realpolitik | Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron

Mm! Do you really think I'd lie about that?

[stahn, who is a terrible liar? stahn, who couldn't even hold back his own thoughts for a full minute before he confided them in leon?

he wouldn't say something like that if he didn't mean it, so it almost seems foolish to even have that questioned. he tugs at leon a little, indicating that he should come closer—and his gaze doesn't falter even though leon's looked away.]

I didn't come all this way to get married, Leon. I'm here because I want to be with you, however that is... that makes me happy. So...

Don't feel like you're taking something away from me, okay? [yeah, he's about to get sappy and embarrassing. which is why he'll definitely fumble on his words more than once trying to spit out his thoughts.] I don't want to do things that won't make you happy...

And...

I wouldn't get married to someone just because I'm "supposed" to. [which is a good way of saying that he's not going to change his mind and leave leon for that traditional lifestyle.]

You. Leon. Emilio... [he smiles a little brighter, though his cheeks are just as flushed as they had been earlier.] You're what makes me happy!

[he's so... pure.... his tone, his smile, everything is incredibly sincere. maybe now is not the time to talk about marriage, but maybe it's the time to really and truly hammer home how important leon is to him.]

[... It's true.

Stahn doesn't lie to him, and this isn't a lie. Stahn loves him this much, for all that he is, and he doesn't want anything more than exactly what he's saying. He doesn't want someone he can marry, he wants Leon. He doesn't want someone who fulfills just that role for him--he wants Leon, with all of his faults and mistakes and flaws.

He wants to be with Leon, and he wants to make Leon happy.

And of course, Leon believes it, because Stahn would never lie to him.

Quietly, Leon follows the tug, allowing Stahn to pull him closer until he's basically leaning on him. When it's Stahn being like this, so pure and so certain and so warm... Leon believes it, of course. How could he not?]

... I understand. [And he's...honestly so relieved. Marriage is too daunting a topic for him to even contemplate, but being with Stahn is easy, and he would never want to lose that for anything.] Then... I, too, am content with this.

Good... that's good.

[the relief in stahn's own voice is palpable, and with good reason. there had been the legitimate worry in those few moments that they were going to take steps backwards.

that maybe leon would panic because marriage came up at all. that maybe the notion would scare him away—or worse yet, that he would push stahn away because of some notion that it's better for him. sure, marriage may be the sort of thing that stahn could settle into easily, but... that's not what he wants.

if it's a happy byproduct of being with leon, it's fine. but he'd rather spend the rest of his days unmarried and with leon than anything else. even if he had thought of what it may be like, even if he pictured what could one day be?

what matters more (and most) to stahn is leon. so having leon practically leaning against him—well, it's easier to pull him into a hug this way.]

That's all I want... I promise, that's all I want. [he repeats it, as if the extra reassurance is necessary. he's not sure when it came to be this way, when leon became the center of his world and the pillar that keeps him steadiest, but that's the way it is, and he has no intent on letting that go.]

... I believe you.

[That answer comes surprisingly easily as well. So much has changed for Leon, and bit by bit, he's realizing it for himself. He's not the same person he was before. And when Stahn assures him of something like that...he believes him. His own lack of self-esteem on occasion is still not enough to shake his faith in Stahn, after all.

And even that is being mended, bit by little bit.

Either way, for now he just sighs, properly relaxing against Stahn, and nods. It was probably more stressful than it should have been for something just...as simple as that, but considering Leon... that was inevitable.

And even so.... he's relieved to have Stahn.]

That...is all I need as well.

So then... we're okay, right?

[in that nothing will change. in that leon won't run away or want him to leave. in that he doesn't have a shred of doubt in stahn's sincerity.

of course, he does largely know the answer to that. he knows that leon wouldn't lean against him in this way if there was any other answer. and maybe that's exactly why he pulls leon to a proper hug, breathing out a soft, relieved breath.]

I don't want to leave. [and maybe it's just the fact that they had a conversation like this, or the notion of marriage still lingering somewhere in his mind. but stahn feels the need to reiterate that statement; to say the things he earnestly feels.] No matter what.

[The proper hug is all the reassurance Leon needs as well. He settles into it relievedly, resting his cheek on Stahn's shoulder as he does. It's strange how much energy that took, even just having a conversation like that--but maybe because it was so intensely emotional.

He's not going to think about it too hard.

Instead, he just mimics the reassured breath out, and--in his own Leon way, he'll say the same.]

