realpolitik | Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron

[that trust is something important to stahn—perhaps just as important to him as it is to leon. because stahn knows that the life he lead before made it hard for leon to trust others.

and he knows that by betraying leon's trust once and breaking his promise, he could have easily been cast away as someone not worthy of those feelings. but still, leon places that trust in him without hesitation, and goes as far to assure him of that much in his own way. to stahn, that's quite possibly one of the warmest sentiments he could have imagined coming from leon.

to have that trust...

it means a lot to him.]

Thank you. [for always trusting him, even when it comes to things like this, and especially after all that's happened. for stahn, the feeling of having that from leon means a hell of a lot more to him than being able to travel alone while leon is on missions. this... this is much more important, in every way imaginable.]

[It's a little liberating, honestly, to be able to trust someone like this. He can have this faith in Stahn, he can trust that Stahn will take care of Marian, and it's...enough. It's enough, he knows it's enough, and he's so incredibly relieved to know that.

Still, it's silly that Stahn's thanking him for this, and even Leon knows that.]

Honestly. I should be the one thanking you for this.

[He...hasn't, because words of thanks still don't necessarily come easily to him, but he knows that Stahn's doing him an incredibly large service here--not only in protecting Marian for him, but in cutting his own travels for him.]

Maybe, but you don't have to.

[he doesn't need leon's thanks for this, not at all. this is something he does because he wants to. if it'll make leon a little happier, if it'll ease his concerns, if it can improve things in even the slightest way, then it's worth it in stahn's eyes.

he knows words of gratitude aren't ones that come easily to leon, and he wouldn't dare demand it in as many words. that's not stahn, that's not the way he is.]

...I know it means a lot to you, even if you don't say it. [even if he never says it.]

[Stahn's constant understanding makes it feel like he should be able to say what he means--but he can't, even then, and he just sighs quietly (a little bit in aggravation with himself, but also a little pleased that Stahn is so understanding as ever), and leans against Stahn more thoroughly.

It's tough to have such a sweet and understanding boyfriend!!!!!]

...Regardless. I am...certain the situation will not always be like this. [aka Leon will get over his paranoia someday.] You will not be stuck here every time I am away on a mission. [Probably.]

[the fact that leon says that at all—it shows that it's something he thinks about. to stahn, it shows that he cares, that he wants things to change with time and that it's something they can work on slowly.

slowly is fine.

stahn understands, and even if it frustrates leon that he can't necessarily keep up, stahn honestly doesn't mind. they find ways around the problems, they work through things and slowly compromise, and that's okay with him. after everything else that's happened, this is nothing more than a drop in the bucket.]

I know. [he says it gently, as understanding as ever. stahn finds himself shifting slightly so he can bring a hand up and run it lightly through leon's hair.] A lot happened, it'll take a while to rebuild and... to know it's definitely safe for everyone again.

[even though they know that on the surface. they know that they've eradicated the threat, that hugo nor miktran can ever do what they once tried again; that the swordians fulfilled their duty to ensure that history would not repeat itself. but that doesn't make it easy to shake the fact that so much has changed, that darilsheid is in shambles in many ways because of the destruction, that it's possible that the kingdom will never recover properly without them being this cautious or paranoid.

leon's reasons are good, and it's not like stahn could ever argue that. so it's fine, taking it one day at a time and figuring out just what they need to do.]

[Stahn understands. He understands why Leon's afraid, and why he's so worried, and that's...enough. He's not mocking him for it, he's not upset at him for it. It's still strange, honestly, to have Stahn be so forgiving and kind for Leon feeling...the way that he does--but no, that's in Stahn's nature. Stahn's always been like this.

It's just strange.

He's always been told otherwise. He's always known that it was wrong to feel emotional in that way, to be scared over something like this--

... It's nice to know that he can say things like this, and Stahn will understand, and won't think there's anything wrong with it at all. (It's nice to know that he doesn't have to front it, that he can say these things in good faith and not have to worry.)

So he'll lean into that touch, enjoying the feeling of Stahn's fingers in his hair, and sighs softly.]

... When the situation has settled, it will no longer be necessary. Then you can travel wherever you'd like.

[... Not that Stahn couldn't anyway, which is why Leon will amend:]

That is--then I will not request that you don't.

I'll stay here as long as you need me to.

