realpolitik | Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron

Mm, let's go.

[there's no point in wasting any time, after all. they're both curious to check on this situation, and stahn would still like to try and find a way to let leon enjoy the remainder of the day without much pressure.

sure, they had their moments of enjoyment here in the inn's room, but the circumstances are so different and unfamiliar in that way... it would be nice to go about things a little more traditionally. getting their minds off the worst with ice candy and a comfortable breeze synonymous with fitzgald's climate sounds like a pleasant idea, even if they have to deal with the worst of it first.

he doesn't waste any more time in pulling himself to his feel and beginning to walk towards the door so they can go. no hesitation, this is something they need to do right now. of course, stahn wouldn' just head to the door without a little something to try and express his support to leon. so as he walks past, his lets his hand brush lightly against leon's. stahn knows that once they leave the room, any sort of physical affection is strictly off-limits, and that includes hand-holding. and that's fine, stahn is okay with this because he knows that it's not something leon can be comfortable with right now.

but in spirit, he's supporting leon in his way. in his mind, he is holding onto leon's hand and squeezing it tight. and that's something he still insists on leon knowing and never forgetting. what they're about to face, they do it together, after all.]

[It's probably a sign of just how much Leon's gotten used to Stahn's physical affection that he can read exactly what that gesture is supposed to signify. He knows that Stahn would be holding onto his hand right now if he could, or more than that--Stahn doesn't have the same shame or hang-ups that Leon does over such things in public (or private for that matter). Leon knows this--

And somehow, even though he doesn't know even now how to handle that sort of endless love and affection, it's comforting in its own way as well. Leon's not capable of reaching for Stahn's hand or holding his hand in public like this. He might never be. But...

At the very least, right now he's able to take the comfort he needs from the knowledge that Stahn will always be Stahn, and he's trying to support Leon the best he can in his own way, while still respecting Leon's boundaries. So Leon's silent, but it's not an uncomfortable silence; if nothing else, he's grateful, even if he doesn't know how to say that either. Still, the gratitude is there, and he hopes it's clear enough in how Leon's able to remain somewhat less tense despite their destination, and able to remain mostly calm.

Of course... well, things can't work out so easily. He knew it would work out this way--he knew Ilene wouldn't be there. He'd known it, because Ilene was with Hugo, and that could only have become even more true with the way the situation had ended up.

He'd known it...but he'd hoped anyway, and he wonders if that's Stahn's influence too, getting him to be more optimistic about something that he never would have been before. Either way, he has no intentions of sticking around when the maids inform them that she's not there, she's off on business--though as soon as they're outside, his shoulders do slump a little.

He knew it would turn out this way, but...he's still somehow disappointed, isn't he?]

[leon's not the only one who had felt a little nervous and hopeful that things would pan out differently. despite them both knowing the likelihood of ilene actually being there was low, stahn didn't want to let go of the dim hope that she would be.

because... there are just things that need to be said and addressed. questions to ask and things the both of them need to know. not for the sake of the world, or their friends, or the swordians. not for hugo or his machinations. they're questions the two of them need answered for their own peace of mind, though it becomes clear pretty quickly that they won't be getting that today. it's disappointing for stahn too, but as they exit—save for a quiet sigh—stahn's shoulders remain square.

from the way it looks now, the only way they'll really see ilene again is as an opponent, and as much as stahn hates that idea, he also knows it has to be tougher on leon. he's known her for his whole life, hasn't he? so it's not all that surprising to see the defeat and disappointment in leon at a time like this.

so stahn takes a moment to look around them, and in realizing nobody is very close, he grabs leon's hand lightly and squeezes it for just a moment before letting go. it's small, brief gesture, but it's all stahn can do right now. that and try to give leon assurances that he wants to believe in.]

It's not too late. We could still have a chance to talk to her before... [before things get worse? before they have to fight her? before the end of the world?

stahn's not sure, but he doesn't want to give up on the idea that this was their only chance.]

[The hand holding honestly helps a little, brief as it is. Leon isn't even in the proper state of mind to look around to make sure they're not caught or nobody notices--it's just comfort, pure and simple, in a difficult situation.