I have not said that you are allowed to leave yet.

[Don't leave.

They're okay.]

Well...

[when leon says it like that, there's really only one thing he can say in response:]

I hope you don't ever say that at all. [it's a bit of a quiet admission, but it's incredibly earnest. he doesn't want to leave leon, not ever. so of course, he'll say that... not that the extra assurance is really completely needed at this point.

but he wants to say it.

he wants to further reassure leon that he has no intention of ever going, marriage be damned.]

[Stop encouraging his possessive tendencies, Stahn... but with that sort of encouragement, Leon's really not going to hesitate to go right along with it.

Which is why his fingers tighten in Stahn's sleeve, and he hums quietly under his breath. He's comfortable here, resting against Stahn like this, and he's happy too to know that Stahn is for all intents and purposes his, even without marriage. Perhaps... it would be worthwhile to lay a more permanent and distinctive claim on Stahn via that method, but...

Leon's never felt like he had to, not with how sincere and trustworthy Stahn is, and not with the faith he has in him.

And so, with Stahn encouraging him like this, and being so patient and understanding with him, Leon will go ahead and reward him for it, leaning up to press his lips to Stahn's briefly, but pulling away only far enough to murmur practically against his lips--]

I do not intend to give you up or share you--of course I will never say that you are allowed to leave.

[He's quite happy to lay his claim right here and now.]

[oh.

what starts out as seeming so innocuous quickly changes the mood around them. leon murmuring words that sound so provocative sends a shiver straight down stahn's spine. though words could sound so demanding, so possessive, or just plain factual.

but in that tone of voice, so close to stahn's lips to the point that he can feel leon's breath as he speaks... well, it definitely gets stahn's heart racing. he can feel a warmth deepening in his face, and within seconds, he's closing the gap to kiss leon. but unlike his normal, more gentle kisses, this one has a bit of fire, lightly baring teeth and tugging at leon's lower lip a bit. it's still brief.]

...I'm not going to share you, either. [it's petty and selfish, and something he's aware isn't really going to be a serious issue, but he wants it to be known. stahn doesn't take offense to the girls that flirt with him for his charming looks (even if his personality tends to betray that), but he still wants it to be known. when it comes to matters like this, he wants to be the only one who lies with leon, the only one who tastes his lips, the only one who gets to bury their face in his hair and breathe in the clean and almost floral fragrance that's so uniquely leon.]

[That sure became Something really fast. Leon's breath catches in his throat at that kiss, at the promise of fire and warmth and passion it holds, even with as brief as it was--and he has to clear his throat gently to be able to respond, because he suddenly felt just a little bit at a loss for words.

It seems that no matter how often they get this far, it's still enough to render Leon pretty close to speechless, though he's gotten better.

He's not pushing Stahn away anymore, after all.

Instead, he tilts his head to inspect Stahn's face properly, and honestly? He's satisfied with what he sees. It's silly, really. There are a lot of things that can embarrass Leon, especially coming from Stahn, but this? This is just...well, it's somehow very endearing.

Perhaps it's because Leon knows how gentle Stahn always is, despite the underlying fire that he knows is there.]

This sort of expression suits you. [That's what he finally says, reaching a hand up to run a thumb along Stahn's jaw until he can tilt it so he can meet Stahn's eyes better. He doesn't really intend for the gesture to be provocative, but...well, he is slowly running his fingers along Stahn's jaw, so it's probably more so than he'd even think.]

I'd wondered if you had it in you.

[That sort of possessiveness, he means... Leon knows that he himself does, because he knows that he himself is not a very pure or good person, but coming from Stahn... it's a little surprising, but not in a bad way.]

[stahn smirks a little in response to that, because in a way... it is almost laughable that leon would even have to wonder that.

he closes the gap again to press another rough kiss hard against leon's mouth, a hand dragging up to clasp at the side of his neck. when he breaks the kiss, his mouth is still dangerously close to leon's, enough to practically breathe against his mouth as he husks out the words.]

I'm still a guy, you know... [stahn knows that he's nice, and he tries his best not to be selfish and demanding. he tries to be considerate and respect leon's boundaries, and he's a bit pure in that there's still a lot about the world he feels he has to learn.

but he's a nineteen year old boy.

he has wants and needs and desires; he's attracted to leon in every sense of the word. he doesn't want to share leon or give him up—and he wants leon to know that he has no intention of letting that happen, either. he wants to be the only one who gets to kiss leon, to send chills down his spine, to try and find all the places that will make him squirm in the best of ways. stahn is just as possessive in this case, even if he tends to be better at restraining himself.]

