realpolitik | Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron

[stahn won't bring it up either; neither of them really needs to talk about the tears they're shedding right now.

stahn's are much fewer in comparison to the day before, but there's a spillover here from just how touched he is by leon's attempts to be there for him. he's sad and touched and he feels so warm all at the same time. even the way leon brushes his tears away feels so warm.

there's just something incredibly sincere about this moment. even with the sadness that hangs over them, even with how they're both trying so hard—there's still something about it all that spreads that warmth in stahn and makes him incredibly grateful for leon's place in his life. and for his own in leon's.

with his face still close to leon's, and an attempt to catch his own breath, just the barest trace of a smile forms on his lips. it's undoubtedly still laced with a certain kind of sorrow, but... there's still a lot of good to be had. there's a lot of good that remains in this world.]

We'll be okay. [he says it, quietly. stahn's sure they'll be okay, because they have each other. because they can lean on one another at their worst moments, and because they can count on each other for even the smallest of comforts when things get hard.]

We'll keep going... we'll stop Hugo... we'll get Marian back. We won't let anyone take away anything else important to us. [well, as much as can be possible—but it's not like stahn yet knows about what will become of rembrandt, ritora or the swordians in the future.]

...You're really as ruthless as ever when you want to be...

[so rude, not playing along with his jokes but then snorting about it! rude!!

...even though it's really not a bad thing at all. stahn could get used to this, even with all the play ribbing. the dynamic has changed a little, but not in a bad way by any means. this... this is nice. it's warm and it's comfortable.]

[They will.

They'll get Marian back. They'll stop Hugo. Nothing like that will happen--they won't let it. Everything will be fine.

Leon has Stahn to support him, and Stahn has Leon. Isn't that enough? He's pretty sure that should be enough--which makes him feel like maybe... just maybe, everything really will be okay.

It helps a lot.

So quietly, Leon breathes out, nodding simply. This is enough. He doesn't need more than this. And they'll both have to mourn Ilene more, when they have the time, but for now...?]

Of course we will. We will handle this situation without any further complications.

[Probably.]

...For now, though, the others are probably awake. [They should probably think about cleaning up and joining them.]

[Of course he is.]

Honestly, what would you expect? A person cannot change that much in such a short period of time.

[Or...well, it was short to Judas, at least.

(Even though he really has changed that much.)]

Ah... right.

[it's not as if stahn has completely forgotten the circumstances, but it still feels a bit strange when he remembers that the others are staying in the manor, too. when they first arose, it may have been too early for everyone to be up... but by now, it's like y at least some of the others are up and about. philia and woodrow especially were early risers, after all.

and it doesn't seem like he'll be able to make it back to his room too discreetly, either.]

Sometimes, time goes a little faster than I realize... [which is his way of saying that being in this position with leon is a big distraction, even if it's undoubtedly a welcome one. he hadn't realized enough time ad passed that it meant it was time to get ready to face the day.]

I probably really need to clean up too, huh. [it's a somewhat weak statement, when stahn knows already that he looks like a disaster between the crying from the day before, the lack of sleep, and their emotional moments so soon fter waking up.

funny, because leon looks as good as is possible, given the circumstances.]

I'd say you're right, but you've changed a lot in other ways.

[naturally, stahn will be the one to point it out, because that's the sort of person he is.]

[... Yeah, Leon hasn't even thought about the fact that everyone will probably see Stahn leaving Leon's room this morning in a disheveled walk of shame.... he probably won't think about it until he sees everyone out there.

And so he just nods quietly, moving to sit up and stretch a little, scrubbing at his face with a hand. He's a bit of a mess as well, though not so much as Stahn. That's just their due, it seems -- Stahn is the sort to get messy and Leon tends to be less so, even during times like these.

But... strangely, even after that, he feels better.

That helped him to feel better. Leon's not sure how to feel about that, but... he'll accept it, because he needed it. And because looking too closely at how crying with Stahn makes him feel better will bring him to dangerous levels of sappiness.]

