you can't spell "alone" without "leon" (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
discard) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
realpolitik2015-10-16 11:13 am
discard) wrote in realpolitik2015-10-16 11:13 am
Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron | 071
[this is a catch-all for boyfriends
here's a list
- ice cream ✓
- seasickness
- stahn sacrifice ✓
- reunion: judas ✓
- taming stahn's hair ✓
- piggyback rides ✓
- just imagine
- family dinner
- why is there pow hammer
- possessive leon
- apologies
- post-barbatos afterlife meeting
- AND MORE]
no subject
Quietly, Leon sighs, shaking his head.
It may be Stahn being clinging, but it's not like he can argue it right now--not after their previous night and morning, and not when he thinks about the previous night. And not necessarily their heated kissing (though his thoughts linger there almost unbidden), but.... he can remember the feeling of that close call and how his first thought was that he needed to be able to see Stahn again.
Getting up early with that in mind seems premature, and so Leon doesn't actually (surprisingly) argue it, instead just resettling himself on Stahn's chest. Weirdly, Stahn wins that one, at least for now.]
no subject
he's got leon comfortable in his arms now, and that's what's really most important to him. the thought crosses hi mind when he too remembers what leon had said the night before—he'd had a close call. if that close call had been any worse, there's a chance they wouldn't be like this right now.
it's a scary thought, and it causes stahn's grip to tighten just a little bit. he's grateful and fortunate that leon wasn't taken from him, he's happy that they can have a moment like this to themselves. he wants to embrace it, and he doesn't want to forget it. the racing of stahn's heart finally does start to ease, slowing to a more normal pace, though each beat itself still seems hard in his chest.]
I know it's selfish... [he breaks the silence, but makes no attempt to move.] But... thank you.
[for staying with him like this. for coming home.
just like so many other times, stahn's thanks are more than what they appear on the surface, they always say the words he doesn't really know how to convey to leon, or the ones he knows will put leon on edge somehow. but there's more to be said, something he really doesn't say to often, even when it's implied.]
I'm happy like this.
no subject
It's tough, honestly. They know that it's fine now. That Leon's safe and home, and yet...the remembrance is tough to shake, and Leon doesn't necessarily want to let go of Stahn here and now. On the other hand...this is absolutely ruining his schedule, which bothers him too.
It's tough being Leon Magnus, honestly. What a difficult life choice.
So Leon just huffs faintly at Stahn's words, though there's no vitriol to be found. The thanks isn't necessary, but he gets it. He gets, by now, what Stahn's trying to say, which makes it easier to just...accept it.
(Besides, he's happy like this too.)]
Is this enough?
[The question is asked...well, rather suddenly and out of the blue, but he can't really help it. After what happened last night (both before and after he came into the room), and after every possibility...is just this enough for Stahn? Leon doesn't know--but he's getting better at communicating just a bit, at least.]
no subject
[stahn responds with no hesitation, there's barely enough time for him to think about it. it's something he needs leon to know, because if it's being called into question...
well, stahn wants to make sure there's never any room for doubt.]
Emilio... [he starts, and maybe how serious stahn is about this can be indicated in just the fact that he refers to leon by that name. that name, reserved only for private quarters, only for the most intimate of moments. he's gotten used to being able to say it, though stahn is still pretty choosy about when he feels it best.
and right now... right now is that time for him.]
As— as long as you come home, that's enough. [he fumbles on his words a bit as he tries to say it. he's not always the best at directly addressing his feeling in words either; it's easier to just hug leon or kiss him chastely to convey things. but sometimes words are necessary, and now is a time when he thinks that physical gestures would cheapen what he feels about it.] Everything else... we can figure it out as we go. We can learn together but...
[whether it's figure out how to put their feelings into words, how to pursue the goals they have in life, or just what comes next when things get heated—they're things that can be sorted a little at a time. stahn's not in a rush, even if some things definitely make him excited or eager, he'll always maintain the boundaries they need without complaint, because he wants to make sure leon is always comfortable with how things progress.]