[he can say that with certainty, because there's not even a single moment where stahn would ever break his word on that. leon made a request, and while stahn knows that he's not obligated to comply... he wants to.

he wants leon to be happy above all else. he wants leon to find things to smile about, and he wants leon to be able to rest easy when he's far from home. so if adhering to leon's request and staying in darilsheid with marian is the key to doing that, there's not a reason to hesitate.]

Don't worry that you're holding me back. [because that's not the case at all. stahn knows, even if he isn't sure how to say it—his want to travel simply because leon is out-of-town is completely selfish. it's because the idea of waking up to a cold(er) bed sounds lonely. it's because not having any family or friends to share meals with is even lonelier. it's because he knows he won't hear the tired shuffle of leon entering this room after a long day, and he'll go to bed and have it be empty.

he wants to combat the loneliness because he dislikes being alone; he doesn't really know how to be alone, but it's also still not something he says aloud.] It'll be better later anyway... when we can go together.

[or maybe he does say it aloud, albeit in a different way. being alone, being lonely is the sort of thing that scares stahn the most after anything that threatens the safety of his loved ones; the result of growing up with a warm family, a close-knit town and a network of amazing friends and traveling companions means even if it's just to find himself, he isn't sure how to do it alone.]

[It will be better when they can go together, this much is absolutely true. Leon knows it, because Leon knows... that even if they have yet to go traveling together, there will be a time when they do. There will be a time when they set everything aside, and when they just travel, together. When they visit the others, but see new sights for themselves as well. When they go wherever their whims might take them, and wherever Stahn wanted to see.

Leon knows this, because it all comes together for him here and now. With Stahn acting like this, and with the way that Leon feels...

Of course he wants to make certain that Stahn's dreams come true as well.

Quietly, he tilts his head to make sure that he's meeting Stahn's eyes, though he otherwise doesn't pull away. This is too comfortable, even if what he has to say is serious (to him), and he wants to be sure that Stahn knows he means it completely seriously.]

When that time comes, and when the situation is stable and safer...then I will take time off for our travels.

[For Stahn's travels, really. For everything Stahn wanted to see and do. For all of the people Stahn wanted to see. Back when he'd brought it up the first time, so long ago, Leon hadn't even been sure how to react. It had been too much in every single way.

It's funny that it all falls into place so easily now, as if it was always meant to be.]

Edited 2016-04-22 05:49 (UTC)

Leon...

[his tone is surprised—but really, maybe not as surprised as he could have been about this situation. the truth is that stahn always expected this time to come—that leon would eventually change a little and see things a bit differently.

he never once doubted that when the time was right, leon would be more than willing—and maybe even outright wanted to go with him and see the world together. but the other truth is that stahn didn't expect it to come so soon. even if they're still quite a while away from being able to carry out this idea... the fact that leon has warmed up to it so much on his own is an incredible step forward.

there's a smile that forms on stahn's lips, but it's really the warmth and affection in his eyes that do justice to how strongly he feels about the things leon is saying.]

No— ["leon" isn't the right name for this. it's not the right name to convey how important his coming around to the idea is. he doesn't know leon's reasons, he doesn't know that it's born from a legitimate want for stahn to achieve his goals, especially when right now, his goals are just to take things day-by-day and work towards a better future for their world with leon.

but he needs to convey how he feels somehow.]

Emilio. [right. that's right, because this is the heart of not not leon, the esteemed soldier and one of the world's heroes. this is emilio, the boy with a heart of gold. and while they are one and the same and make up what everyone else knows as "leon magnus," it's different for stahn. it's more special this way.

but stahn doesn't actually have words to convey how important this is to him, or how much it means to hear those words come from leon unprompted. so instead, his hand shifts out of leon's hair and touches his face, palm resting to cup leon's cheek as he leans in for a gentle, warm kiss. that's where his words and sentiments are—his thanks for leon's honesty with his feelings, his thanks for leon being so willing to do these things for him.

and another set of unspoken sentiments that neither of them ever put into words, but can't really be denied, either. the feeling he has, it's well beyond some sort of infatuation or admiration, and his gratitude melts and blends with those other feelings because he's also to thankful for the fact that leon is able to make him feel that way at all. it's natural, it's right, even if they don't have the words for it. there aren't words for much right now, but stahn knows there's just a lot he needs to make sure leon understands even without that.]

[It's... nice.

Gently, Leon's fingers curl over Stahn's wrist as he cups his cheek, but it isn't to pull his hand away--they remain there gently, even as Stahn leans in for that kiss. At this point, they've been together long enough and have been able to be gently affectionate together enough that Leon knows it's coming.

