realpolitik | Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron

[well, at least it's opening up some kind of dialogue here.]

Me neither. I mean—I did, but... I always thought that was part of settling down and starting a family. Before. Now...

[now, he doesn't quite see it that way, but he can't get the imagery out of his head. so admitting it all is pretty difficult for him too.

it's definitely a bit strange to say "i thought about getting married, but not to you, even if stahn only means that his initial thoughts of that lifestyle had been pretty narrow before now. but leon had made him change his mind about a lot, since he had to be so much more flexible to accommodate leon's boundaries.]

Ah, I— [he's still sputtering here. he's sputtering and blushing and completely unable to look at leon because he's so embarrassed by this topic.

leave him here to die, this is fine. who needs to live when they're this embarrassed?]

[That's all the reassurance he needs; Judas is grateful that Stahn still doesn't consider him a child.

He thinks it'd be pretty embarrassing if he did.

Either way--right, the shop. Judas quirks an eyebrow at it, but there's no judgement here; he's been to worse for his supplies by this point.]

Let's go, then. The sooner this task is taken care of, the better, correct?

[This is only getting even more embarrassing somehow... of course Stahn wanted to get married and settle down and start a family. He'd said so before, honestly, but Leon had never really thought about it. He'd already warned Stahn that he wouldn't be able to provide a family, and Stahn had been fine with that.

But... marriage?

... Can he take that away from Stahn's dreams as well? But on the other hand, the thought of getting married is so foreign and strange and overwhelming to him that he can't even imagine trying to say yes to something like that. What would that even be like?

Finally, in a somewhat strangled voice, he manages to try to bring some normalcy back.]

Marriage...is a concept that suits you, yes.

[But...not so much Leon.]

Right! If we take too long, Rutee'll be pretty mad when we get back.

[he's not speaking from... experience... or anything....

your sister is brutal and savage af, judas.]

[this whole conversation is so awkward and embarrassing. this is why he tried to avoid actually telling leon and now that he has...

maybe he regrets it a little?

he's pretty sure marriage is something that's not going to be on the table for them. he's not even pushing for it, because he knows that it's not something that they were in any position to think about. it had taken a lot just for them to get to the point where they currently are, and bringing in something that was so much more serious and weighted... it's too much.]

...Don't worry about it. [stahn says, quietly.] I don't need it. It was just... a thought, because of what happened.

[in the end, all he wants is to be with leon and live happily. he has everything he could possibly need this way, so there's no point in making things stressful between them over something like marriage.]

[It runs in the family.

Which is why Judas looks totally unperturbed.]

With good reason. A task this simple should not take a long time.

You...

[He's still fighting hard to get these words out there, and it's still not easy. Leon doesn't know what these words mean for someone like him, honestly. All he can do is say what he believes, and try not to worry too hard about it, because if he does he freezes up and can't get any words through his throat at all.

Instead--]

--You are...the sort of person who should have such a thing.

[Marriage. Stahn wants it. Stahn deserves it.

But... but Leon... really doesn't know what that means for himself.]

It can't always be helped, you know...

[sigh!! it's not like stahn wants to take a long time with this stuff either.]

[this isn't how things were supposed to go at all.

leon makes that face, and any feelings of awkwardness seem to fall to the wayside. leon is wearing an expression that makes his heart sink in an instant. so he'll move closer, reaching out for leon's hand.

there's something stahn needs to assure him of before he really starts to let himself believe these things.]

It's really not important. [though he knows leon won't be convinced so easily.]

I didn't always know what it meant to settle down. That's what other people did in Leane, so I thought it would be the same.

[stahn squeezes leon's hand before firmly shaking his head.] I don't need to be like that. I...

I'm happy like this, Leon. [he'll look up, offering eye contact for the first time since this exchange started.] You're still my family now this way, so... I'm happy, as long as you want to stay like this.

[staying with him—that's all stahn really wants. the marriage thing is something he can put away, because it was just a thought.]

Yes, I am sure you've gotten distracted plenty of times before.

[Ice cold...]

[Stahn is still, in a lot of ways, far too good to him. And far too good for him. Stahn, the simple soul who saved the world, is willing to give up or set aside so many of his dreams to be with Leon, and Leon's under no illusion that he doesn't deserve that sort of kindness and care. But nonetheless, here they are.

Nonetheless, Stahn's taking care of him again.

Leon clears his throat, glancing away himself when Stahn meets his eyes.]

Are you...certain?

[Is Stahn really happy like this? When he thinks about the pure sort of happiness that something like marriage would bring to Stahn, it's hard to feel okay with something like this, even if it settles Leon a little bit.]

...You know she chewed me out the day you came home with me.

[like literally, he can't win! why are these siblings so savage...]

Mm! Do you really think I'd lie about that?

[stahn, who is a terrible liar? stahn, who couldn't even hold back his own thoughts for a full minute before he confided them in leon?

he wouldn't say something like that if he didn't mean it, so it almost seems foolish to even have that questioned. he tugs at leon a little, indicating that he should come closer—and his gaze doesn't falter even though leon's looked away.]

