realpolitik | Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron

[At the very least, this time Stahn's thoughts don't come as a surprise. Leon was expecting thisin a way--he's heard Stahn bring up before that he wants to travel with him, and now that he's had some time to settle on the thought, he won't react in quite as much of a panic as he would have before.

But... well, he still hasn't had enough time to really give thought to it. Between the insanity that was Hugo and trying to adjust to having Stahn in his life at all, thoughts of traveling together after everything settled were shelved thoroughly.

But now that he thinks about them... it's what Leon wants too.

If they survive this, if they save the world and stop Hugo and everything is okay--if they somehow manage that, Leon wants to take a break. He wants to spend time with Marian, naturally, if they save her, but after that... he doesn't want to do more missions, he doesn't want to have to focus on more tasks, or fight more.

He's tired already. He k nows that by the time this is finished, he will be exhausted.

Perhaps traveling with Stahn will be the perfect cure for that?]

... Mm.

[It's a relatively noncommittal noise, but he's not panicking over the idea anymore, or immediately shutting it down.

It's still something he has to think through and figure out for himself, but... he thinks it might not be a bad idea in general, after all of this.]

... Focus on the task at hand. We can consider what to do after when it is done. [They can figure out where they want to travel and what they want to do after that.]

[it's a start. stahn can remember pretty well how leon reacted to things in the past, and they were always... a lot more of a struggle than this. adamant refusals, a complete lack of understanding for what stahn wanted and why, and the insistence that his work came first.

but now, he's not making those protests. even if he's not exactly agreeing, this is a big difference for leon—it's just one of many changes stahn has noticed in him recently, and that makes him smile. he feels a bit warm, maybe really always being on and at his side this way really is helping leon to be a better person after all.]

I won't lose focus. [he can assure leon of that much confidently. of course, there's a reason for it, one he can say with not a shred of doubt.] I think... it keeps me more focused. It's something to work towards. It's something I want to work towards.

Saving Marian, stopping Hugo... they're important to me too. [but...]

Being able to live peacefully and knowing everyone else can, being able to do go places safely and without having to rush by... That's what I want most. I'd like it, to stay here and eat ice candy while other kids get to play in the park, or to go to Snowfreer and spend a day in the hot springs. Things like that. [he's motivated by knowing they'll be able to do those things without worry one day.]

[Stahn is truly the purest of them all. Maybe Stahn is the Disney princess in this relationship--but he's not going to hear much in the way of an argument from Leon. Spending a day in the hot springs in particular sounds delightful, and if he goes in with Stahn then they'll know he's a guy, right, there won't be a mix-up again, so when can they do that--

No, focus, Leon.

He just focuses on his ice candy for a long moment, considering. The thought that when this is all over and done with, they'll be able to live peacefully... it's a pleasant one.

When did he get like this, exactly? To the point where he...wants this sort of peaceful life with Stahn? He's not ready to give up his knighthood--he knows that. But right now, with how tired he is from this entire situation, a lengthy break sounds...perfect.

So long as it's with Stahn.

... He actually makes a face to himself at the thought because it's painfully sappy. Ugh.]

... Yes, well. If it motivates you to focus, then that is fine. [H-hmph!! It's not like..he was having sappy thoughts or anything!!] Think what you want.

[They'll probably do it.]

Yeah.

[he will; nothing was ever going to stop him from thinking what he wants to anyway, given who he is. stahn's good at marching to beat of his own drum, because in the end, the conclusion is usually the one that's best for everyone around them.

he's fine with acknowledging that. but it leaves stahn to wonder something that he wouldn't necessarily ask at any other time. things are quiet and peaceful between them, and the conversation is surprisingly serene. stahn doesn't even necessarily expect much of an answer from leon, but he's compelled to ask anyway.]

What about you, Leon? What keeps you focused? [is it duty? is it marian? it's probably most of those things, stahn thinks—but still, he wants to hear it straight from the horse's mouth. it's silly, he knows... but it makes him feel a little closer and more connected when leon actually tells him these things.]

[What a question. Leon doesn't really know how to answer it at first, so he's quiet. What...keeps him focused?

It used to be a few stark things. Surpassing Hugo. Proving to Marian that he was an adult. Becoming someone on his own merits.

But... that's not the case now, is it? If that was still the case, he would've caved under Hugo's influence and kidnapping, all to save Marian. If that had been the case... he would've had to have tried.

But he didn't. He stayed, because...he didn't want to disappoint Stahn. (But... that can't be it, can it? That can't be what he's staying focused for now. That can't....

... He clears his throat awkwardly.]

