's probably pretty obvious to Stahn, who knows him that well, but Leon's so relieved.

If Stahn can be this happy about coming back to him like this, then... what they have is truly something important, isn't it? It's actually something that--that means something. Stahn isn't going to leave him behind. No... Stahn's going to come back, and they'll be able to continue on together and it should be fine, right? Being able to believe in that... it's important to Leon.

It's important to Leon in ways that he can't actually put into words, because it's brand new to him, but even so... to have proper devotion like that, but one that goes both ways--the devotion that comes of being on the same level, and being peers, and so much more than what he's had before...

It makes him warm.]

Yes, well... [He appreciates it.] Just prove it, soon enough. [Come back soon.]

I will.

[he says this, and stahn's smile brightens to an obnoxiously bright level of sunshine. somehow, a crisis has been averted here. this didn't end in leon blowing up at him, refusing his affections, or remaining so angry and pouty about things.

somehow, he'd been able to convey his own feelings and convictions in a way that got through to leon without pushing any boundaries. for stahn, things like that feel like small victories, and they're enough to really brighten his mood. he's happy, because he knows that leon isn't mad. he's happy, because he knows that leon's attitude is because stahn will be missed, and things will be lonely. it makes stahn want to work harder to make things go smoothly. there's no doubt that ominous feeling will return, especially when he'll be out of contact with leon for a while... so he has to embrace these happy moments.

he tightens his hand around leon's, grinning.]

Just be patient, and it'll be like I wasn't even gone at all! [okay... that's probably stretching it, but it's stahn's way of giving an indirect reply. i'll be home as soon as i can.

which he doesn't say directly, because he isn't sure if leon's is ready to, or even wants to hear stahn refer to darilsheid and the manor as his home... even if that's what it is now. he'll always be a country boy at heart, but he's leaving that life behind so he can be with leon.]

[... Okay, yeah, it's obvious that that's a problem here. Leon... will obviously notice that Stahn is gone. He can't help that. after all, he doesn't want Stahn to go, and so before he's even thinking about the things he's saying or how he's responding, or how it can be taken, he scoffs.]

Don't be ridiculous. There is no way that could ever be the case.

[In his haste to point out how ridiculous Stahn is being, he seems to have failed to realize that he's basically admitting flat out that he'll notice that Stahn's gone and he'll miss him.

Oh Leon, you fail at so many things (but he isn't going to fail to continue holding Stahn's hand, if loosely.)]

[ah.

maybe leon doesn't realize what it is he just said, but stahn does. it sure really was an admission that that he would be missed—and while stahn already knows that's the case, actually hearing it from leon?

it's just totally different.

not in a bad way of course.

but it doesn't stop stahn's heart from beating faster, and it doesn't stop slight way he feels his face heating up. it's exciting, because leon isn't one to offer up statements like that so directly; even if it wasn't intentional... it was honest. and stahn knowsi was honest. he knew leon would miss him, but to hear it in that way—that there's no question for leon that his presence would be missed... that feels like a milestone of sorts.]

Right... [he tries not to draw too much attention to it, but part of him is definitely an ecstatic golden retriever right now.]

I guess it won't be the same for me either. [he's gotten so used to leon just being there, especially when traveling. so... it's a shared sentiment, if nothing else.]

[Yeah, definitely don't bring attention to it. Leon's content because he doesn't know. He doesn't know that he basically flat out said how he was feeling. That he wants Stahn to be around. That he likes Stahn, and having him around, and... he needs him to stay around. He needs him home.

He needs Stahn, now.

And there's no going back from that.

Leon's left tilting his head, really, because he has no idea why Stahn is so happy right now, but... fine. It's fine. It's...fine that Stahn is happy. (If anything, it's good that Stahn is so happy.]

Yes, well... Naturally, it will not be the same. [And quietly:] It will be quieter, for one. [No loud, noisy party.]

[it's probably for the better this way, because stahn's sure that if leon realized it... he'd have been too embarrassed and that never pans out well. leon seeking out an escape route when they don't have much time left is... not idea. so it's fine.

he'll just be happy about the whole thing and also be grateful for the fact that it happened at all. even if they're things stahn already knows (and agrees with, at least from his perspective), getting that verbal confirmation is still important to him. stahn's an expressive person after all. still... he does no how to play leon's game.]

Mm. I won't hear about how noisy it is. [he can communicate in leon speak too. "you won't be there with me."]

[He does. Nobody can play Leon's game quite as well as Stahn when he really wants to--he just usually steamrolls right over it instead. But Leon can understand what he's getting at, and...well, it's said so delicately that he's almost amused (no, he really is amused). He snorts softly under his breath, even as he lifts his cup of tea to take a delicate sip with his free hand.

