you can't spell "alone" without "leon" (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
discard) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
realpolitik2015-10-16 11:13 am
discard) wrote in realpolitik2015-10-16 11:13 am
Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron | 071
[this is a catch-all for boyfriends
here's a list
- ice cream ✓
- seasickness
- stahn sacrifice ✓
- reunion: judas ✓
- taming stahn's hair ✓
- piggyback rides ✓
- just imagine
- family dinner
- why is there pow hammer
- possessive leon
- apologies
- post-barbatos afterlife meeting
- AND MORE]
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[sure, in the end? stahn's not really going to let it go. but that's not going to stop him from pouting like a child when leon shrugs it off with such strict requirements.]
It's not like your job, you know...
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Rinse.
Regardless, it is my work at stake, so I believe it is fair to be concerned over this.
[He's just going to start with his own hair, as matter of fact as ever.]
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[stahn sighs, but he'll comply, getting into position to properly rinse his hair out.]
It doesn't feel very important if you put it that way. ["important" is probably the wrong word. "romantic," "loving," "considerate," "passionate," are probably better words, but this is stahn. it's hard for him to say those things too.]
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[This feels like another of those things Leon is just...not grasping. He frowns a little to himself, finishing lathering up his hair abs then burying his fingers into Stahn's to help him rinse the soap out.]
Naturally it is important. Discussing it frankly does not change that.
[????]
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There's still... a difference. You're talking about it with... [how does he explain it? clinical would be the word, but that's not really in stahn's vernacular in that sense.]
Well, like it's a job or a mission. Business and not... something just for us... [naturally, stahn is the sentimental one about this, which all ties back to his small-town values about love and sex.]
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... Something just for them. That's certainly true, but.]
... Nothing would be able to change that even so.
[...Right? Isn't that how it always is? That sort of thing--it's just for them.]
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[this is difficult for stahn, because he knows he's not conveying his feelings right at all. so he pauses, drawing in a breath and steeling himself before he says what he feels.]
It doesn't feel personal...! It feels too... planned, like a mission if we talk about doing that and... before...
[yeah, he loses steam pretty quick because saying "preparing the desk just to have sex on it doesn't work for him at all.]
If we're going to... in a place like that... it would be because we want to, with each other. Like last night, and this morning too... [he's so red in the face right now.]
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But on the other hand...]
You can't possibly believe that we won't need to plan head in the future.
[... After all, they're not anywhere near prepared for proper intercourse. He knows that much.]
While I don't disagree that there is merit to it...even so, occasionally I do not believe there is harm to planning either.
[They'll be fine.]
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[stahn's seriously about to sink himself down into the water because he's so flustered and unsure of how to express himself.]
But... something like that—! With the desk... it... [how can you plan "hey, let's have sex on the desk" in advance? it just doesn't seem right to him.
leave him here to die, he doesn't know how to do this at all.]
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He doesn't...get it.]
... If you decide to coherently state what is bothering you, perhaps I can try to fix it then. As for now... [He doesn't get it, and it's a little frustrating for him.]
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[he's definitely really flustered right now, and the fact that leon is responding this way probably isn't helping.]
It's just... hard... I don't know how to explain it.
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If you find a way to do so, then be certain to inform me. For now... we're clean enough, I believe.
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[he's not disagreeing about them being done with the bath, even if he doesn't seem like he's quite ready to move yet, if only because, well...]
I don't like it when we misunderstand each other. [leon may not be angry, but stahn is a little frustrated with himself for not being able to convey his thoughts properly about something so important.]
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[... It's a sad truth, even if he hates to admit he doesn't understand something...he has to.
Because he doesn't know what else to do at this point.]
I was simply...attempting to plan for the future. [And tease Stahn a little. He doesn't know how it got like this.]
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he turns a bit to look at leon properly and then shakes his head.]
It's just new to me. I... want to do those things. Like, what you said—but planning something like that, on the desk instead of it just happening at the right time just because of your work...
[he's flushed.] It feels... [why can't he find the words for it. he gives up, shaking his head.]
...Never mind. My head isn't good at these things. [he'll smile weakly; he feels like he ruined the whole mood just because he got so flustered by leon's clinical approach.]
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It is... not as though I think it is necessary to discuss it ahead of time, but even so... perhaps keep it on your mind to clear my desk off first if the urge strikes you.
[For desk sex.
That's all he's asking for here. And he's not willing to let "my head isn't good at these things" to stop them from reaching an understanding.]
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[yes, this is definitely a strange line of discussion for them to go into for certain, and... well, he'd probably be laughing if he didn't feel like the guilty party here.]
I'll be careful. Of your work and your important things... [his face flushes a little brighter as he remembers the way he knocked the stuff off the desk last time. he's really bad at explaining his feelings in a way leon understands but maybe...
maybe they'll be fine figuring it out this way.]
...Sorry. I... complicated things...
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[Nothing was permanently ruined, Leon's just trying to run damage control here.
Can they not...get bodily fluids on any documents...please.]
It was simply a thought.
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on leon? not so bad. on his work? nope.]
It... wasn't a bad thought. [he'll just add:] Nobody ever talked about these things around me. Not... so forwardly so I guess...
[he got wrapped up in his embarrassment and his feelings. this is your boyfriend, leon, he's a sensitive bumpkin very unlike the seinegald soldiers.]
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[Leon pauses a little uncertainly, considering that. He's used to this, honestly--even if he wasn't used to the actions, he's somewhat used to the words, but if it makes Stahn uncomfortable...]
Would you prefer I avoid speaking of it in that way?
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[stahn shakes his head firmly at that.]
I... No. I want to be better at talking about these things too. [leon was constantly growing and improving when it comes to opening up. this is the first real wall stahn is hit, and even if he's embarrassed, he wants to be better for leon.]
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After all...he isn't sure just how much he can say or do here, or what would make Stahn comfortable or uncomfortable.]
If you are uncomfortable...it is fine to say so. I do not need to so desperately say these things that we cannot pause the conversation.
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You don't need to hold back for me, though. It's just new, that's all... I'll be okay. [he lets out a weak, sheepish chuckle.] I guess it's just... easier to do those things than to talk about them for someone like me.
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And then, a thoughtful expression crosses his face.]
I don't need to hold back...? You will tell me if I cross your boundaries, correct?
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[why... is leon so thoughtful about this in particular?]
I would tell you... if it was really too much.
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