I didn't come all this way to get married, Leon. I'm here because I want to be with you, however that is... that makes me happy. So...

Don't feel like you're taking something away from me, okay? [yeah, he's about to get sappy and embarrassing. which is why he'll definitely fumble on his words more than once trying to spit out his thoughts.] I don't want to do things that won't make you happy...

And...

I wouldn't get married to someone just because I'm "supposed" to. [which is a good way of saying that he's not going to change his mind and leave leon for that traditional lifestyle.]

You. Leon. Emilio... [he smiles a little brighter, though his cheeks are just as flushed as they had been earlier.] You're what makes me happy!

[he's so... pure.... his tone, his smile, everything is incredibly sincere. maybe now is not the time to talk about marriage, but maybe it's the time to really and truly hammer home how important leon is to him.]

[...WELL...]

You did drop perfectly good food that time. I understand that you were surprised, but you should be more careful.

[... It's true.

Stahn doesn't lie to him, and this isn't a lie. Stahn loves him this much, for all that he is, and he doesn't want anything more than exactly what he's saying. He doesn't want someone he can marry, he wants Leon. He doesn't want someone who fulfills just that role for him--he wants Leon, with all of his faults and mistakes and flaws.

He wants to be with Leon, and he wants to make Leon happy.

And of course, Leon believes it, because Stahn would never lie to him.

Quietly, Leon follows the tug, allowing Stahn to pull him closer until he's basically leaning on him. When it's Stahn being like this, so pure and so certain and so warm... Leon believes it, of course. How could he not?]

... I understand. [And he's...honestly so relieved. Marriage is too daunting a topic for him to even contemplate, but being with Stahn is easy, and he would never want to lose that for anything.] Then... I, too, am content with this.

[truly ice cold...]

Can you really blame me when... it was you?

Good... that's good.

[the relief in stahn's own voice is palpable, and with good reason. there had been the legitimate worry in those few moments that they were going to take steps backwards.

that maybe leon would panic because marriage came up at all. that maybe the notion would scare him away—or worse yet, that he would push stahn away because of some notion that it's better for him. sure, marriage may be the sort of thing that stahn could settle into easily, but... that's not what he wants.

if it's a happy byproduct of being with leon, it's fine. but he'd rather spend the rest of his days unmarried and with leon than anything else. even if he had thought of what it may be like, even if he pictured what could one day be?

what matters more (and most) to stahn is leon. so having leon practically leaning against him—well, it's easier to pull him into a hug this way.]

That's all I want... I promise, that's all I want. [he repeats it, as if the extra reassurance is necessary. he's not sure when it came to be this way, when leon became the center of his world and the pillar that keeps him steadiest, but that's the way it is, and he has no intent on letting that go.]

[...]

You still should not have dropped what you bought.

[Thanks, Judas.]

... I believe you.

[That answer comes surprisingly easily as well. So much has changed for Leon, and bit by bit, he's realizing it for himself. He's not the same person he was before. And when Stahn assures him of something like that...he believes him. His own lack of self-esteem on occasion is still not enough to shake his faith in Stahn, after all.

And even that is being mended, bit by little bit.

Either way, for now he just sighs, properly relaxing against Stahn, and nods. It was probably more stressful than it should have been for something just...as simple as that, but considering Leon... that was inevitable.

And even so.... he's relieved to have Stahn.]

That...is all I need as well.

It's not like I did it on purpose!

[he feels so ganged up on here.]

[A soft snort.]

Perhaps I will carry the necessary groceries this time.

[He's just giving Stahn a hard time at this point.]

So then... we're okay, right?

[in that nothing will change. in that leon won't run away or want him to leave. in that he doesn't have a shred of doubt in stahn's sincerity.

of course, he does largely know the answer to that. he knows that leon wouldn't lean against him in this way if there was any other answer. and maybe that's exactly why he pulls leon to a proper hug, breathing out a soft, relieved breath.]

I don't want to leave. [and maybe it's just the fact that they had a conversation like this, or the notion of marriage still lingering somewhere in his mind. but stahn feels the need to reiterate that statement; to say the things he earnestly feels.] No matter what.

[The proper hug is all the reassurance Leon needs as well. He settles into it relievedly, resting his cheek on Stahn's shoulder as he does. It's strange how much energy that took, even just having a conversation like that--but maybe because it was so intensely emotional.

He's not going to think about it too hard.

Instead, he just mimics the reassured breath out, and--in his own Leon way, he'll say the same.]

I have not said that you are allowed to leave yet.

[Don't leave.

They're okay.]

Emilioooo...

[as ever, he knows how to get under stahn's skin. rude. so rude!!

stahn will definitely make him carry more groceries than his waify body can handle.]

[Please, his strength stat is fine, it's his defense that's pathetic. Either way, he snorts softly at that, but just nods towards the building.]

Don't whine. I'm obviously just joking.

Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron | 071

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