That's what I was going to do before all this anyway. I don't think I'll become a soldier, but... I think living in Darilsheid for a while could be nice! Maybe I'll be able to find something else I should be doing that way.
[time for a little bit of soul searching? maybe. maybe it's that, because stahn doesn't have a set path in life that he can see. he doesn't really know what he wants to do; and while he knows he wants to settle down in the future and just be some kind of family man—he's not at that stage yet.
he has time, and once this conflict is resolved, he need to work towards that. he can't stay in leane forever when there's so much more the world has to offer. he can't stay in leane when... leon in darilsheid. or maybe be can but he doesn't want to. and he knows that leon doesn't want that, either. despite the way their conversation from earlier went, he can tell from those words that leon wouldn't mind it. he wouldn't refuse it.
leon could call it lackadaisical if he wants, and maybe there is something impulsive about the idea. but to say it's the first time that it's crossed his mind would be a lie. he hasn't known all along just what to do, or how to go about it. they've been so focused on the mission in front of them that stahn hasn't been afforded too many chances to really sit and figure it out. but when he's next to leon... he feels warm. and the idea of parting from leon so soon after they've figured this out...
it would be lonely.
stahn can recognize that, and if he knows that he would be lonely, then what would that mean for leon, who doesn't have anyone beyond chal and marian? he can't... he can't just leave leon alone, that much is what keeps filtering through his mind every time he tries to figure it out.]
I can go on an adventure later. The world isn't going anywhere, and I'm ntot either. So... I'll have time to do those things. [later, when things are calm. maybe when leon can stay with him and they can experience things together. so then neither of them has to be alone.]
I'll still have to go back to Leane to check in on Gramps and Lilith but... [he shifts his gaze to leon, and the smile on his lips is as warm as can be.] I like Darilsheid a lot, so it would be nice.
[really, what he means of course, is that it'll be nice to be around leon. not that he doesn't like darilsheid, but it could be there, leane, noischtat or even here in cyril, and he'd be perfectly happy because he could be near leon.
...and maybe he could do something about that shared feeling of foreboding, too. he may not have it in the same sense leon does, and he may not even know that it exists with leon. but stahn knows it's there; something about hugo... something about hugo and leon's relationship... he can't leave them alone. something bad feels like it could happen if he does, so that only seals it more in his mind. maybe he's totally wrong and the feeling is a false one, but stahn's not one to misjudge a person. something there is wrong.
so he needs to stay with leon and make sure he doesn't hurt alone if something happens. he needs to be there and be the wall of support he promised just a little while earlier, always.]
no subject
[time for a little bit of soul searching? maybe. maybe it's that, because stahn doesn't have a set path in life that he can see. he doesn't really know what he wants to do; and while he knows he wants to settle down in the future and just be some kind of family man—he's not at that stage yet.
he has time, and once this conflict is resolved, he need to work towards that. he can't stay in leane forever when there's so much more the world has to offer. he can't stay in leane when... leon in darilsheid. or maybe be can but he doesn't want to. and he knows that leon doesn't want that, either. despite the way their conversation from earlier went, he can tell from those words that leon wouldn't mind it. he wouldn't refuse it.
leon could call it lackadaisical if he wants, and maybe there is something impulsive about the idea. but to say it's the first time that it's crossed his mind would be a lie. he hasn't known all along just what to do, or how to go about it. they've been so focused on the mission in front of them that stahn hasn't been afforded too many chances to really sit and figure it out. but when he's next to leon... he feels warm. and the idea of parting from leon so soon after they've figured this out...
it would be lonely.
stahn can recognize that, and if he knows that he would be lonely, then what would that mean for leon, who doesn't have anyone beyond chal and marian? he can't... he can't just leave leon alone, that much is what keeps filtering through his mind every time he tries to figure it out.]
I can go on an adventure later. The world isn't going anywhere, and I'm ntot either. So... I'll have time to do those things. [later, when things are calm. maybe when leon can stay with him and they can experience things together. so then neither of them has to be alone.]
I'll still have to go back to Leane to check in on Gramps and Lilith but... [he shifts his gaze to leon, and the smile on his lips is as warm as can be.] I like Darilsheid a lot, so it would be nice.
[really, what he means of course, is that it'll be nice to be around leon. not that he doesn't like darilsheid, but it could be there, leane, noischtat or even here in cyril, and he'd be perfectly happy because he could be near leon.
...and maybe he could do something about that shared feeling of foreboding, too. he may not have it in the same sense leon does, and he may not even know that it exists with leon. but stahn knows it's there; something about hugo... something about hugo and leon's relationship... he can't leave them alone. something bad feels like it could happen if he does, so that only seals it more in his mind. maybe he's totally wrong and the feeling is a false one, but stahn's not one to misjudge a person. something there is wrong.
so he needs to stay with leon and make sure he doesn't hurt alone if something happens. he needs to be there and be the wall of support he promised just a little while earlier, always.]