[The kiss is forceful, and certain, and Leon likes it--he likes it when Stahn is determined and sure of what he wants, and so willing to be rough like this. It isn't that he doesn't like the care and caution and loving gestures that Stahn is also capable, of course; he loves those just as much, but in a different way. Those are deliberate and caring and sweet, but this is what happens when they strip away a lot of their thoughts and hesitations and worries and just do.

And it's honestly always good.

Leon's breathing is a little ragged already when Stahn breathes those words against his lips; he tries to make an affirming, understanding noise, but it's a bit closer to a slight groan, because there's nothing unenjoyable about this situation.

Stahn so certain that he can claim Leon like this, well... they've come a long way, in that Leon thinks that Stahn can too. Not that he intends to make it easy at all, of course, because he's Leon--instead, he leans in to close the gap again, forcefully shoving their lips together again and lingering there this time, fingers burying themselves into Stahn's hair to keep him in place.

He'll only speak when he finally breaks away to breathe, still remaining close nonetheless, eyes locked onto Stahn's.]

You don't always have to hold back. [Not with him--not now. Not now that they are what they are. He might have to hold back on discussing marriage, yes, because Leon's not able to cope with that, but physical expressions of their love like this? He knows how to handle those now.]

Mm... [it's a quiet grunt of affirmation, followed by a much briefer kiss to the corner of leon's mouth before he speaks again.]

...Then I won't. [there's something almost carnal about the way he says it, and he'll barely give leon any time to react before he makes his next move.

it's fiery, sloppy crash of his lips against leon's, baring teeth and heavy breaths.

but that's not where it stops.

his hands slide to leon's waist to pull him closer, all the same making the motions to fall backwards on the bed properly; he's horizontal and keeping leon on top of him while doing his best to not break the intensity of his kisses. if leon tells him to let go, if leon tells him not to hold back, this is the sort of position they end up in.

and it doesn't take long for his hands to wander either, feeling leon's form, seeking out skin—anything he can get without pushing the limit too far.]

[Leon did ask for this, after all, and every part of it works together to be...something Leon likes. There are so many ways Stahn could've done this that would have put Leon on edge--if Stahn had fallen on top of him, for instance, instead of falling beneath him. There's no reason for Leon to tense up here.

Instead, he has a prime view of Stahn beneath him, before their lips are locked again, and then there's nothing else to see.

Not that he really needs to.

No, he doesn't need to see anything at all, not when Stahn's fingers are trailing along his skin, Leon's shirt hitched up a bit to allow Stahn's searching fingers to find that skin. It makes him shudder, those featherlight touches almost overly sensitive, when it's something he's honestly been waiting for and yet could never really be prepared for.

Leon's not going to be telling him to hold back.

Leon's not going to be saying much of anything, really, because Leon is Occupied.

His fingers bury themselves in Stahn's hair, but his free hand drifts down to Stahn's side, fingers grasping at his side, reaching for skin as well, though he can't find it yet, not with how Stahn's shirt is. He's still trying, but he's also otherwise occupied.

With the kiss.

He returns it with equal fire, equal enthusiasm, and even more intensity, taking his advantage in being on top of Stahn to lean over him, bangs framing Stahn's face as he does.]

[the fact that leon doesn't hesitate at all feels like a welcoming invitation. the way he kisses back, the way he shudders at stahn's touch but continues, the way his own hands seem to be searching for skin—for the first time, it really feels like they're in a position they're both ready to be in.

stahn's held back for a while, he's waited for leon to give him the okay to go. and even though stahn is still clumsy in his motions—\from the excitement, the passion and the inexperience—he doesn't seem to stop. his lips are slotted against leon's enough, sometimes pulling back to suck on leon's lip, sometimes to sloppily kiss his jaw when he's pulling back just enough to breathe.

all the while, his hands are finding their way beneath leon's shirt, feeling the increasing warmth to his skin. he seeks out whatever he can reach—back, chest, torso—and trying to commit the feeling of leon's body to his memory. he's waited so long, he's wanted to badly to just have every part of leon and his body to himself. he's not going to give it up, not even as his body shifts.

stahn's back arches a little and he slides downward just a bit to loosen his shirt from where it's tucked, giving leon an opportunity to do the same and seek out skin. his leg slides up a bit between leon's leg's, seeking a more suitable position, since it's clear that neither of them plans to stop what they're doing quite yet.

from his throat escapes a groan, one that is pleased, that is excited, that is soaking in every last moment of what is happening.]

