realpolitik | Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron

You...

[........... And stiffly, with all of the dignity he can manage:]

I am going to bed.

S—Sorry, but...

[it's obvious they're both flustered, and stahn isn't really thinking about the consequences or what anyone else thinks.

maybe it's because all of his impure thoughts come at times when they're not about to face their friends. they come when leon innocuously brushes past him, or when he's alone and thinking of things like the softness of leon's lips or how his body looks when he moves. but at a time like this, on the heels of such desperate sadness, at a time when they're going to leave the room and get back to the focus of their goal while not drawing attention to these confessions...

well, stahn isn't thinking of how they're both disheveled and blushing, and how the others may perceive it.

he's only thinking of leon, and that's why he's suddenly got his arms around leon, pulling him into a tight, desperate hug. he buries his face in leon's hair, and after a moment:]

Something like this... shouldn't wait. A lot of things have to wait for us to finish but.

Isn't it, I mean... don't you think...

[he's fumbling again, and fumbling hard because this is so difficult for him.]

Life is too short... too short to not say these things if he think them, right? [maybe the idea of never getting the chance to convey his feelings in earnest to leon is something that scares him after what happened with ilene.

even if they have every intent of winning, there's always that what-if, and it's scary.]

You're... this...

It's too important. [even if it's probably the worst time, and even if he wouldn't have even considered it if leon hadn't brought it up first.]

Emilioooo...

[come on, judas! have a little bit of fun here1]

[Everything Stahn is saying is perfectly, painfully earnest, and with Stahn's arms around him and Stahn's face in his hair, Leon can't do anything but slump into his hold. Because he's right. Life's too short, and anything could happen now. They have no idea what will come next. They have no idea if they'll all be okay--though Stahn has to be, Leon shies away from any thoughts that he wouldn't--and so... why hide it?

Leon thinks about it for a long moment, considering it, and then he huffs out a frustrated breath (frustrated with himself, and the situation, and everything that's happened and their feelings) and then he pulls away so that Stahn can't hide his face anymore, burying his fingers into Stahn's hair and keeping him in place so he can press their lips together.

It's a kiss that shows his frustration with himself and the situation in equal measure; he hates that they can't properly have this conversation without feeling pushed into it. But it's also gentle, because this morning... Leon wants to take care of Stahn, and everything Stahn's said has resonated.

When he breaks away, it's only a few inches, and when he speaks, it's quietly.]

When we have both survived this situation, we can discuss it further.

[Because they'll both be fine.]

No.

[That's immediate, even as he picks up his empty mug and collects Stahn's as well, to take them into the kitchen.]

Good night.

[What a punk.]

[with so few words, leon manages to convey a lot that stahn can understand in simple but equal measure. the frustration, but yet still being so gentle. the way leon's fingers feel so familiar in his hair and how leon forces their gazes to meet.

right.

it's not fair to leon to push him into this conversation at a time like this. he's not ready for that, and he can't force it.

had it been selfish? he's not sure.

he's not sure, since leon is so vague about a response. he can feel that leon isn't angry with him, and his caring, gentle touches do well enough to prove that. but it's not less hard to tell how much leon agrees with his words when his response to stahn pouring his heart out is to wait.

all the same, leon himself had said romantic partners—

so stahn realizes it. he needs to calm down and cool his jets, because when it's all over... they'll still be together, won't they?

he finds himself letting out a very unsteady, shaky breath and nodding his head. stahn is weak and vulnerable right now, and try as he might to be the pillar... leon is the one doing a better job at that at the moment.]

Right.... you're right. [he's quiet, and it's hard to tell if he's simply agreeing or if he feels a bit guilty.]

It wouldn't be fair... when you're ready, Leon. We'll talk about it then. [when did things get so difficult? he's not sure.]

[Gently, Leon sighs. He's not sure that it was fair to spring this on Stahn and then make him calm down like this... but nonetheless, he wasn't ready to handle it. He'd just...wanted to give Stahn something to fight towards. Something to look forward to, maybe.

Maybe a confession, after all of this, from Leon.

A guarantee of what they are.

Though that's basically already happened now, but that had been Leon's plan. For now, though... he just presses their lips together once more, incredibly briefly, and then he releases Stahn's face and looks at him surprisingly steadily.]

Do not misunderstand me. It isn't that I'm not prepared for this.

[...well maybe it is a little bUT NOT THE POINT.]

It is that I know we will win. So there is no reason to allow this to distract us when we will have time in the future to discuss it.

[He's just...going to try to exude confidence, until Stahn has some of it too.]

[It's inevitable that Judas will have to help around now that he's part of the orphanage. They're not so well off that Judas can afford to slack off, and honestly? It wouldn't suit him even if he could. While there's part of him that thinks that he could sleep for about 500 years still after everything that happened, the rest of him recognizes that it's not entirely healthy for him to do so. He needs to be awake, moving, participating, existing.

Otherwise, what's the point of this third chance?