By the time Stahn has let go, Leon has lifted his head. He doesn't have time to regret this, or to be too down over this. If they have to face her in battle, they'll do so. If they have to stop her by any means necessary...

They'll do so.

Leon knows what's necessary, and there's no time to waste here. He knows this.

He's not happy about it...but he knows. Ilene is not as important as stopping Hugo or saving the world. But the thought that they might not be able to convince her...

Somehow, the thought that they might have the chance to speak with her when her back is up against the wall is more frightening than reassuring. Leon knows her well enough to know that that, of all things, might go even more poorly. He feels...as though this was his last chance to speak with her properly.

... He shakes his head.]

...We will handle that when the situation comes to that. There is no use in dwelling on it right now.

[Right now...well, right now they don't even have any business to take care of, do they?]

Right.

[leon is right. really, stahn knows that much is the truth—it's something they can't worry about until it's something they have to face, because there's still far too much else that they need to focus on. hugo, getting the world in order and not letting it all be destroyed by those machinations...

ilene may be part of that, but it's only a small piece of a very large puzzle. they don't know what will happen next, but they have too much else to try and account for to worry about it at this point in time. especially when the other underlying knowing that comes with this is the fact that they weren't likely going to get her to switch sides. really, stahn wanted to hear her reasons and try to understand, so maybe they could show her another way out, but... that's hopeless right now.

they can't worry about it. so he offers leon a weak smile of agreement. leon is right. he's not going to try and fight it.]

Then... do you want to finish our walk? [as in "keep heading towards sakura park and getting that ice candy?"

stahn feels the need to ask, because the truth is that no matter how much they both try to shake it off, there's still a heavy weight in the air. he would understand if leon wanted to just go back to the inn and rest before they continue their journey.

he doesn't want to do that much himself, though. he still wants to seek out the small positives they have to hold on to. he still wants to steal moments where they can enjoy anything—the weather, a snack, or just each other's company—because they're so infrequent when the state of the entire world is dire. it's not something stahn will push though, if leon wants to just pull back a bit, or even be alone, it's a choice he can respect because of the circumstances.

his consideration is a blessing and a curse sometimes, and even stahn knows it because he puts his own wants (or... needs? it's hard for him to tell at this point) to the side at the drop of a hat if it's for leon's sake.]

[Does he?

It's a good question. Does he want to finish their walk, when this is all on his shoulders? And when he thinks about it, the answer surprises him, because...the answer is that he does.

He does want to finish this walk with Stahn. He wants to get ice candy with him, and enjoy the peace and quiet before they dive back into the depths of things. For someone like him, who has always put work and business and literally everything else before his own enjoyment and relaxation...

This is important.

Quietly, Leon breathes out a breath, allowing at least a small amount of the tension to fade away, and when he lifts his chin, he seems a little more self-assured, like his usual self.]

We may as well continue. There would be no point to returning this early--there is nothing for us to accomplish at the inn. I can't abide wasting time away doing nothing.

[In other words... this is something he absolutely wants.]

[the decision comes as a relief; even if it feels selfish to want something so like this after what just happened, the fact that leon agrees makes it feel less egregious. he may not say that he wants to do these things... but he doesn't have to.

stahn knows he doesn't have to. if leon didn't want to go, he'd have refused. he'd have taken up going back to the inn, or doing something else entirely. there's a lot stahn has learned in their time together, and that includes what leon says when he doesn't want to do something—or if he's merely agreeing just to shut him up. this is neither of those.

the fact that leon seems less tense and comfortable just adds to that. it's been a rough day, with not only this, but his motion sickness as well, so for stahn, this is absolutely a good thing. all they need to do now is try to shake off the rest of the negativity that came with trying to face ilene. a good time... they can have a good time.]

Mm! I thought maybe you wanted to rest a little more, but this definitely seems better. [he offers a wider smile—it's not the easiest for either of them right now, but stahn wants to do this much for leon.] The park's right over there, so we can get some ice candy in no time!