So prissy, sometimes.]

No, of course not.

[Not even Dymlos will be there, after all--it'll just be Stahn on his own. Which...it's a strange thought. Really, Leon can hardly imagine Stahn traveling alone.

He's always seemed like the sort that needs company, which is why after a brief pause, he has to ask:]

Will you be all right?

[A beat.

That was awfully sincere, which he realizes a moment later.]

That is--it isn't as though I care, but it would be pitiful if a hero of Seinegald was waylaid by simple bandits, or something of the like.

[it's incredibly sincere, and that doesn't slip past stahn either. it's so hard to miss, and if his face hadn't already still been a little flushed before—it definitely is now. regardless of the fact that he almost immediately covers it up...

well, it can't be denied what was said.

leon's worried for him. that he's travelling along when he dislikes being alone, that he's without the swordian that helped to make him a "hero" at all. again, it's not as if stahn has any doubts that leon cares, but him expressing it really gives stahn a rush.

(how can he like leon so much that something so basic makes him so happy?)]

It'll be weird without Dymlos, but... I've learned a lot that a bandit shouldn't get me. [or a monster, or anything else. though the truth of the matter is that he does have to take a regular sword with hin now; he can't go on defenseless like he once did.

he smiles, but there is still another truth that lies in it. he will be lonely. without leon, especially... but without dymlos and the others too. it'll be a long journey in both directions without any of them there.]

[They're doing great here. (And actually, for once, they really are, it's not sarcastic at all.)

Besides which, what Stahn says is true; Stahn's too skilled for something as basic as bandits or monsters to get. Still... there's a part of Leon that worries. He can't help it. It's weird, a strange sensation, but... he accepts that he supposes it means he cares. He cares, so he worries. If Stahn at least had Dymlos, then...

... But no, he'd have to talk to the king for that, and while Leon thinks he could swing something with the king at this point after his most recent success, he'd have to go through Hugo too. That's more complicated, and for a moment the corner of his lips turn down--and then he shakes away the thought. Well. For now, Stahn will be fine, and he can figure out the Dymlos thing later. It's just strange to Leon, who has had Chal alongside him all his life.]

Yes, well...I suppose your swordsmanship has improved somewhat.

[they are doing well, and it really eases some of stahn's worries about leaving. it isn't as though he feels like leon would ever change his mind...

but it definitely feels like "coming home" when you're returning to someone who misses you. maybe going back to leane is "going home," but... he can have two homes, right? they're important to him, his family. but so is leon. and though stahn had always liked leon's company, he wasn't always so sure that things could be this way. and now... now, leon is important enough that leaving is hard.

and it's hard because he knows he'll be missed. but he'll be okay, and he knows that. stahn knows that all the loneliness will be worth it when he can return to leon's typical scoffs and the silent way they hold hands. it'll be okay.

(foreboding feeling be damned.)]

Thanks to you, Leon. [it's a good thing dymlos isn't here to hear stahn say that. obviously, though leon taught him a lot about proper swordsmanship, dymlos was a massive contributing factor.

minor details right now. not important... what's important is acknowledging that leon helped him so much along the way, and he's going to use that to his advantage.]

[Ah yes. As ever, Stahn has to totally embarrass Leon. He pauses at that, and then he looks away, flicking his hair from his face with a quick (totally embarrassed) gesture. He's trying valiantly to hide it, of course.

He's trying so hard.

It's just not really very successful.

Hmph.]

Well. It wasn't as though I could leave you to be as hopeless as you were. You would have been useless against Greybaum.

[But... no. Stahn learned a lot, from Leon and Dymlos and everyone, and he was far from useless in the fight against Greybaum. So... Stahn will definitely be fine here and now, just traveling along the lines of a relatively safe trip.

There's no need to worry.

(So why can't he shake that heavy feeling on his shoulders, like something is going to go terribly wrong?)]

You don't have to be so harsh about it.

[useless!! that's a strong word, even if stahn knows that really, it has no weight at all. it's his own fault, for saying something that would embarrass leon... but it couldn't be helped. it's just something he felt like he needed to say.

(besides, he knows that deep down, it feeds leon's ego. not that it needs to be fed, but stahn doesn't mind that part of him at all.)

so even though stahn is pouting a little, it's just as weightless as leon's words. he's not really put out by it at all. they've already established that they don't need to worry. (even though they still are. and even though stahn can't shake the feeling.

can't leon just come with him?)]

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Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron | 071

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