Yes, you should. We will have a lot to do today. [A beat, and--] ...Are you ready? [Not just this morning, but... in general, is Stahn ready to tackle things again?]

Don't...be ridiculous...

[That's said...really weakly and not fiercely at all.

Because he sure knows it.]

[there's a definitely truth to this situation—somehow, stahn does feel a little bit better about things as well. it's still not easy by any stretch, but he feels a bit less like crying and bit more secure in putting one foot in front of the other.

he draws in a quiet breath, looking to leon and giving his head a firm nod.]

Yeah. Don't worry about me, Leon. I know what we have to do... I won't slow us down. [it's probably not the best vote of confidence, because he's not nearly as ready or okay as he normally would be.

but he's not going to give up.

and he's not going to let leon down, no matter what. he can't. he can't let that happen, so stahn will do everything in his power to ensure he's okay and can be the pillar of strength leon and the rest o the part need during this whole ordeal.]

Who is being the ridiculous one here?

[he chides, because that's what dads do.]

Then...when this is finished.

[It's said haltingly, but...painfully sincerely, because Leon considers this very very important. It's nothing that he thinks will fix Stahn or the situation, of course; it's too serious for that, as much as he wishes it could. But... maybe it'll be enough to help a little.

To help wipe away some of the haggardness and weariness from Stahn's face, where it doesn't belong.]

... I would...like to-- [....... He clears his throat, looking away.] ... I would like to more properly discuss...what a more permanent arrangement would look like.

[For their relationship--since they haven't really talked about it yet. He's invited Stahn into his home, and they've shared kisses and hugs, but they haven't discussed it, and... Leon wants to. When this is all done.]

You.

[JUDAS ISN'T BACKING DOWN HERE.

You can't possibly be surprised.]

A more... permanent arrangement?

[stahn understands that leon is trying, and that what he's saying is important. but... he's also not really sure what it's supposed to mean.

was the arrangement not permanent as it was? leon had already given him a room, he's let stahn stay in his room and in his bed outside of that. they hold hands and they and they hug—stahn has already left his hometown and his family for this.

so...

?]

Me?

[yeah, stahn is going to chide him like he does with the kids because he can.]

[Stahn, you're killing him here... he's trying so hard, but each word is a labor of love here... it's killing him to try to put this into words for Stahn.]

That is, I... would like to say that-- [AGH...HE'S ALMOST IN PHYSICAL PAIN HERE.] --you and I, we are... nothing needs to change, naturally, but--!

[This does not come easily to this poor teenage boy...]

I would like to...permanently define...what we are. Properly. In words.

[look, all he's saying is that he wants to be "boyfriends", please stop putting him through this torture.]

Yes. You are the one who is being ridiculous. It must be in your nature, as ever.

[Judas does tend to have a sharper tongue than most kids.]

...Was it not defined before?

[this... is confusing to stahn.

not that this is bad at all, but he didn't realize that leon was thinking about their relationship in broad enough strokes that he felt he needed some kind of definition.]

I mean, it's okay if you want to talk about it later, Leon... but I don't know if there's really that much to say...

[that pause is long, the way stahn has his lips pursed and he scratches at his head through disheveled hair while he tries to gather his thought about the situation.]

I wouldn't have decided to stay here if I wasn't serious.

[he's starting off pretty strong. but looking at leon's flustered face and hearing that strangled, struggling tone of voice repeating in his mind... well, it kind of flusters stahn a bit too.

he's never done this, after all.]

So, I— [what is the word they use here? boyfriend? dating?

it feels kind of weird to him to refer to leon in those terms, because leon is so much more to him than that.]

I don't know what to call it, if we're honest. You're... my best friend, Leon. [his head dips a little... it's probably way too early for this conversation, especially after everything that's happened in the last day or so.

—though maybe that's why it needs to be said. just as a safety. just as assurance.]

I, I really like ["love"] you a lot though so. I don't know what you want to call that. Eheh... but... whatever it is, I want to stay that way.

[stahn's face is red, but his dipped head hides that. what it doesn't hide is the way his hair has shifted, revealing how red-hot the tips of his ears are.]

Maybe, but that doesn't mean you aren't too.

[listen, judas! he also has rutee to contend with and he's learned a lot from her sass over the years. he'd not about to be out-katrea'd so easily.]

I--

[... Leon's not really sure what he was hoping for from this conversation, admittedly. Something to make Stahn look less worn ragged, and something to guarantee that he and Stahn are something special. But... even so, it doesn't come easily to Stahn, either, does it?

Of course they're serious.

Leon would never trust someone to stay in his bed otherwise.

But... "best friend" feels both correct and not enough for this moment. Leon wants it to be something else.]

You-- that is, we are-- [He makes an aggravated noise in the back of his throat, and rushes out in a spiel--]

-- we are romantic partners as well, however!

[It's frivolous, really. Romantic partners. Boyfriends. It's a silly, frivolous term that doesn't describe all that they are. but it's also what's never been said, and Leon wants it to be said, even if it's so hard for him to say it.]

Hmph! I am being nothing of the sort! I have been nothing but reasonable this entire conversation!

[Whatever, Judas..... don't be full of it.]

[WELL OKAY.

he didn't expect ever, in a million years that leon would actually say those words. they've operated so much up to this point in feeling things out without words.

not to mention the knowing that words—words of this sort especially—were not leon's forte.]

Romantic— [it's a bit tough for stahn to choke the word out too. not because he disagrees or has a real problem saying it. but it's the first time, and the first time is always the toughest, especially when...]

Yeah. But...

[stahn isn't denying it, but he's not so quick to accept that statement as it is. maybe "best friend" hadn't been the right word, but narrowing it down to "romantic partner" felt a little cheap too, even if it's technically true.

but when stahn looks up to try and meet leon's gaze, there's a sheepish smile on his face as he tries to search for the words. his face is flushed pink, but there's a lot he has to say.]

It's... more than that though. My best friend, my... roman...tic partner... I— [this is really hard to say out loud.]

You're... just my partner, Leon... [is his face getting redder? it probably is.] It's, it's more than one thing or the other, right?

[because to stahn, it's everything, and it's probably pretty clear from the way he's speaking that he's actually put a lot of thought into his feelings and how to try and define them for himself.

but there isn't a word for it. there's not a single word stahn can find that accurately describes his feelings or how to define what the two of them share.]

That's why it doesn't matter what we call it. I know—I know I want to stay with you. I want to fight next to you and... see you when I wake up in the morning and share meals and, and...

[stahn? overwhelmed? maybe just a little and that's why he fumbles. but to say that he wants to hug leon, or kiss him, or some of the other less-than-pure thoughts that have crept into his thoughts lately aloud is not easy.]

I don't have a word for it...

Is arguing about how reasonable ... reasonable?

[is this a sincere question or a dad question?]

[Leon's definitely just as red, looking away awkwardly as Stahn speaks. More than just his best friend, more than just his romantic partner...they're more than that, and Leon thinks so too, but he can't find a word for it either, even with his vaster vocabulary.

Maybe there isn't one.

(Maybe it's "soulmates".)

Either way, he knows that everything Stahn says is true of him as well. He wants to stay with Stahn. He wants to sleep by Stahn and with Stahn and be able to have Stahn's arms around him and be able to feel Stahn's lips on his and taste Stahn on his tongue.

He wants all of this, all the time, and it's overwhelming but it's also sincerely true.

So Leon just...nods quietly, still looking away, still painfully red. This is a hard topic for both of them, but Leon agrees.

But also, honestly--]

I-- this is why I said it would wait until after we are finished here.

[GOD STAHN!!!!

Now they're both blushing fiercely and disheveled after spending the night together. Surely nobody will get the wrong idea here.]

Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron | 071

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