[Judas' hurt is a lot more raw than Stahn's; Stahn gives him a melancholic smile, but Judas can't return the expression. It's all still a little too close for him, especially since he never really had the chance to properly mourn.
And mourning now, in a house filled with so much love and warmth, feels uncomfortable and wrong in a lot of ways.
Honestly, Judas is glad that they'll be taking this trip--just him and Stahn. Around Stahn, he's comfortable enough to mourn. Around Stahn, he doesn't have to hide it, because Stahn understands it all already. So Judas just breathes out a slow, quiet breath and nods. Of course the Swordians had wanted them to live. They'd loved them, as their precious partners--there can be no doubt about that.
But thinking of how tired Chal must have been when he finally got to join the others, eighteen years late after spending all of that time alone with nothing more than a corpse...
It hurts in a lot of ways, but he's also relieved, and guilty, all at once.]
... I apologized... to him. [Many times in the evening when taking watch away from Kyle and the others. He apologized for making Chal go through that, but...]
... He was not particularly...inclined to hearing it, though.
[Even so--it was hard and still is hard not to feel guilty for what he put Chal through. The other Swordians got to retire to wherever they are now knowing they'd saved the world. Chal...had been alone, knowing nothing but that he'd betrayed his comrades.]
no subject
And mourning now, in a house filled with so much love and warmth, feels uncomfortable and wrong in a lot of ways.
Honestly, Judas is glad that they'll be taking this trip--just him and Stahn. Around Stahn, he's comfortable enough to mourn. Around Stahn, he doesn't have to hide it, because Stahn understands it all already. So Judas just breathes out a slow, quiet breath and nods. Of course the Swordians had wanted them to live. They'd loved them, as their precious partners--there can be no doubt about that.
But thinking of how tired Chal must have been when he finally got to join the others, eighteen years late after spending all of that time alone with nothing more than a corpse...
It hurts in a lot of ways, but he's also relieved, and guilty, all at once.]
... I apologized... to him. [Many times in the evening when taking watch away from Kyle and the others. He apologized for making Chal go through that, but...]
... He was not particularly...inclined to hearing it, though.
[Even so--it was hard and still is hard not to feel guilty for what he put Chal through. The other Swordians got to retire to wherever they are now knowing they'd saved the world. Chal...had been alone, knowing nothing but that he'd betrayed his comrades.]