[never mind the fact that leon is never keen on admitting he likes that kind of thing.

but there is something that stahn remembers about all of this.] You never got to have any the last time we were here, right?

[Leon's less sure they can have a good time--Leon's less optimistic than Stahn--but he knows at least that walking around in the fresh air with Stahn, being able to have something like this and being able to relax a little bit will be for the better for both of them in the end.

They both need this, don't they? Far be it for Leon to refuse then.

He arches an eyebrow at the question, in fact, even as he starts to walk with Stahn towards said park. He never really got to take in the sights with Stahn before, but it's not like this is his first time here--it's nothing particularly spectacular, but...

Well, maybe there is something a little different about taking in the sights with Stahn, instead of hurrying through on his missions from before.

His response is surprisingly mild, though.]

I am surprised you remember that.

[Stahn isn't implying that Leon would have wanted it or that he's upset over it, so Leon's able to remain unflustered when he responds. It's true, after all--he didn't, even though he was promised some, but it's hard to blame them for that considering the monsters and the craziness that happened after that.

Which is why he's also surprised Stahn remembers something so inconsequential despite all of that chaos that happened.]

I couldn't forget something like that.

[though maybe not for the reason that it seems to imply. sure, he's aware of leon's fondness for sweets—even if it's something he never calls attention to directly, traveling and living with leon has shown him enough about those preferences for stahn to know.

it's not the point though for stahn, not at all. and he isn't going to shy away from stating the truth about it as they continue to stroll towards the park.]

It was my fault you didn't get yours. I know a lot happened after that, and maybe we wouldn't be friends with Kongman now... but getting caught up with him stopped us from coming right back to Ilene's with the ice candy.

[it's a strange thing to have a little bit of guilt about, but stahn can't help himself, especially because he knows leon would have enjoyed it.] And then we were too busy. So...

[stahn hesitates for a moment before he continues, feeling almost a bit sheepish about what he's about to say.] I decided that if we came back here and had time, we could go and get ice candy together.

[...okay, yes. even for stahn, that's a bit embarrassing to say out loud.]

[Ah... right. Stahn's back to being embarrassing, which means Leon's back to being embarrassed. He glances away immediately at that, clearing his throat awkwardly. It's still strange and new to him to be remembered like this. Not just remembered, but in such a way where Stahn kept thinking of it all this time...

Has Stahn really cared this much about him this entire time?

Even before they were like this... did he really care this much?

It's really hard to deny the evidence, and Leon doesn't know what to say at first. He feels as though it's been a very uneven exchange, all things considered. Stahn, who has always cared about him, and Leon who can barely even manage to hold his hand when they're alone...

But he doesn't know how to fix that yet, and especially not here and now.]

... I see. [He has to respond somehow, after all. Even if it's still pretty overwhelming for him... it has to be acknowledged.] You... as ever, you think too hard about things that do not matter at all.

[And as ever, he's touched by it.]

Maybe it's not the most important thing...

[far be it from stahn to deny that much. with so many other important things on their plate, he can't pretend that ice candy can really be anywhere near the top of the list.

but just because it isn't the most important thing doesn't mean it's not important at all. for stahn, it's not even just a matter of doing this because he knows leon would like ice candy; it's not just because he knows leon likes sweets. stahn's not so interested in doing things just to win some kind of favor and doing things solely because of that. he wants leon to enjoy it, but... stahn is selfish enough to want to share the experience with leon.

and then, of course...] I didn't keep my word back then, right? I said I would bring some back, and I didn't.

[so maybe they don't matter much, but stahn can't say they don't matter at all. he wanted to share the experience then with the whole group and he failed to do that. and worse yet was that going to sakura park and getting sidetracked had him fighting kongman when things were going awry in the city and leon had to deal with that on his own until they met back up..

it's taken a long time to get back to this place, but now? now he can make it up to leon properly.]

[Leon is ready to deny that, he really is. He's prepared to argue that it doesn't matter, it's not necessary--any of the typical Leon arguments.

