[WELL. . . IT ALL TURNED OUT FOR THE BEST??? AT LEAST. and he can't totally deny that he'd do the exact same thing if his options were "get killed by a Shadow" or "take a risk with a firearm." a faint hint of amusement appears on his expression]

A mask appeared on my face, and I felt this weird urge to rip it off.

. . . there was a lot of blood, if I remember correctly. . .

[and it also felt like something was trying to rip its way out of his head immediately beforehand but YOU KNOW. . .]