It... isn't anything so grand or important. [clearly.

So like.

Maybe he...won't have to share???]

[stahn's not letting it slide so easily—not because he wants to make leon uncomfortable or force it out of him. leon's answer is just such a non-answer, and he's curious.

it really can't be helped, the way he constantly feels like he wants to be more in-tune with leon. he always does his best to respect those boundaries, but all the same, he wants to be closer, he wants to know more. things may be slowly seeping out bit-by-bit, and stahn is patient enough to let things go at the pace they need to...

he doesn't think it's so wrong though, to try and see if leon will let him in a little more.]

It doesn't need to be. [stahn says it quietly, shaking his head.] Your reason... is important for you.

[he pauses, then closes his eyes before admitting something that—well, it's a little embarrassing for him to say.] The things that are important to you—they're important to me, too.

[Stahn gets a snapped out, immediate response to that, perhaps a bit harsher and edgier than need be if only because Leon is firmly embarrassed:]

Don't be ridiculous, you cannot be important to--

[... yourself.

Shit.

Uh.

Dammit Stahn!!!

Leon's immediately backtracking, clearing his throat fiercely and looking away and stumbling over his words, trying to find anything to latch onto that will save him from the embarrassment of (the horror) being somewhat honest.]

That is--don't get the wrong idea here! My reasons are plenty. For one, my rank requires that I do my duty perfectly, and I won't accept failure! I--that is reason enough...!

[Save this poor child.]

—Eh?

[there's a moment of stunned silence that comes with that unfinished admission; slow as stahn can be on the uptake, he's not that slow.

that's what leon was holding back? that he is what is important to leon? that he was part of what keeps him focused on their goals? ...yes, maybe it's for the better that leon starts backtracking really hard at that.

stahn is shoving the ice candy in his mouth and turning his head away, looking up at the sky (well, what they can see of it, at least). there's a small smile on his lips but mostly? he is embarrassed as all hell. even if it's one of the best things to hear and not something he'll soon forget—it's one of the most honest things leon has ever said aloud, even if the statement is an unfinished one.]

R-right. [stahn chokes out that word as leon finishes. right. he'll go along with this, because as nice as that other statement was? neither of them was really prepared for it. even with goading it out of leon a little, he didn't expect to hear anything but "marian" or maybe even "rutee" and definitely "duty."

not himself.]

It's a good reason... Failure isn't like you at all anyway. [he says, but at this point, they both have to know that stahn is just saying it because they're both too embarrasse to talk about the truth.]

[Oh god.... oh god Stahn picked up on it (of course he did, Leon, you flat out said it), and Leon can't bring himself to even lift his eyes from where they are. It's. Too much. He can't believe he said any of those words, it's terrible, he can't recover from this. Goodbye, cruel world--

Okay it's not that bad, but he feels that way. A fair bit.

How is he ever going to recover from this...

Leon very firmly doesn't lift his gaze to look at Stahn, because he's pretty sure that if he looks at him he'll possibly run away at this point and that would be a rather big blow to his pride, even if he did just confess something that really has thrown his entire sense of stability into a tizzy. Leon Magnus is Not Fine.]

... Of course it isn't. [His voice is a little unsteady despite himself--it's hard for Leon to admit how much of his well-being, faith and trust depends on Stahn.] I take my duty very seriously.

[It's just that... Leon knows that right now, Stahn is what's keeping him going, with Marian captured and Hugo trying so hard to beat him and everyone else down. It's Stahn alone that is keeping him focused, and grounded, and it's really a little astonishing to realize that.]

[at the very lead, leon isn't alone when it comes to an inability to meet the other's gaze. stahn is still keeping his fixed elsewhere as they try to find their way around a conversation they're not ready to have yet.

they will, because it's not something they can avoid. it's not something stahn even really wants to avoid, but the fact of the matter is that they both feel very strongly but don't really know how to deal with that yet. stahn's definitely the more open of the two, and he does his best to be warm, strong and assured for leon's sake. but he falters too, so much especially when it comes to this. how could he be smooth all the time when this is the first time he's ever felt this way? and when it's the first time someone has felt this way about him?]

I know you do. That's something I knew from the first time we met. [having the crap beat out of him and arrested by leon; seeing someone so young and yet so capable and commanding—]

You know I admire it, too. [if anything, stahn realizes that he's always held a deep respect and admiration for just about everything leon does.

what used to be a starry-eyed amazement as his skill has become a little more subdued; it's grown in many ways, but he's also seen that leon isn't totally unflappable; he has his weaknesses and things that shake him. but on the battlefield, he's breathtaking with his skill and dedication to his work. that's something that will always be solid fact to him, regardless of the other feelings he has for leon.]

[This is admittedly a safe subject matter. He can accept this, even if you'd think the time he totally beat the crap out of his now-boyfriend thing would not exactly be a cause for celebration.

But it is, here. Because Leon had simply been doing his duty, and he'd accomplished it well. He knows this much. He has always taken his duty seriously, has always done his best to be the sort of person who deserves the title he's earned for himself.

To be the sort of person that Hugo can't knock down, verbally or physically, and every day he thinks he gets a step closer to that ideal. So Stahn's admiration... well, it feels well-earned, if nothing else. He feels like he's earned this one, and so he can accept it, bowing his head in what's almost a gracious thanks.

Not that Leon's ever properly gracious, but there's a strong attempt there for it.]

Yes, well...

[It's a little embarrassing, but also feels well-deserved, which makes it really hard to respond to. Stahn is, as ever, too much for Leon.]

... It is what I trained for. For my own reasons, that is what I have strived to achieve.

[Aka... it wasn't all Hugo, even if Hugo was the one who first put a sword in his hands. He wants to confirm for Stahn that...his skills, his position--he earned them all for his own reasons, not for Hugo's. If Stahn's going to admire something like that about him, he thinks he deserves to know that.]

[stahn knows. he may not have always known this, but it's something that he's been able to figure out over the course of time.

especially with what happened while he was in leane. the fact that leon stood against hugo at the risk of his own life had completely solidified a suspicion that stahn had long had—hugo may have wanted leon to succeed in order to use it to his advantage...

but leon is smart. leon is incredibly smart and capable, and so many things that stahn aspires to be like. even after all this time, it's hard to turn of that admiration—not when stahn grew up wanting to be a soldier in seinegald, when he wanted to be a talented swordsman that could help people and protect them from the dangers that civilians couldn't handle on their own. these are things that leon does on the daily, and to stahn, it's incredible. and stahn knows that he does these things because he wants to, not because it's what hugo wanted for him.

so as far as stahn is concerned, leon has done well to achieve that.

stahn himself hasn't really thought much about the fact that he's doing what he dreamed of as well, just in a less official capacity and not for seinegald's military.]

It's amazing... how much you've been able to do already. [he'll say after a moment, and that's when his gaze finally shifts to look at leon with a warm smile. he means that sincerely—where stahn was once envious of leon's skill and capability, especially for his age now rests sheer admiration and pride. he may never be able to do that himself, but leon has—that's enough for him.]

[Leon's never really thought of it as that amazing--he has a lot of pride in his position, certainly, but he doesn't necessarily find it to be something incredible. After all, anyone could do it with enough effort and focus. Leon might be a prodigy, but it's only because he's so young. If he'd accomplished what he did ten years later, nobody would have batted a single eye.

Maybe that's why Hugo was so ready to start him on swordsmanship so young.

Or maybe it was just so he'd have a tool while Leon was young and impressionable. He doesn't know, but what he does know is that there's far more to life than just a position and ability. But then--that's something Stahn's taught him as well. The fact that Stahn can treat the world so warmly, with such optimism and joy no matter what it throws at them...the fact that even despite suffering too, he can continue to be warm and giving...

That's what Leon admires and thinks is amazing, even if he can't put it into words.]

... Yes, well. [The fact that Stahn is so proud of him... it warms him and makes him embarrassed in equal measure, and he's going to just finish off his ice candy, still looking away (still plucking petals from his hair).]

This is the true test of all of what I've learned. [If he can't defeat Hugo and save Marian, then everything he's accomplished means nothing anyway.]

You'll do great... you're too good at what you to not to.

[there isn't even a shred of hesitation in the way stahn says that; he wholeheartedly believes that they'll succeed. and he believes that leon will be able to put everything he's learned to the test properly in due time. there's no question in his mind about that, so it's something stahn can say with complete confidence.

regardless of why leon became a swordsman, regardless of what drove him before, or what pushed him into that situation—he's excelled. and stahn knows that now they're fighting for the same cause. maybe leon consciously does so much of it for the sake of saving marian. maybe for saving hugo. and maybe even a little bit for the hopefulness of a future where they can live together peacefully and continue to grow. but regardless, the cause leon fights for will be the one that saves not only the same number of people who are important to him, but everyone in the world. he can do it.

they can do it, but neither of them can do it alone.

he falls quiet for a moment as he finishes his ice candy, taking a moment to look at the stick (it's not a winner) before looking abck to leon to watch him pull the petals from his hair. stahn should probably do the same, but he just isn't all that concerned with it.