... But when he thinks about it, it's not true and he knows it. Stahn keeping his word is something that's incredibly important to them both in a lot of ways. The fact that Stahn wasn't able to keep his word when he'd gone home to see Lilith, when Hugo had struck then... well, Leon's sure it's something that still bothers Stahn.

And in all honesty...

Having something like this, where Stahn is so determined to keep his word even about something inconsequential like this... it's important, isn't it? It's important for both of them, and for their faith in each other, and so Leon can only glance away in the end, making an acknowledging noise instead of denying it properly.

If that's the case then...fine.

He'll let Stahn keep his word here, finally.]

...Do what you want.

[leon isn't wrong in thinking that—even if in this specific instance, he's not thinking so much about what had happened when he went back to leane to see his family—stahn really has though of it a lot.

there are promises he's made to himself, ones that he hasn't shared with leon yet (though he plans to, even if it doesn't end up being right away). promises to always support what he needs, and to never leave at a time when things could go awry.

and most importantly, promises to not let himself break anymore promises.]

Mm. [he's quiet in his agreement—he'll do what he wants. what he wants is to do something nice for leon. because even though he's tried to do so much already, it never feels like enough. not because he doesn't think leon appreciates his efforts... but he wants to do more. there's so much going wrong, and nothing ever seems to balance it out aside from small fleeting moments, like what happened at the inn.]

It's just up ahead, so we'll be having ice candy in no time. [and then what? stahn isn't sure. sitting on a bench and taking in the sights or the warm ocean breeze? he has no idea if those things will help leon relax or be a little happier, but he's not sure there are any other options, either.]

[Leon doesn't really know what will follow ice candy either, but to him, it doesn't really matter. Even if the act of walking with Stahn like this is relaxing--it's able to take some of the weight off of his shoulders, even if the nature of the situation means that not all of it can be removed. Of course it can't. It's a grim situation no matter how you look at it.

But at least spending time with Stahn helps, no matter what it is they do.

It helps keep Leon grounded, it helps keep him from losing his mind over all of these worries--

And more than anything, that's important.

So Leon just nods quietly in response to that, folding his arms across his chest--but for once there's nothing particularly defensive or uncertain about the gesture. It's just out of habit, but his body language is about as relaxed as it can be, for Leon.]

[the body language isn't something that escapes stahn, of course. after all this time, it's hard for him to be ignorant of something like that, after all. there was a time when folding his arms that way often meant that leon was being obstinate about something.

but right now, stahn can see that it's just a way for him to do something with his arms and hands more so than anything else. he's not particularly tense, and he doesn't appear angry about anything... so to stahn, he knows better than to read too much into the gesture as anything but him acting out of habit. and that's fine; he'd rather see leon this way than tense or stressed about what they're up against. there will be plenty of time for that in the coming days and weeks, he's sure. there's nothing for him to say to that, so stahn just nods towards the truck stationed in the park as they arrive, wasting no time to go on over and buy two vanilla ice candies for them both.

the grin on stahn's face is nothing short of bright as he hands one over to leon. this? this is something that makes him genuinely happy. he can finally do this for leon after so long. he's definitely pure sunshine right now, without a doubt.]

There we go. Two ice candies!

[Stahn's so happy about this, and Leon doesn't know why. Even if Stahn explained some of it to him, there's still a lot that he just can't grasp. The excitement of being able to do this for Leon... it doesn't click for him, and he can only blink in response.

Well, blink and accept that ice candy, because he's already made his token protests and Stahn's beaming too brightly to make them now.

It just wouldn't feel quite right to ruin the moment like that--even Leon's aware of that. So he'll just hold his ice candy awkwardly in his hand, looking at Stahn's expression before he clears his throat and looks away.

Will he ever get used to the sunshine.... we just don't know.]

[this is fine, because stahn can carry on regardless of whether or not leon is used to it.]

Hmm... I guess we should find a place to sit. It's a good thing it's not too crowded at this time of day! [he's seen it when it's much busier, after all. somehow, he'll brighten even further when he spots a bench in a perfect spot.]