[It figures that he needs Stahn to help him with his stupid shirt.

Leon has enough brainpower to spare an irritated thought for that, frowning slightly to himself, but then Stahn's lips are on his again and he doesn't really have any time to frown at all.

Not that he's complaining.

Instead he follows what little instinct he has in this area, shifting to press flush against Stahn's chest, moving with Stahn's movements. All he knows is that he doesn't want to be far away, so if Stahn's going to shift and move, sliding his leg between Leon's, Leon won't hesitate to allow it.

On the other hand, as much as he doesn't mind Stahn taking charge (it's a personality trait that he honestly doesn't mind at all coming from Stahn), he's not exactly happy settling back and letting it happen. Granted, he has no idea what he's doing, but he doesn't care about that, either; all that matters is that he can press forward, tongue tasting at Stahn's lips, even as his fingers slide beneath Stahn's shirt to run along his spine.

Everything is suddenly happening just a little too quickly, but Leon's more than happy to be part of the experience--he has no intentions of just being along for the ride, because he wants to lay his claim to Stahn just as much as the reverse. And if he can pull Stahn's shirt up further in the process, well, that's hardly something to complain about. (Abs)]

[it's more fair this way, a mutual expression of their feelings—but it's definitely a lot and very quickly. stahn's mind hasn't caught up to what his body is doing, and while that's fine for now, it does mean he'll fumble in his motions a little, clumsy in the way he shifts.

some of those motions are a bit jerky—the sudden way in which he arches his back when he feels leon's fingers trailing his spine. he can't help the way he suddenly breaks the kiss to shudder an aroused breath and swallow thickly, or how his head turns just a bit before pushes himself to to angle kisses down leon's jawline until he's close enough to get another taste of leon's lips.

neither of them has much of a clue, and stahn's mind is clouded by desire and impulse. he isn't thinking of much at all right now; not a single thought seems to be conscious beyond the feeling of enjoying what's happening. the kisses are heated and almost desperate—it's impossible to deny that all the holding back that stahn has done for leon's sake is practically seeping out of him bit-by-bit, unable to be contained.

his hands memorize the contours of leon's body, seeking to never forget any scars or raised marks, any birthmarks, anything that isn't just the smoothness of his skin. his hands move up until the tips of his fingers can trace the protrusion of his collarbone, then slowly drag down until they can just barely tease and working their way under leon's beltline.

there's no thought, just wants. wants and more wants, and until either leon stops him or his own inability to quickly decide what comes next gets to him, stahn doesn't plan on giving it up. right now, he wants all of leon for himself.]

[Some of these movements and actions are entirely new for them.

Not for a lack of trying, admittedly, but there's aways something, it felt like. Always something that interrupted, always something that got in the way, and they never quite got this far. So it truly is A Lot; Stahn's fingers slide under his beltline and Leon makes a choked off noise, one that's both startled and pleased in equal measure. Touch like this... it's new to the both of them in so many ways, but his brain hasn't caught up enough to realize that it might be a little too much, and so Leon's main focus really is on just getting more of it.

So his fingers trail from Stahn's back to his front (abs), exploring as well, getting to really touch and examine and learn Stahn's body for the first time, and he enjoys it. It's something that feels very right, even if his movements are equally unpolished and occasionally fumbling--there's at least no hesitation whatsoever, despite their general newness. Shifting with Stahn's movements means he ends up pressed against the leg between his legs, and his breath catches a little at that as well, caught off guard as he is.

But the desperation in the kisses is impossible to miss, but it's also impossible to not reciprocate. Everything about this situation is overwhelming in the best of ways, so he keeps one hand buried in Stahn's hair, perhaps an eternal fascination while also a way to keep his head in place, even as he matches Stahn kiss for messy and intense kiss.

At some point, maybe, their brains will catch up with them, but it sure hasn't happened yet.]

[the fact that they're both so unpolished in their actions, that there's a bit of fumbling as they try to feel things out makes stahn a bit more at ease with it—like a somewhat subconscious confirmation that leon wants this as much as he does, but also that they're still treading new and unfamiliar territory.

he moves into leon's touches with every movement, each kiss more desperate and fervent than the last. he can't stop, because he thinks that if he stops, something will interrupt them and this will all be put on the backburner once more.

he doesn't want that, not now. not when he wants this. not when leon wants it. not when he can feel the warmth of leon's skin against his, feeling and memorizing just as he'd been doing. and for stahn, with his fingers below leon's beltline, he's feeling hipbones, letting his palms rest right on the protrusion and letting the very tips of his fingers graze the completely unfamiliar territory. stahn won't go further than that just yet.

but through his kisses, in muted, hushed and breathy tones, he asks a question.]

Are... you...

Still okay...?

[stahn's definitely breathless and completely engrossed in leon's body and every last kiss, but he still can't help but to ask. he doesn't know how far this is or isn't going to go, but even in this hazy state, he can't ignore that he may push leon too far if he only acts on his carnal desires.]

[He's really not.

Okay, that is--he's overwhelmed in the best of ways. He feels like he's both light-headed and can't gasp in enough air no matter how ragged his breathing gets. He feels like he might not be able to ever learn to breathe properly again, not when Stahn's fingertips trail along his hipbones and the tender skin beneath, and he shudders despite himself, giving up on tracing Stahn's skin himself in favor of grasping almost helplessly at Stahn's hair, his shirt, his skin, possibly leaving light scratches in his almost desperation.

He's not okay, because this is so much more than anything he could have ever thought it would be. Even knowing what was coming in those evenings of grasping at clothing and deep, thorough kisses, even knowing the concept behind what they're technically working towards--

His mind is blank now, almost blissfully so, because it's still so much more.

His breath shudders, even as he opens his mouth to try to respond. But Stahn's fingers still graze beneath his beltline, and every single kiss leaves Leon even more breathless and headily swamped by what he wants, so Stahn's going to need a moment if he wants an actual response out of Leon that isn't just unsteady breathing and fingers tight in his shirt and hair.]

[he's not sure he's ever felt this kind of reaction from leon, either. the way his hair gets tugged at the scalp with desperate force, the way he can actually feel nails scratching him, though hardly enough to break the skin.

but it's so passionate and forceful and tears down every remaining wall that remains. or at least, it comes close to that.

but stahn knows there's still one more barrier that needs to be crossed, and as much as they're in the heat of the moment, he won't do anything else until leon actually consents to it. he doesn't want to push him beyond his limits, especially not when... well, honestly? he has no idea what he's going to do. but his fingers are still teasing, playing lightly at those sensitive patches of skin below the belt, and his kisses are relentless. they're warm but fiery, never stopping for any longer than enough for leon to try and squeeze out a few words when he's ready to.

stahn's body is ready to keep going further, something that leon can undoubtedly feel just from the way he's positioned on top of him; his mind is fogged by thoughts of nothing but leon all the same. they certainly go hand-in-hand, because what stahn wants is leon. he knows... he knows that regardless of how they classify themselves, they're in love. he knows that he has leon's heart.

but right now, he wants the rest of leon too.]

[Leon could probably quite happily just go with this, not speak any words and roll with whatever it is Stahn wants. Wherever Stahn takes this. For all of Leon's tendencies to be demanding and want to be in charge as well, sometimes he's finding that it's easier for him to just...allow Stahn to do what he wants most.

But naturally, Stahn won't allow that.

Leon's breath catches with every movement of Stahn's fingers, which is making it really hard to respond still, but he's not oblivious to the fact that they've stalled. The kisses are fantastic still, and Stahn's fingers are a distraction that can't be stopped, but...

Stahn's waiting for his answer, isn't he?

So after a moment, Leon rallies himself and musters all of his willpower, pulling away just far enough to make it clear that he's not going to be kissing Stahn back for a moment, though his fingers remain buried in Stahn's hair. His other hand frees itself from Stahn's poor, wrinkled shirt to almost shockingly gently cup his cheek, running a finger along the arch of his cheekbone almost wonderingly.

Even now... even when they're this far, even when it's clear exactly what Stahn wants--even now, he asks, and even now he waits for Leon to guarantee that he's fine. It's incredible.

And it's why Stahn has Leon's heart so thoroughly.]

Yes. I'm fine. [His breathing is still ragged enough that the words are hoarse, but Leon doesn't seem regretful or embarrassed in the least; he shifts a little, arching his back and hips just enough to almost encourage Stahn, trying to get a bit more of that touch.]