...which probably looks a little silly, given how much hair he has, but it's not as noticable as it is against leon's hair. whatever, this is fine. he'll keep his eyes focused as he fiished what he has to say.]

And even when it gets tough [because stahn knows it's only going to get harder] you're not handling it alone.

[It's still such a strange thought. He doesn't have to do this alone. He has people to support him.

He has Stahn to support him.

Quietly, Leon sighs, and then he nods. He understands that, and he's not about to deny it at this point,not when he'd be in dire straits without the others. No...because he has the others, he's still standing here, and they have a chance to take on Hugo. Because he has the others, they can do this.

Because he has the others, Leon isn't alone.

Because he has Stahn, Leon's stable and okay.

So after a moment, he arches an eyebrow, looking back at Stahn, and then...he reaches over to dust the cherry petals from Stahn's hair. He doesn't have any reason to deny what Stahn is saying, and so instead:]

You look ridiculous like this.

Ah—

[okay. every so often leon can do something that wholly surprises stahn. it's not often, considering how well he knows leon, but...

that?

that gets him.

he really couldn't expect for leon to make that sort of motion, even if it's innocuous and just being helpful under the guise of derisive words. stahn finds himself letting out a bit of a sheepish laugh.]

I didn't realize it was that bad. [stahn gives his head a bit of a shake, much like a puppy does to dry off when they're wet. only his hair isn't wet at all... instead, a bunch of unseen petals will float out of his hair and land... well, just about everywhere.]

[Okay, it was almost a cute, romantic moment, but then Stahn had to ruin it. Shaking his head like a dog means the petals go everywhere, and Leon splutters as they get into his face and immediately is pulling back his hand to try to ward them off.]

Stahn!

[Sheesh! Watch what you're doing!]

[if it's not one of them ruining it, it's the other.]

Sorry, sorry! [stahn stops, wincing a little—he managed to be completely oblivious to any romantic undertones or cuteness because he thought it would be easier this way. he's definitely giving leon the "did i do a bad?" look right now.]

[Always gotta ruin the moment somehow... but Leon just shakes his head with a sigh.]

Just be more careful.

[He can't actually be mad at Stahn when he's looking at him like that, okay....]

Right... I really didn't really there were so many.

[or maybe he wouldn't have shook himself off like that. it didn't even get all the petals out of his hair, so now he's trying to carefully pick out the ones he can see, scrunching his nose a bit and canting his head to the side.

in some respects, stahn can be so competent, and it others... he's kind of a childish mess.]

[... He is a childish mess, and Leon will firmly refuse the fact that he's fond of this childish mess at all.

(Even though he is.)]

...We should return inside. The others will likely be back soon enough as it is, if they aren't already.

Oh, right.

[does he look... disappointed? maybe just a little, even if he knows leon is right. and that's exactly why he doesn't protest it at all.] I guess we've been gone for a while... the others will worry if we don't get back soon.

[farewell, cute ice candy date, he enjoyed it while it lasted.]

[Sorry, Stahn.... it's a hard life, but reality always comes crashing back in just a little too soon.

Quietly, Leon hums under his breath.]

That's correct. There are still plans that we have to make, after all.

[They have to have a party meeting. And so...cute dates are over and done with.]

[it's such a hard life, and this is why he'll keep fighting. so it'll get easier. so they don't have to abruptly end their nicer outings to work and worry about literally everything but their own happiness.

it turns out, stahn has a lot more things he wants in life than what he once told ilene; things have gotten that much more important now that he has something so much more tangible to strive for. even if part of him still wants to just settle down and have a warm family life, there's so much more to strive for—even just the simple moments like these.]

Yeah... I guess you're right. We really don't have any time to waste, even if we can't leave until morning. [he'll accept it and acknowledge it.

but he's not happy about it, either!! stahn will push himself to his feet though, waiting for leon to stand so they can get moving.

(because even though he could offer a hand, he's sure leon wouldn't take it right now.)]

[Stahn's right, of course. Leon will push himself up as well, nodding firmly, brisk and businesslike. It's time to return to their task.

It's time for them to focus on what needs to happen, even if it was a nice break, and Leon feels more settled now. He's not afraid of the situation anymore. It's still worrisome and stressful and concerning.

But they can handle it, and at the very least, Leon's more grounded.

(But then, hasn't Stahn always had this effect on Leon? More and more, it feels.)

And it's enough, for Leon to be able to square his shoulders and return to the Inn to plot their next course.]

Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron | 071

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