Which makes it easy for him to just softly lean into it, pleased by it even if he won't say so (but what else is new, and does he really have to say anything when his eyes flutter shut and he presses into the kiss under his own power?). It's warm and it's gentle, kind and sweet, and it shows more than anything that Leon said the right thing.

This made Stahn happy. This is what Stahn wanted. Which means... that this is what has to happen. Leon will make it happen, when he's certain the situation is stable enough for him to leave, and when he knows for a fact Marian will be 100% safe. When those things are accomplished...

They'll go. Just the two of them.

...There are all sorts of promises lurking beneath something like that, lurking within the promise of the two of them alone for a prolonged period of time, but Leon's not ready to try to unpack them yet; instead, he gently breaks away from the kiss, breathing somewhat unsteadily, and swallows. Here, he's Emilio. And... on their travels, too, he thinks that maybe...he'll be able to be more of Emilio than Leon, sometimes, when it's just the two of them.]

...Take the time to decide where you would like to begin this trip. I will start to prepare following my missions.

[And... maybe seeing Stahn this happy about it makes Leon a little excited for it too.]

[stahn hums a little, and entirely due to the sheer amount of warmth that comes from the shift in conversation and body language.

it's a far cry from how things were at the start; stahn being reluctant to push leon over his boundaries and always exercising caution at even the slightest signs of affection. he can remember feeling selfish for not wanting to let go leon even as a time when he needed support. he remembers how stahn suggested he wanted to travel—how he wanted to travel with leon—and was met with uncertainty.

but things are so obviously different now. it's so much easier to touch leon, to kiss him, to express his feelings in what ways he knows how without there being any hesitation. it's easier because leon reciprocates, and even though leon is so often terrible at saying the right things, his actions always do the talking. it's in the way leon's fingers grasp at his wrist, or how his eyes close when he leans in for a kiss. it's even in those slight upward curvatures of his lips; those small smiles of leon's are stahn's favorite thing because they feel so rare and special.

and then sometimes, leon just says the right thing, and at the right time. after all this, after a conversation that had it's own sort of disappointment, leon can say something so selfless and thoughtful—it's just a good reminder to him of why leon is so important.]

I don't have to think about it. [softly, warmly, stahn says that and maybe it's no surprise that his first destination is the one that he's thought about most. there's no question about it.] I already know where I want to go first.

[It's really not a surprise at all. Leon's got a pretty good idea of where Stahn wants to go first and why, but nonetheless he'll let Stahn be the one to say so first. It's only right, after all. This is Stahn's trip, Stahn's goals and Stahn's dreams.

Of course it's only right that Leon leaves it up to him.

And so he makes an acknowledging noise at that--more a hum than anything--and ever-so-slightly presses his cheek more firmly into Stahn's hand. Look, it's not like he's nuzzling closer or anything but

On anyone else that would be a vague nuzzling closer.]

Is that so? [He'll ask, then. It's only right, even if he thinks he knows where they'll be going.] Where would that be?

[it doesn't matter what leon considers that action to be; the warmth pressing a little closer against his hand is enough. everything about it is just fine to him, and it doesn't need to do anything else to convey it, either.]

Leane. [it's definitely the expected answer here. stahn wants to adventure and see the world, but how could he go off and do just that without stopping to see his precious family? besides that, he really hasn't had the time to see them since he first went back to darilsheid. leon hasn't been able to meet them properly either, and for stahn?

for stahn, that's even more important than going on an adventure.]

I want to see everyone in Leane, and... I want you to be able to meet them too. [and he adds:] Gramps and Lilith want to see you a lot, too. Lilith said so in her last letter.

[the letters don't come too often, just as they don't go out that much thanks to how difficult stahn finds it to write letters. but they happen a bit, with stahn telling them as much as he can about what happens in darilsheid, and about the people who've become important in his life now that he lives there.]

[Yep, this is no surprise at all.

On the other hand, it's nice. It's nice to hear it from Stahn, it's nice to know that some things never change, and even if there are parts of "going to meet Stahn's family" that still make Leon nervous (he didn't know he was still capable of becoming nervous like that, but you learn new things every day), he's still more than willing. After all, this is something he's promised Stahn before--when they can, they'll go see his family.

After all, he left them behind in order to stay with Leon. That's....a lot. Especially coming from someone who loves his family that much... Leon knows it's a lot, even if he can't quite comprehend that level of familial love so easily.