So when Rutee glances at him, almost strangely tentative (for Rutee), he accepts the task without making her even ask, instead meeting Stahn outside to go into town to get the groceries for that week's food.

It's not his typical task, but Judas has learned a lot of things since discarding Leon Magnus.

This sort of task doesn't bother him at all, and he's going along with it quietly but pleasantly enough, nodding to Stahn when he meets up with him there outside of the orphanage.]

Ah...

[why does he feel so sheepish?

it's strange, feeling the roles getting reversed like this—that's what stahn thinks. he's usually in enough control of his emotions to not be so weak, so vulnerable...

and even though leon isn't taking advantage of it by any means, the strange feeling makes him want to dip his head again. stahn will be okay, but right now, he's tired and drained emotionally, and it's hard for him to process what he should and shouldn't be doing right now. he appreciate's leon's efforts though, because he can feel the sincerity behind them. he swallows thickly, nodding his head.

this role reversal isn't getting any easier.]

Right. I just thought— [that saying what he felt now would clear up what he wanted.

but stahn shakes the thought off, knowing it's not what leon wants to hear right now.]

Mm... We'll talk about later. When... this is all over.

[stahn knew this was coming; even if he hadn't spoken directly to judas about it. he and rutee had spoken about it the night before, how it would be good to start to show judas how everything worked around the orphanage properly. they could start slow and ease him into his new life... and buying the week's groceries seemed like an easy start.

what they couldn't grow themselves, they bought; they could get milk and cheese from the goats they cared for, and many vegetables were easy to maintain on the property too. it saved a lot of money, which is always necessary when caring for so many kids. even with the current state of the timeline, the dunamis orphanage isn't exactly in the best of shape. either way, it leaves them having to buy imported vegatables, meats and grains—it's pretty simple stuff, if nothing else.

before judas made his way outside, stahn had been playing with yuni and cinnamon, picking them up and pretending to fly them around like they were flying dragons. it's a lot of laughter and yelling from the kids, who will get put down when he hears the door open. it takes a minute for his attention to fully shift to judas; he has to first crouch down and make a promise to continue their game sometime between when he gets back and when supper is ready.

either way, stahn is all bright, sunshine smiles as he stands back up.]

All ready to go, Emilio?

[It's a little troublesome, admittedly, being in this role. Leon still doesn't know how to handle it, and he thinks that's clear in the way that even now, Stahn still looks somewhat upset and uncertain.

After all of that, Leon still hasn't succeeded in making him feel better.

His lips twitch downwards into a slight frown, before he looks away, nodding simply. Then there's not a lot more he can do for Stahn, he thinks; he'll be there for him, obviously, but that was the best he could do, and it's becoming very clear that he has no idea what he's doing at all.

Frustrating. He's used to being better than this.

So, quietly, he clears his throat.]

...Yes. Later. Later, we will speak about it all properly, and many more things, as...we will have the time to do so.

[There's always so much light and laughter in this home.

It's a stark difference from where Judas had lived before, and from anything he'd experienced since; for all of his experiences and growth, he's never lived in a place quite like this.

It's warming, and nice, but it's also a little overwhelming at times, and that's an experience in and of itself. Either way, he's patient as Stahn speaks with the children, though all he can really do in response to them and Stahn is just nod. He's gotten a little bit better with kids throughout dealing with Kyle and now living here, but it's still... something he's learning, every day.

Sometimes, he still gets a little unsure.

This, though, is fine. Going into town, getting groceries--that's a task he can do.]

Naturally. Whenever you are prepared, we can go.

[this isn't helping anything, and stahn knows it.

he still feels so strange about things, and he isn't thinking that maybe it's just the exhaustion from how poorly he slept really sinking in. how can anyone hold onto their sunshine when they feel like they just want to crawl back into bed?

but leon is trying to hard. he's said so much. he's sought out words to try and ease stahn's concerned, he's provided gentle and warm kisses, he's wiped stahn's tears and is trying to make promises for their future together. it's a lot, and for someone like leon who doesn't have much in the way of experience with this sort of thing, stahn knows that he's trying his absolute best to help.

so stahn is shifting to cup his hand on leon's cheek before leaning in to press their lips together lightly. and then, just over a whisper:]

Thank you. [for trying so hard.]

Mm! I was just playing with the kids until you were ready.

[he's got one last thing to say to the kids, so he'll turn back to the briefly—]

Me and Emilio are going shopping. Don't give Rutee any trouble while we're gone, and make sure Kyle's out of bed by the time we get back, got it?

[the kids are usually pretty well behaved, but they're still mischievous when they want to be so a little extra warning doesn't hurt. and yuni's yelling could definitely a give a shisha no mezame a run for its money when she puts her all into it.

(okay, and maybe she knows that she can just do the shisha no mezame herself if she asks rutee for the pan and ladle nicely,)

either way, the kids give their okays before they go running off to the slide on the other side of the property and stahn can turn his attention back to to judas.]

Let's go, then! It shouldn't take too long, we don't need very much this week.