Oh—look there! That seems like it would be good, right? [the bench is situated near the view point in a far corner of the park; it looks out right over the ocean, and is shaded by a sakura tree that's almost picturesque in how the petals fall. the park's got the name it does for a reason, after all.]

[Leon's more than willing to follow Stahn's lead in this, honestly--he doesn't have any major investment in where they sit, and he's far more distracted by the ice candy.

Which is delicious, when he tastes it.

It's all he wanted, and he never got to taste it... he's happy with this, he really is, despite the entire situation.

... .... .... And then he finally looks up at the bench, blinking. It's surprisingly picturesque, but really Leon doesn't know how to process that it's the perfect date spot ever, so he just... nods.]

That should be fine. It doesn't matter to me where we sit.

[Except you know he'd throw a fit if he didn't like it.]

I don't think we'll find a seat better than that one. Let's go!

[he'll nod his head and motion towards the bench—it really is the perfect place to sit. and not knowing all that much about traditions in noischtat, it's not like stahn could know that people consider it a date spot, especially sitting where they are at the edge of the cape.

there are a few who raise curious eyebrows, but most don't pay much mind as they make their way over. stahn doesn't care all that much anyway; he's much more focused on enjoying the time with leon (and enjoying the ice candy as well). but as they sit, all stahn can do for a moment is just take in the surroundings. the air has a sweet, spring-like scent and the breeze is warm as it rolls in off the ocean (and makes a bit of a mess of his already disheveled hair, but he's not paying it too much mind). there's something peaceful and familiar about it for stahn.

it's similar to leane in a way, despite being in a city. the park is more secluded, but it's still fitzgald so it does have a home-like feel that for a moment, takes stahn away from all the stress and madness they've been facing every day for the last while.]

[In contrast, it's pretty foreign to Leon. Even if he's come here before a fair number of times for mission-related reasons, Leon's just... left sitting there, staring out into the distance with his ice candy in hand.

He has a lot on his mind, of course, so the quiet probably isn't that surprising. Thoughts of Hugo and Marian, of Ilene and their task, go in circles in his head--

But Stahn is a calming presence, and the view really is beautiful. Leon's not one to notice much of that, but he can't exactly argue it either. Not when it's right in front of his face like that. So after a moment, he shifts to glance at Stahn and... almost chokes on his ice candy.

It's not that Stahn isn't attractive, of course. He has his charms in a lot of ways (Leon is charmed in a lot of ways), but between the way the wind makes a mess of his hair and the almost mockingly sappy cherry blossom petals, it's... well, underneath that momentary choking noise, there might've been a hint of a laugh.

It's just such a silly image. Cherry blossoms fluttering in the air around him definitely do not suit a Stahn whose mullet is misbehaving even more than usual.]

[stahn is definitely not suited to be the next shoujo love interest, that's for sure.

and this is further exemplified by how decidedly not smooth he is when leon makes that choked, almost-laugh, because he whips his head around to look, effectively getting some of his own hair in his mouth. he scrunches his nose, spits back out...

then shakes his head and gives leon a puzzled look.]

...Are you okay? [maybe he's a bit concerned because of the choked sound—please don't scarf down that ice candy and choke. but maybe it's a bit because of him catching what almost could have been mistaken for a laughter. which, beyond smug scoffing.. isn't something stahn's ever heard from him.

not that it matters much, because ask he goes to further question this? he opens his mouth an a petal wafts right into his mouth.

he's two for two on this—the breeze is working against him a little, but he's not going to let it stop him.]

[Oh god.

Between Stahn spitting out his hair only to almost immediately eat cherry blossom petals and the look on his face, Leon's really not prepared for this at all. He doesn't outright start to laugh--maybe he doesn't remember how, it's a distinct possibility--but he does laugh under his breath shortly again before he catches himself, clearing his throat awkwardly and glancing away.

This time, though, it was much less obscured by a choked sound--there's really no doubt that he laughed, if only momentarily and under his breath. But who could blame him when the scene is this silly? He was not prepared at all.

But now he's embarrassed, so he's going to focus on his ice candy. AHEM.]

I'm fine. Worry more about yourself. You're being-- [no, don't laugh, stay strong, Leon] --ridiculous.