But even so.

He's willing, and he'd never say no to that.]

Naturally. [If anything, he sounds vaguely amused; Stahn's really predictable in the best of ways sometimes.] Then that will be our first destination.

[Easily, simply. No arguments from him. How could he ever argue that?]

[stahn smiles a little wider at his response—it's not as if he would have expected leon to refuse or ay they should go somewhere else first. but even still, it makes him incredibly happy to hear leon agree so easily.

there's no traces of hesitation in his tone. there's nothing about it that even indicates that he doesn't want to do it, either. so for stahn, there's nothing but good feelings when it comes to the fact that they're going to be able to do this one day.]

I know it'll be a while, but... [stahn knows. no matter how much he wants to see leane for himself and any rebuilding efforts that may be going on there, he can't leave darilsheid, either. he doesn't want to go without leon anyway, because he'd be too worried about something happening.

just as leon worries for marian's safety, stahn worries for leon's, after all.

but it doesn't stop him from being happy about the fact that they'll go at the first opportunity they have. even if he's worried about everything in leane, because the whole world had cleaning up to do following dycroft's destruction, he knows it's okay. okay enough that even with wanting to see his family, the letters suffice.

so stahn just leans forward a bit, gently resting his forehead against leon's (with his hand still cupping his cheek).] Thank you.

[It will. Unfortunately, there's really no way to make this time go faster, or to make Leon's worries go away. It'll take time, both for the reconstruction effort and for Leon's worries and fears to simply be put to rest.

But it will happen. Of that, Leon has no doubts, because Leon and Stahn have time. They have more than enough time for each other, and to be able to do this in their future--because they share a future.

And that's enough.

So his eyes slide half-shut at their foreheads pressed together; it's warm and it's comforting; he's happy for that.]

I promised before. [So there's no need to thank him for it now.]

It is only natural that that would be our first destination.

[stahn knows these things, so even if the wait sucks sometimes, there's never a moment where he thinks to complain about it. the truth is that knowing they have to take care of the much bigger things first means that stahn knows how to shut off his selfish wants enough to not complain about something like that.

especially because even without doing those things, and even with the worries of the future... he still has moments like this. these are the warmest and most peaceful moments. leon is close to him, quietly taking in the affections and they're talking—communicating. they've come so far in the last few months, and stahn is grateful for that.]

You remembered. [stahn knows it's probably not all that surprising for leon to remember; he's the type who doesn't make promises he doesn't intend to keep, and this is a topic that has been pretty important for a long while now. but for him to bring up that promise once more of his own volition...

...that's pretty important to stahn. promises are a big deal to him as it is; they're the sort of thing he hates to break and always has even since childhood. but what's more is the fact that leon is so intent on not breaking that promise too, even if he only expresses it in simple terms.]

There's a lot I want to see... but it'll be exciting for the first thing to be somewhere you get to see. [it's important to stahn for leon to see his him, after all.] I guess that sounds pretty funny but...

[but... he's not really sure how to frame that aside from saying "it's true," so he just quietly trails off, hoping that leon will understand the implications of just how much he wants leon to see leane, to meet his family and experience that warmth firsthand.]

[Admittedly, this is a difficult conversation for Leon to navigate. He doesn't really know how to handle all of the nuances to it--the fact that going back to Stahn's home carries connotations, the fact that the both of them going to meet Stahn's family has a weight to it that Leon's never quite felt before.

The fact that Stahn's first stop on his travels, in all of his dreams, is to simply bring Leon back to his hometown...

Isn't that a lot?

Quietly, Leon glances down, a small flicker of an expression. He still wants this. He's still entirely willing to go along with this plan, to travel with Stahn to Leane, to see Stahn's family and meet them regardless (or perhaps because of) whatever connotations that action carries....

... But it's quite a lot for him as well, and rathe daunting in its own way, so he really can't help the way he glances away.]

... When the time comes, I won't refuse.

[That much, he can promise and guarantee, no matter how daunting it gets or how uncertain he might be.

He won't refuse, because it's important to Stahn, and it's important to Leon as well, and he's giving that guarantee here and now.]