[It's done so softly and gently, and Leon's weak enough to lean into that kiss, light as it is, and then he's frustrated all over again, because that meant that Stahn still felt the need to reassure him.

But the thanks...that's sincere too, right?

Would it be presumptuous to think that he helped...? Even if just a little? At this point, Leon doesn't really know.

But he knows that he can't dwell on it. Just like Stahn, he has to pick his head up and try his best. They have to handle what's ahead of them first, and then... everything else can come after.

So he meets Stahn's gaze, and he nods, as certainly as he can.]

After--after, we will have more time to just...speak together.

[It's a promise.]

[Stahn is such a dad now??? Such a dad.... it's still enough to shock Judas sometimes, so he just blinks and then nods, following along with Stahn quietly for a bit.

He's not against doing the chores, but...there's definitely a part of him that doesn't know what to say in moments like these. So when he finally breaks the silence, it's naturally to focus on business.]

What do we need to buy?

[Small talk is okay, Judas, it won't hurt you.]

[a weak smile will form on stahn's lips as he pulls back, and he gives his head a firm nod.]

Right. When it's just us, and we have all the time to talk about things. [stahn confirms it. he knows he's been doing pretty poorly all the while, but he wants to show leon that he'll be okay.

every attempt to try and convey that, he's slipped and cracked a bit; he's probably causing leon too much worry and leaving him feeling like he's not helpful all the same—stahn understands that feeling, so he steels his gaze a little. it's a bit forced, but stahn is trying too, because he knows that it's something he needs—that they both need right now.]

For now, we should get ready and see how the others are doing, right?

[he's still very much the same person, stahn thinks—so he's not too surprised that judas is focusing more on what needs to be done over everything else. and that's fine, stahn has no problem accommodating that for the time being.]

Just a few things! Rice, oats, some fruit, chicken, pork, potatoes, cabbage, beef, tuna... flour, tofu...

[that's not "a few things," stahn. though to him, it is... feeding a bunch of kids takes a lot of food, but it's still a pretty light load.]

Yes, I believe so.

[They weren't perfect--their coping wasn't completely and totally flawless. They're still upset, and grieving and mourning. Stahn's not fine, Leon's not fine.

But they tried.

And maybe they're a bit better off than they were before--and Leon thinks that will be enough for them to face the others and the tasks that lie before them today.

So Leon sighs, and pushes himself off the bed, and nods to Stahn.]

Let's go.

[At least...they'll have things to discuss and figure out when the situations isn't so terrible. Hopefully that promise will be enough to keep them going.]

[... That's not a few things at all, no, but Judas is going to just go ahead and nod along, making mental notes.

Okay........... boring healthy food, but okay....]

Understood.

[Why did you bring this buzzkill along on chores, Stahn.]

[it hadn't been a bad day by any means.

while stahn was out running errands, he had run into a friend—a girl who works at the bar in the inn. she'd excitedly told him about her engagement and told him to keep a lookout for a wedding invitation that would be coming his way—all very good things, and things stahn had been happy to hear.

but as ever, it's the simple things that get the wheels in stahn's head turning. engagements... marriage.

that had been part of his initial goals, when he wanted to settle down and have a family. he has leon now, and things are undoubtedly serious, but... marriage?

stahn hadn't considered it. maybe it's because he put it out of his mind with the knowing that they were both too young to start thinking about a full-blown commitment like that. maybe it's because before, he thought leon would scoff at the notion (not that stahn would have blamed him... someone as great as leon marrying a country bumpkin like him sounds ridiculous). he isn't sure. but after that experience?

...stahn can't get the thought out of his head.

which is why he's kind of just... spacing out, tilting his head a bit and trying to figure out what that would even be like.]

[judas will somehow get sweets out of the deal, but that will... not be something stahn shares right away.]

I guess it's not very exciting, huh? It's probably about as boring as it gets. [compared to the way things used to be, and the lives they once led. it's incredibly mundane and domestic, and stahn knows it.]

[Leon's pretty much oblivious to everything Stahn's thinking about. Unsurprisingly, really; he was focused on his mission, and now that he's done, he heads on in to see Stahn, as their typical schedule tends to go. It's nice that it's summer, he'll reflect on that much -- it's still light outside.

But when Leon steps into their shared room, all he sees is Stahn looking totally spaced out and thoughtful, and Leon quirks an eyebrow in return.]

What mysteries are you pondering today?

[He's probably teasing, but...gently.]

[oh boy, sweets]

It isn't.

[He'll admit that much easily enough.]

It is rather... mundane.

[There's a considering pause, and then--]

That is hardly a bad thing, however.

[he's so spaced out, in fact, that he doesn't even hear leon enter the room—he's totally startled by leon speaking up, at that. it's visible in the way he jumps a little...

and when the question actually processes, he realizes it's not something he wants to answer out loud.

(is he embarrassed? maybe.)]

Huh? Mysteries? The-there's no mysteries! Ahaha... I just kind of... spaced out a bit, I guess.... [no he didn't.]

Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron | 071

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judas: chores;

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engagements, the first;

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