[Leon is sure that that will have done it. Stahn will take it this time. This time, Stahn will stop, and he will give up and leave Leon alone.
(When has that ever happened? When has Stahn ever given up on him? The answer is never, and Leon knows it.)
So he can feel his heart beating in his throat when Stahn sits up as well, but... what escapes him isn't any condemnation at all. There's no scorn or condemnation for Leon not being able to be like the rest of them. They make it seem so easy, trusting people and each other, being friends, acting like that. They make it seem so easy that Leon's sure it's impossible for them to understand just how incapable he is. Even if he wanted to... he can't. He just can't.
But Stahn doesn't. As ever... he doesn't condemn. He doesn't give up. He doesn't even get angry at Leon or blame him or any of the reactions that would probably be entirely reasonably at this point, because Leon knows that he ruined their quiet moment, just like he ruins so many things, and--
And instead, Stahn meets his eyes firmly, and patiently, and gently, and Leon swallows automatically, stunned. He's not sure how to take this moment, or what, exactly, it means, but... even for him, he knows this is something important. This is a serious, important moment, and the determination on Stahn's face, and the warmth of his hand are things that Leon can't ignore.
Believe in... Stahn? It's so frustrating. He can't say something like that. He can't say "I believe in you"--it's foreign to his nature. He doesn't know how to say things like that.]
... I... [His breath catches, because there's something about this moment that is undeniably overwhelming. Stahn... for whatever reason, Stahn is still here, not giving up on him, never giving up on him, and instead asking of him such a deep, impossible request.
And Leon's shoulders slump, head bowing slightly.]
You are...ridiculous.
[Stahn is so ridiculous. Everything about this request--it's ridiculous. Because--]
Don't ask for what I already-- [...] --You are asking for the most unnecessary and ridiculous things, as ever.
[--because he's already given Stahn that. He trusts him... and he has for awhile. It can't be taken back now. And being confronted with it like this... it's frightening. Leon has always held people at arm's length, because that has always been the only way to protect himself.
But he can't. He's already failed, here, and he's vulnerable now, and there's not a damned thing he can do about it.]
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(When has that ever happened? When has Stahn ever given up on him? The answer is never, and Leon knows it.)
So he can feel his heart beating in his throat when Stahn sits up as well, but... what escapes him isn't any condemnation at all. There's no scorn or condemnation for Leon not being able to be like the rest of them. They make it seem so easy, trusting people and each other, being friends, acting like that. They make it seem so easy that Leon's sure it's impossible for them to understand just how incapable he is. Even if he wanted to... he can't. He just can't.
But Stahn doesn't. As ever... he doesn't condemn. He doesn't give up. He doesn't even get angry at Leon or blame him or any of the reactions that would probably be entirely reasonably at this point, because Leon knows that he ruined their quiet moment, just like he ruins so many things, and--
And instead, Stahn meets his eyes firmly, and patiently, and gently, and Leon swallows automatically, stunned. He's not sure how to take this moment, or what, exactly, it means, but... even for him, he knows this is something important. This is a serious, important moment, and the determination on Stahn's face, and the warmth of his hand are things that Leon can't ignore.
Believe in... Stahn? It's so frustrating. He can't say something like that. He can't say "I believe in you"--it's foreign to his nature. He doesn't know how to say things like that.]
... I... [His breath catches, because there's something about this moment that is undeniably overwhelming. Stahn... for whatever reason, Stahn is still here, not giving up on him, never giving up on him, and instead asking of him such a deep, impossible request.
And Leon's shoulders slump, head bowing slightly.]
You are...ridiculous.
[Stahn is so ridiculous. Everything about this request--it's ridiculous. Because--]
Don't ask for what I already-- [...] --You are asking for the most unnecessary and ridiculous things, as ever.
[--because he's already given Stahn that. He trusts him... and he has for awhile. It can't be taken back now. And being confronted with it like this... it's frightening. Leon has always held people at arm's length, because that has always been the only way to protect himself.
But he can't. He's already failed, here, and he's vulnerable now, and there's not a damned thing he can do about it.]