[leon doesn't laugh at him. he doesn't scoff, or write off the fact that stahn knows how ridiculous his desires probably sound. for leon, who never really had those things, for someone who once seemed so unsure and willing...

leon doesn't seem to be any of those things at all. he doesn't refuse, he doesn't chide—he accepts it. even if he can't look stahn in the eyes while saying just that, stahn can plainly see that it's because there's no reason for leon to do those things he may have once done in the past. even now, when stahn admits that it sounds silly...

it just goes to show things have changed. leon... really wants to do this, doesn't he? maybe he's nervous, because it's such a big step, but he wants to. it's important to them both in some way, even if it's for different reasons.]

I think you'll like it. [stahn will assure after a moment. if he can ease leon's worries and give him more reasons to look forward to that time, it's not a bad thing.] I think you and Gramps would have a lot to talk about... he's got a lot of stories from when he was soldier in Seinegald. Lilith's cooking is really good, too... and there are a lot of nice people in town. It's quiet, and the air is always really nice there.

[it's a nice break from the city life; he thinks leon could find it refreshing. though it does raise a question that stahn winds up pondering aloud.] ...I wonder how Jonathan's doing.

[It's curious, honestly. All of the things Stahn's talking about...they're all entirely foreign to Leon.

His role as an outside special snowflake knight means that he never really had anyone he could talk to about being a soldier for Seinegald. He always had to figure everything out on his own, in part due to his own personality, and in part due to the fact that he truly didn't have anyone else. Having family meals, well...those are getting a little more familiar, but he still knows that he's never experienced anything like what Stahn is talking about with his family.

And he's never been somewhere except for on missions where the air is really nice, and where it's always quiet.

... Quietly, he tilts his head. It sounds...completely new to him, but he's willing to do his best to embrace it when they go.]

... Jonathan?

[In the end, he'll naturally question the part he doesn't understand at all.

???

Is that someone Leon should know...]

[oh, right.

stahn realizes that he's never mentioned jonathan to leon specifically. he came up in conversations with rutee and mary on a couple of occasions, but they'd always been at times when leon wasn't around. and even in these times of peace, it's not something they've spoken about, partially because stahn does get a bit homesick for leane when he talks about his family at length.]

I guess I never told you about him., huh... Jonathan's my...

[the start of the word "friend" rests on his lips so much that it practically fall out of his mouth, but stahn still refrains from saying it. even if he's gotten past much of the worst of leon's judgments, there's still something that makes hesitant, born from knowing that leon may not be able to understand befriending an animal.]

...he's my sheep. [it's a little hard to say like that though, even if he generally has no problem admitting it.] He tends to get himself into trouble, though...

Your...

[Whatever Leon was expecting, it wasn't that. There's a long moment in which Leon stares at Stahn. His...sheep. Jonathan is Stahn's sheep. And he's worried about whether or not Jonathan is doing okay. Of all of the people Stahn could've brought up, he...

Brought up his...sheep....

First it's a quiet snort under his breath. But the more he thinks about it, the more ridiculous it is, and Leon can't help the way he ducks his head, sincerely trying to stifle a laugh.

His sheep... of course. That fits Stahn so well it's ridiculous.]

—Leon?

[his tone is definitely surprised, because it's not the response he could have ever expected. saying it was ridiculous to care so much for a sheep? maybe. a scoff? definitely.

but leon is ducking his head away and stifling a laugh. leon magnus, who so rarely laughs that it's practically foreign for stahn to hear. which for stahn, means he has no idea what to make of it. is the idea of caring so much for a sheep that ridiculous to leon? it's not like stahn doesn't think it's impossible, and he wouldn't be mad at leon for it...

but laughter is just not the response he expected out of it, so he has no idea how to react.]

[God, he was honestly going to try to stifle the laughter and do something of use, but then Stahn sounds so baffled and surprised, and Leon can't help it--he makes a valiant effort to stop himself from laughing, and then he crumbles a little, burying his face in Stahn's shoulder because it's close and present.

But his shoulders are still shaking, so it's pretty obvious he's definitely laughing for real.

It's just... so silly.]

[he's so confused.

even as leon's position shifts and his shoulders quake from the laughter, stahn still isn't sure what's so funny about it. or if the laughter is at him.]

Is Jonathan really that funny...? [stahn definitely sounds puzzled, but at the same time?

leon is laughing. even if it's completely at his expense, leon found something to laugh about, and it's kind of a good feeling even if he still isn't sure what to make of it. he almost wants to know what's so funny so he can have reasons to make sure leon will laugh again. if that laughter continues any longer, stahn will undoubtedly be too endeared not to smile a bit more himself...

he didn't realize how important a single sound could be.]

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