[even though stahn needs to take a moment to get the flower petals from his mouth and... get his hair away from his face?

well, the sound of that small, brief laugh rings in his ears like bells.

he's never heard leon laugh before. even if it only lasts a moment, even if he's looking at his ice candy, and even if he's trying to pretend it didn't happen, leon laughed. stahn is witness to something that most people—even their own friends—would hardly believe.

and to stahn, it's the best sound he's ever heard. because it's leon's laugh, and even if it was completely unintentional, stahn knows that he was the cause of it. he can feel his heart race, and for a brief moment, he has to bring the ice candy up and take a bite right from the top, as if that will somehow cool his cheeks down. leon laughed.

he wants to hear it again, but he knows there's no way to force it. but if it happened once, maybe he'll be lucky enough to hear it again some other time. and as another few petals fall from the tree above them... stahn begins to laugh a little himself.

he's happy.

this whole situation makes stahn absurdly happy, and the grin the spreads on his lips is brighter and more loving than ever. he's radiating a sort of warm energy that is born from knowing he did something that made leon happy and amused enough to laugh, even if just for that moment.]

I didn't know it would be this breezy! I guess I get to know what flower petals taste like, too... [he's still laughing a bit though, taking it all in stride. when he can finally bring himself to look directly at leon, he does—and it doesn't look like leon's been spared the sakura rain.

of course, on leon it seems fitting; the petals almost look like snow against his dark hair, and though for a moment he considers brushing them away, he hesitates... only letting out a final, small laugh under his breath.] I'm not the only ridiculous one here, either.

[Leon's not oblivious to the way Stahn react. From the pink in his cheeks to the laugh as well, it's clear that he heard him--but Leon doesn't know what to do about that, because it's been a long time since Leon's heard himself laugh as well. He's still not sure what, exactly, to make of it either.

(But he was happy, wasn't he?

To laugh, you have to be happy, so brief as it was, he--)

Leon just clears his throat again, even more awkwardly, and makes a slight face at that, scowling and brushing at his hair. He'll get rid of the flower petals himself, don't worry.

Ugh....petals..........]

At least I am not eating them.

[Said so tartly... though Leon is definitely shielding his ice candy from the petals so it doesn't get covered in them because that's Important.]

It cannot be helped that they would be everywhere when you chose a place like this to sit.

[Not that he really sounds remotely put out by this, because he's not.]

I can't help that this is where they sell the ice candy, either.

[it's fine, this is fine. it's expected at this point that any moments of warmth will be short-lived, especially out in public. it doesn't change the fact that he was able to do something that could make leon laugh in that brief moment.

it's something he can treasure.

his gaze sets back out towards the horizon—the sun isn't quite setting yet, though it hangs low enough in the sky waiting a bit longer would have them privy to a brilliant sunset, even with the stain on their sky that comes from hugo's machinations. still though, right now, stahn wants to wait it out and see it. because he wants to embrace this peaceful, happy moment as long as he can with the full knowledge that once they return to the inn, even in a room they share alone, they'll have to get back to focusing on their task.

even if they watch the sunset though, it won't be as good as one in a pure, sky—and that leads stahn to voice a somewhat private thought aloud. it's not one that he's ashamed of, but one he usually holds back to not overwhelm leon.]

I want to come back and see this again when the sky is clear. I can't always go back to Leane but... there's something about any place in Fitzgald, I guess. [the climate, the air—he doesn't know what it is exactly, especially when he knows that noischtat and leane aren't much alike. but there's still a comfort he gets from being exactly where they are.

maybe the biggest part of it is really that leon is with him, but either way—when he comes back, he wants leon to here too. it's what he means when he says it, after all. another time with leon, when the world is at peace, when they don't have the weight of the world on their shoulders—he wants to come back and eat ice candy with leon and watch a sunset in the park.

sakura petals and all.

maybe it's too embarrassing to say all of that out loud; even he has his limits on what he can say freely. he's learned from leon, after all—sometimes, a want needs to be reframed to hide that sheepish feeling.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject