realpolitik | Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron

I know.

[stahn let his curiosity get the better of him and as a result, he went far enough to make leon uncomfortable. this isn't what stahn wants at all, especially when he tries so hard to respect leon's limits.

he didn't realize it was something that would bother leon so much.

so just as quietly—maybe even more so, he'll repeat the same.]

Sorry, Leon.

[... It's really nothing Stahn has to look so upset over, Leon thinks--even if he, too, was getting a little upset over it. It seems that some things are still the same, despite the leaps and bounds Leon has taken in getting better at communicating.

So he just shakes his head, simply.]

... Regardless. I didn't intend to interrupt your reading.

[He's offering...an olive branch of sorts here.]

[it's an olive branch he'll gladly take, since it's not like there's a single situation in which stahn can ever be happy when things get that way.

he doesn't like being the one to upset leon, especially not because he was being selfish and inconsiderate. but leon's words do well enough to convey that he's not holding a grudge, and that the apology was either needless or accepted.]

It's not an interruption. [he'll say after a moment, and with it comes a softer, more subdued smile.] I might have fallen asleep if I read for too much longer anyway.

[it was a long day; he probably could easily take a nap, though it's definitely too late for that.]

...I like this better, anyway. [he can be the one to say embarrassing things like that. but it's true; he'd much rather spend his time with leon when they both have that chance. the book can wait. the book can always wait, because leon is more important.]

[He is definitely the one to say embarrassing things, as ever--but it's a little settling even so, even if Leon's embarrassed to hear it. It's nice to hear that Stahn prefers this, even with their momentary tenseness.

Stahn is still happy with this even so.

So Leon just relaxes the remainder of the way, allowing the rest of the tension to fade away. This is....fine, as ever.

They're always fine.]

Mm. I have no complaints.

["I like this better too."]

[it's good. seeing the tension fade a bit means stahn can relax more too. really .... that's what he wants most.

after long days for both of them, this is what stahn's come to look forward to. his evening with leon, where they can just rest together peacefully and talk for a while. or even just sit in silence together and take in the warmth.]

I know you'd say if you did. [leon's not one to hold back his problems with stuff like that, after all.

but it's fine. he scoots back closer to leon, this time leaning into him a bit more than before. when he tilts his head to the side, it's close enough to rest it against leon's shoulder, thanks to the way he's positioned on the bed.

it's fine.

this is fine, if they can be close like this a while longer. the tension and guilt from stirring the pot while dissipate for him soon enough this way.]

[He certainly would--but Leon's complaints come fewer and fewer these days, as he becomes comfortable and open to more and more. It's an interesting change, but one that he hasn't entirely noticed himself.

Just as he won't entirely complain about Stahn's head against his shoulder, though he's still a little startled by it; aside from his breathing growing momentarily a little more shallow, he doesn't move or tense up, and after a moment his breathing settles again too.

Slowly but surely, he improves.

And slowly but surely, it becomes comfortable enough for Leon to just settle there, pressed against Stahn, in silence.]

Edited 2016-04-19 17:12 (UTC)

[it's comfortable like this. it's surprisingly comfortable, really... especially because there was once a time when they couldn't do this so easily.]

How was your mission today? [it was only a matter of time before stahn broke the silence, and naturally... it's to see how leon's day was. it seems like it couldn't have been too bad, given his mood, but stahn like to ask anyway. he likes to be involved and engaged and know what's going on with leon's work.

he's interested in what leon has to say about it, but it's also his inherent interest with the seinegald military that hasn't faded that drives it. he's curious all the time about so many things...]

[Incredibly comfortable... Leon's honestly pretty content with this, and it shows in how his head slowly sinks to rest against Stahn's as well as he speaks.

Mm...]

Satisfactory.

[Which means that he was able to complete it all well without any major flaws, because Leon--but he's also a perfectionist, so he can't say it went perfectly when it didn't.]

Granted, it was not a particularly complex mission.

[Not that many are, compared to their world saving quests.]

That's good... I'm glad.

[naturally, stahn always prefers the days he comes home and things go smoothly. he has a lot of faith in leon's capabilities, so it's not exactly like he has to worry about things going that poorly on his end. usually, when he's in a foul mood, it's because of something well beyond his control.]

Do you have any long missions coming up soon? [stahn always likes to know about those especially, given that it's usually the longest periods of time they don't get to see one another. as stahn says it, though, he reaches for leon's hand gently, taking it into his and lacing their fingers together.

...okay, maybe he's a little starved for affection after a long day, but this is fine, right?]

[It's... incredibly affectionate and sweet, but Leon's hardly going to fight it. Instead, he just allows Stahn to do so, and while he doesn't make any moves to be any further affectionate, he doesn't exactly pull away or tense up either. No, he's perfectly content like this, with Stahn holding his hand.

It works out this way, for the both of them.]

Not for some time.

[Naturally it won't last forever, but for now...]

It would appear I am more needed close by than on longer travels, for now.

[For now, that's fine by Leon. There's something really pleasant about being able to return to Stahn like this.]

[there's really no complaints to be had about any of this—not in the answer to his question, nor in the fact that leon doesn't seem to be refusing his affections at all.

and that's good. he doesn't need much else from this right now—it's warm and comfortable with leon so close to him. they've finally settled a bit, and he's perfectly fine in just remaining in this position for a while linger.]

Mm... it doesn't sound too bad. I thought you'd have a lot more of them, but I guess there's still a lot to do around Darilsheid too. [sometimes it's easy to forget a mess everything's been in; even if stahn is doing his part too in his own way—it has to be a lot for the knights to deal with, he's sure.

but it means not having to be apart from leon for long, and he can't complain about that, even if he's completely understanding of circumstance.]

[It is the most pleasantly domestic evening ever, they're so painfully married right now.]

I am certain it is only a matter of time before I am sent on longer missions again.

[He'll be frankly honest about that, at least... it's true, after all.]

For now, however, the focus is unsurprisingly on Darilsheid.

[It's the most important in the king's view, whether that's valid or not. Still, Leon figures that if they all work hard and keep working hard, eventually they'll have cleaned up everything.]

[so painfully married while in a room alone, where nobody can see just how comfortable and domestic they really are with one another. it's a strange little treasure, an obvious secret they keep for the two of them.]

I know... that's your job, after all. [it's not like stahn would ever be mad about it, or insinuate that it's a problem. they wouldn't have met at all if leon hadn't been sent on the mission to harmentz back then, so it's not like there's really anything bad about it.

sure, stahn will miss him, but it'll make his return that much better when those times come.]

It might be pretty weird to get used to at first... but you're doing a lot of good things for Seinegald this way. [and that makes him proud. he'll deal with the days or weeks of loneliness or...]

Maybe when you have a long mission like that, I can go visit the others. [whether it's just seeing rutee in cresta, or taking the boat to noischtat to see kongman—at least then he wouldn't have to be alone.]

[Though the staff is probably painfully aware of it anyway........... nonetheless, it makes Leon feel better to act like nobody else knows.

But honestly, Stahn is so understanding and forgiving all the time... Leon's never entirely sure how to handle it. He blinks in response to that quietly, before nodding simply. It's true that his work is important, and that he'll continue to do it no matter what. His rank and reputation as a knight are very important to him.

But still...]

... That is...

[He could go visit Rutee or Kongman, and yet... Leon hesitates for a moment, before he shakes his head gently.]

... Rather--I have a request to make of you.

[obviously, stahn isn't really expecting any sort of protest from him over this. not that it even totally sounds like a protest—no in the way leon says it, at least.]

A request? For me...? [he sounds so puzzled simply because he has no idea what leon could possibly ask of him at a time like this.]

[He knows it's not fair at all. Stahn's the sort who gets lonely when he's alone, so of course it's naturally he'd go visit the others.

But...

While things are still so damaged, and messed up, and up in the air...and while everything that happened with Hugo and Marian is still so close, Leon can't help but be selfish.]

That...is correct.

[He'll straighten to at least look Stahn in the eye for this.]

While I am away on longer missions, I would request...that I be able to leave things here to you--including Marian's safety.

Ah...

[it's the sort of request that takes stahn by surprise only in that he didn't expect it—and maybe partially because he didn't necessarily believe that despite all that happened, leon would entrust him with something so important.

he's sure that marian is safe here now; the threats that had befallen them are undoubtedly eradicated now. but he doesn't blame leon for worrying, not when things had been so dire for so long.

in a way, it's disappointing, because he does want to travel. he wants to visit their friends and make the most of his time when leon isn't there. and he gets lonely without constant companionship. but that would be selfish of him, would it? to say no just because he wants to do things for himself—and to leave leon in a state of worry over someone who is definitely the most important person in his life (stahn knows this, he knows that nobody could be more important to him than marian, after all). so even if there's a brief shift in expressions... a little bit of disappointment and sadness of his idea being shot down so quickly, he'll still give his head an affirmative nod. he'll still see a smile make it's way to his lips.]

Mm. [he gives leon's hand a light squeeze.] If that'll make you feel better while you're away, if it'll help you focus on your missions... then I'll stay.

[he doesn't want leon to worry. he doesn't want leon to lose focus. and then... if something bad does happen, stahn can do his best to keep marian safe. he owes leon at least this much, doesn't he?]

[Leon knows that what he's asking is entirely selfish. Stahn gets lonely easily, and of course he'd want to go visit his friends while Leon's gone and away. He can see it in how Stahn's expression grows more disappointed, and how there are traces of that sadness.

But... he's scared.

He's scared that something will happen to Marian while he's gone. That someone will take her again, like before, that what happened before will happen again. It's utterly illogical, but--]

...For as long as the situation is still so confused... that is what I would request, yes. [Maybe when things are fixed up, and more normal...maybe then, he won't be so frightened of the idea.]

As for the rest--I suppose between missions there would be time to visit the others. [It's not fair to remove that from Stahn entirely, so... maybe they can do that together...?]

I understand.

[and that's the thing—stahn really does understand. he gets the reason why leon says what he does, and why he feels the need to make that request. so even if there are things about it hat he really doesn't like... he could never dream of refusing it.

leon's selfishness—it's something stahn doesn't mind, because he so rarely is that way.]

A lot happened, and it'll be a while before everything goes back to normal. It's okay... I understand. [he feels the need to repeat that again.

he smiles a little brighter, nodding his head.]

When there's time... we should go to Cresta and see Rutee. [together. stahn would like to do these things with leon more than going alone anyway, but he would go on his own just to pass that time.

this seems like a fair compromise, especially if they go to cresta first. it's not that far out from darilsheid, and seeing rutee... that's important for them both, isn't it? she's a precious friend for him, and leon's sister. they really need to do that soon anyway, just to see how things are going for her.

though they can mail letters to the rest for status updates, it's almost easier to visit rutee and philia on foot when they can; it's quicker correspondence anyway.

regardless, they'll make it work, and stahn wants leon to know that it's another compromise he's willing to make for their sake.]

[Stahn's so painfully understanding, and for a long moment, Leon can only search his face with narrowed eyes, trying to find the catch, or the things Stahn was hiding. He had to be upset, right? He had to be unhappy with it.

But... he can't see anything at all. Instead, he just sees Stahn being Stahn, gentle and warm and happy to do things for Leon, and he doesn't understand it at all, and he's not sure he deserves that much of Stahn's giving nature and warmth but... it means the world to him.

It means so much more than Leon could ever say.

Quietly, he stares at Stahn for another long moment, as if trying to process this--and then he sighs softly. There's a lot he can't say here, even with how much he's improved. How grateful he is to Stahn for this, how much it means to him, how important it is that Stahn and Marian both stay safe.

He doesn't know how to say any of that, so instead, he just nods simply.]

Yes.

[When there's time, they'll go to Cresta and see Rutee. That's something that Leon can agree to all too easily.

But that's not a thanks, which is why a moment later, he's leaning forward (it's so easy, when they're already this close together), and pressing his lips to Stahn's, emphatic but surprisingly gently for him. There's no fierceness there, not really. He's just...grateful, and he wants Stahn to know it.]

[well, it's not as if stahn could ever have any complaints about that sort of thank you.

it's soft and gentle, and it does well to convey the things leon feels without any words. he didn't need the words anyway, but it always means so much more to him when it's like this. the kiss is gentle and warm, and it speaks volumes about the sort of person leon is underneath that hardened exterior.

this is one of things he likes most in leon.

and it's one of the things stahn is actually selfish about, because it's something about leon that isn't to be shared with anyone else. this... this sort of thing is for him and him alone—and he knows it.]

It's important to you. ["so you don't have to thank me for it," he says softly, following it up with another gentle kiss before pulling back.] I'll make sure nothing happens to Marian... whether you're gone for a day or a month.

[or a year. whatever he needs.]

[It is important to him, and he knows that Stahn understands--both why he's asking, and both what he meant with that kiss. Stahn always understands him these days. And it's..fine, then, isn't it?

Quietly, Leon relaxes again, nodding simply.]

I know. [He knows that Stahn won't let him down.] I trust you with this.

[With his most important person, Stahn aside--he trusts him.]

...I won't let you down.

[it's something he feels he has to say aloud. even if leon is already thinking it, he still wants to say it.

after what happened with hugo back then, with everything that had started the spiral that changed their lives and landed them where they are now... he has to say it. because even if leon has forgiven him, even if he's put that in the past, it's not something stahn could ever forget.

he had failed leon then, he had broken a promise to not let anything happen to him, that he'd be there. and that still weighs on him heavily because of how badly leon had gotten hurt because he wasn't there to stand and fight with him. so it's something stahn says softly, but yet still with conviction.

he won't let leon down, not ever again.]

[For Leon's part, well... he knows what Stahn's talking about. How could he not? He knows what's on Stahn's mind when he swears something that solemnly, and it takes him back. He can remember the feel and the daunted feeling when Stahn hadn't been there for him.

But.

He's been there for him since. There hasn't been a single time since that Stahn's let him down, which is why Leon just sighs quietly, shifting to rest more quietly against him, and quietly nods.]

Very well then.

I would not have asked if I did not believe I could trust you.

[That much...is absolutely true. He trusts Stahn not only with his own life and well-being now, but also Marian's. Because...it's Stahn. Who else would he ever possibly trust?]

[that trust is something important to stahn—perhaps just as important to him as it is to leon. because stahn knows that the life he lead before made it hard for leon to trust others.

and he knows that by betraying leon's trust once and breaking his promise, he could have easily been cast away as someone not worthy of those feelings. but still, leon places that trust in him without hesitation, and goes as far to assure him of that much in his own way. to stahn, that's quite possibly one of the warmest sentiments he could have imagined coming from leon.

to have that trust...

it means a lot to him.]

Thank you. [for always trusting him, even when it comes to things like this, and especially after all that's happened. for stahn, the feeling of having that from leon means a hell of a lot more to him than being able to travel alone while leon is on missions. this... this is much more important, in every way imaginable.]

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