I told you--you don't have to hold back all the time. [He leans forward then, pressing their lips together slowly and thoroughly.

He wants this too.]

[there's a truth to the fact that stahn isn't really prepared for the route leon chooses to take with this. despite their labored breathing and how they intermingle, despite the way his heart races and the way the blood is flowing so far from his brain to just about everywhere else to the point where it's almost dizzying...

he still couldn't be prepared for it.

the moments had all been one of heated passion, where his hot-blooded nature and natural fires had managed to pull leon in.

but then here leon is, cupping his cheek so gently, seeming so thoughtful and warm and kind as a finger grazes his cheek that it leaves stahn utterly speechless. there weren't many words to begin with, but rather than heated passion, his heart almost feels like it could burst from his chest with how much love seems to go into the gesture. his words, and the kiss that follows... they take a slightly different tone that resonates deeply with stahn.

it's exciting. he wants more.

it seems to fit them well enough, maybe a little better than sloppily trying to get through things. and maybe that's why stahn is content to let this kiss linger a bit longer before he murmurs against leon's lips.]

I just wanted to make sure... Before we went any further. [his words are strangely considerate despite the aroused haze that surrounds stahn, though maybe that in itself is telling of just how deeply he considers leon's needs.] I'm not holding back. I won't, if you don't want me to.

[but stahn will follow that up with another kiss, warm and deep, and a lot less frantic than the other kisses. it doesn't mean he's stopping, or that they won't try to pursue this as far as they can...

but it means there's just a little more of stahn at the helm rather than just stahn's raging hormones desperately seeking out leon's body.

....even though wanting every last inch of it can't be stopped at this point.]

[The tone shifts, but Leon finds he can't be regretful by how it does. It's warm, and so very sweet, and Leon leans into Stahn's kiss with an equally warm and loving response. These kisses are deep, and they linger, and there's just as much intent and want in them as there is warmth and caring, and this suits them both just fine, he thinks. It also gives him time to get control of himself just a bit more, as opposed to before when they were reacting almost entirely on desire and instinct.

Now, the movements Leon makes are completely deliberate.

He shifts his hand from Stahn's cheek down to cup the side of his neck, and with his other hand in Stahn's hair, he's able to hold his head in place gently as he returns the kiss and then starts another, all with the same tone as before.

The shift in atmosphere is so pronounced, but... it almost settles Leon even more. Even as his brain catches up with him, even as he properly realizes what it is they're trying to do, he realizes that he doesn't care. This is what he wants, and the way that Stahn so lovingly looks out for him and his needs only confirms it.

What else could he possibly need?

So he doesn't hesitate, and he doesn't shrink back, and he doesn't freeze up; instead, Leon slides his hand down Stahn's neck, fingers sliding beneath his ~~turtleneck~~ collar and along his collarbone, as much as he can with the shirt in his way, even as he pulls away from the kisses just long enough to breathe a respond. ]

This is what I want you to do.

[Exactly what Stahn's doing--that's what he wants. That's what he wants for sure, and now he knows it 100%]

Then... I'll keep going.

[it serves as a quiet confirmation, an acknowledgment of what they're moving forward towards doing. every kiss, every touch now feels so deliberate and so warm; there's not just desire held in their touches, but also love...

though neither of them moves to say it. somewhere on his tongue, that word does linger somewhere, but never dares to be spoken. it's a bit tough to hold it back when leon is so gentle, when he touches stahn's skin softly enough to send shivers straight up and down his spine, and when he doesn't have even the slightest bit of hesitation.

stahn wants to embrace that, because it's taken them so long to get to the point where they can be this comfortable with one another. so as he shifts to raise his head a bit and give leon another deep, warm kiss, his hands edge away from the beltline and back under leon's shirt and up his back. it's only a temporary motion, one to aid in shifting the mood—and maybe to buy himself another couple of moments of time to figure out what and how to approach this.

maybe now stahn is being a little more cautious, a little more gentle—not out of real hesitation or concern for pushing his limits, but because he wants it to be a good experience.

even though their pauses have given him enough time to realize he doesn't really know what he's doing. he pushes his leg up slightly between leon's legs, grazing against him lightly and making and attempt to shift them into a position where they won't be stuck in just awkward touching beneath clothes—and that's why as he does so, he tugs upwards a little at leon's shirt.

—undressing, that should come first right? at least partially so, he thinks.]

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