You have to come home for that. [which is the underlined point here. stahn doesn't want to think about the what ifs. he doesn't want to think about leon being killed in action, even if that possibility is real, and he doesn't want to think about a situation where he'll never see leon again for the rest of his life.
that's terrifying. so every other thing can wait. he'll deal with leon's fussing, or how many times leon will get out of bed before he's away enough to roll over and give a good morning kiss. he'll deal with the long missions, with people in the city whispering about them curiously. he'll deal with walls and boundaries and sometimes feeling too stupid and incapable to be at leon's side. none of that matters as long as leon comes home at the end of the day, or the end of a mission and they can just lounge together and unwind before crawling into their shared bed and going to sleep every night.]
no subject
Whatever response he was expecting from Stahn, this wasn't it. This warmth, this love, this pure and solid certainty that so long as Leon returns, everything will be fine--
It's exactly what he needed, even if he didn't know it.
Leon doesn't know how to navigate a relationship at the best of times, and while he very much enjoyed their experiences the night before, that doesn't necessarily mean he knows how to process exactly what that'd been. Maybe he was flinging himself into things a little too quickly for the sake of his desperation; while the consent is there and he knows that he wants this, it's certainly something they should unpack before they actually go that far.
But this...settles him. Stahn's fine even just with this, and leon knows--even if he demanded they get up and go eat breakfast, Stahn would be fine with that too. Maybe not the happiest, and he might whine a bit, but he would understand and accept it, and quietly, Leon pauses--before he sighs, utterly overwhelmed by everything Stahn is and chooses to be and buries his face into Stahn's shoulder with what can only be a defeated groan.
He's so defeated by Stahn and his pure loving adoration and acceptance and understanding.
Critical hit.
(But honestly, he's grateful, and even as he does hide his face, he can feel the remaining tension leave his shoulders.)]
no subject
he can feel that tension melt away from beneath his fingertips, and it's incredibly rewarding to stahn because he knows that despite everything, his words have managed to touch leon.
neither of them really knows how to navigate this relationship. from the night in cyril when things first escalated right up until just a few hours earlier when they nearly smashed every boundary in place, stahn has fumbled a lot. trying to respect leon's limits, not knowing the right things to say and do simply because he'd never done anything like it... even the simple things like sharing kisses or making the decision to sleep in the same bed had all been done with relative uncertainty. it's all new to him. every last thing is new and unfamiliar; they're learning how this works along the way.
even know, when he makes declarations like that, stahn finds it nerve-wracking because he isn't sure if it's the right thing to say or do. but for him, it's a matter of just honestly and earnestly stating the things he feels and hoping with all his heart that leon will understand him.
up to this point, it's worked pretty well. there are still so many things he doesn't say, and so many more he simply doesn't know how to say, but stahn is content to move forward day-by-day until all of the little things make sense and they can be even more open about it.
he lets the silence linger, because stahn isn't sure there's anything he could say that wouldn't just cheapen his affections. instead, he lets out a quiet breath and brings a hand up to run it through leon's hair. it's soft and gentle, and just a further acceptance for leon's reaction—and leon for leon, rather than anything else.]
no subject
Quietly, he sighs, and he doesn't lift his head again. Stahn wins, after all. Leon isn't prepared to fight any longer at all.
And he's happy like this, honestly.
So quietly, Leon tucks his head against Stahn's chest more properly, eyes sliding half shut as Stahn runs his fingers through his hair. If Stahn wants him to remain here, then Leon will remain here. He's content here, it's warm and he feels safe and honestly?
There aren't a lot of things that are worth more than this right now.]
... When we get up, we shall have to skip breakfast and simply have lunch instead.
[But it's said in a quiet, calm tone, and it's pretty clear--in the end, Leon has given in and Stahn has won.
They'll remain like this until they're both ready to get up, together.]
no subject
the feeling of leon tucking his head against his chest warms stahn a bit more. his hand keeps moving in that gentle motion, and stahn's own body seems to relax just a bit more by hearing leon say those words.]
Mm... that sounds good to me. [he murmurs the words, quiet and peaceful—there obviously won't be a single protest from stahn about this. even if it's undoubtedly a surprise that leon would cave in and let stahn win—it's a good thing, isn't it? they get to stay this way a bit longer, and leon seems happy about being able to do that too.
so it's fine.
they'll stay like this a while longer and really get to enjoy the idea of a peaceful morning together.]