you can't spell "alone" without "leon" (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
discard) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
realpolitik2015-10-16 11:13 am
discard) wrote in realpolitik2015-10-16 11:13 am
Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron | 071
[this is a catch-all for boyfriends
here's a list
- ice cream ✓
- seasickness
- stahn sacrifice ✓
- reunion: judas ✓
- taming stahn's hair ✓
- piggyback rides ✓
- just imagine
- family dinner
- why is there pow hammer
- possessive leon
- apologies
- post-barbatos afterlife meeting
- AND MORE]
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You can have all of my attention today. [regardless of whether or not they go out. at least, that's the way stahn would attempt it. he can shrug off small things, but it's true that he can get distracted by others just thanks to the nature of his personality. he can't really even try to argue that they'd go any other way.]
We can just stay here at home if that's what you want. [stahn shifts slightly, so that he can rest his hands on the small of leon's back. he smiles sweetly, leaning up to steal another chaste kiss. it may fluster leon, but he also wants leon to know that he's dedicated to making this day relaxing for leon and also staying very close. personal space... what is that today? we just don't know.]
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... Then that is what we'll do.
[They'll stay home. They'll have Marian's tea. He'll have all of Stahn's attention and Stahn will probably burry him in affection and...there's absolutely nothing wrong with this at all.
Leon settles himself on top of Stahn more comfortably, inspecting Stahn's face thoughtfully. This isn't a bad view at all, really. And after the night before, it feels as though a lot of those barriers with physical affection have been knocked down--at least in this bubble of safety in their bedroom.]
I would be satisfied with that.
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even within the manor, it feels rare to get anything but an unacknowledged grasp of the hand—and that's around people who are all fully aware of the circumstances (considering if anyone hadn't figured it out before, when stahn started sleeping in leon's room every night was a pretty clear indicator). stahn doesn't need it, and he doesn't expect it. he's perfectly content with stolen kisses when nobody is looking and doubling up on those affections once they're alone.]
Me too. [just to confirm that there's no complaints at all. there's nothing that even hints at disappointment or wanting to go anywhere.
stahn really is content to stay home.]
I think I'd be fine with just staying like this all day, if we could. [he'd be fine not even leaving the room if he had a say.]
But I'm sure Marian probably prepared something for you too. [she usually does when he returns from long missions, and he doesn't doubt that she probably picked up quickly on things based on how he entered the home.]
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Maybe it's the contentment that mirrors Leon's own.
Either way, he likes what he sees, which is why almost before Stahn's even finished speaking, Leon leans forward, pressing their lips together firmly, lingering there certainly.
He likes it.
He likes what they have, he likes what they are, he likes this, and there's something less chaste about the kiss, though it's neither desperate nor intense like the night before. No, it's...simply a thorough enjoyment of the way that their lips slot together perfectly, and the taste of Stahn and the knowledge that Stahn just wants him to be happy, and he is happy.]
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though there's little doubt that he enjoys the gentle, chaste kisses they often share, and the excitement of the sort of kisses they had the night before amaze him, these are the best ones for stahn. they're warm and passionate, full of love and understanding. there's almost a silent language they speak with their lips, where stahn can understand everything that leon wants, needs and feels just from the way their lips touch.
there's really nothing else in the world quite like it to him.
stahn's eyes flutter shut, not being quick to let the kiss break. his hands slide a little further up leon's back, not quite exploring but just feeling leon there. it's all so right in ways that stahn never knew were possible. he's happy, and leon is happy.
there was once a time when he wondered if anything could actually make leon happy; his sour attitude had caused friction often early in their journey. but now he gets to see leon being happy, and he has the knowledge that he is the reason for it (at least partially), and that in itself makes him never want to let go.]
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The kiss can't go on forever, of course, no matter how good it is; eventually, Leon breaks away, breathing in a slow, somewhat shaky breath.
But he's satisfied with that, because he knows that Stahn understood him, even if Leon wasn't entirely sure himself what the message was. That he's happy, that he's comfortable, that he couldn't ask for more than this and so much more--well, it's enough.
And then he sits up (still straddling Stahn's waist, but he's not thinking too hard about that), stretching slowly and sleepily with one arm over his head, the other gripping his elbow. Now it's properly morning.]
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it's a little more challenging for stahn. being the one laying flat on the bed while leon innocently straddles him does push a passing thought through his mind. he's sitting that way, stretching, and it's easy for stahn to just watch as he does this. looking at the lines of his slender, petite body, his flexibility—
stahn catches himself though, and coughs pretty abruptly, gaze averting and his cheeks flushing slightly. this may have been innocuous on a normal day, but after the previous night and the way things had been going, some part of his brain is still a bit worked up over it.
life is hard when you're attracted to your boyfriend who happens to be innocently straddling you.]
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Stahn coughing and looking away.
Leon blinks, though he's going to wait until he's stretched the other arm first (sorry, Stahn, he's precise like that) before he finally settles back into a proper sitting position (still...innocently straddling him yeah) and arch an eyerbow.
Stahn looks flushed......... he's not getting sick, is he? He did cough--]
Stahn?
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[for some reason, leon calling his attention like that so suddenly is a bit startling, which in turn embarrasses stahn just a little more. the roles are a little reversed from the normal, considering stahn isn't the one who usually gets so flustered by things.
but with leon still in that position and looking at him in a way that is so innocent and unaware of any implications from their positioning, it has that effect on stahn. it's not like there's anything wrong with it, of course—but it does lead his mind to wander in the way a teenage boy's very easily could.]
What is it? [he manages to say it without sputtering, but he's obviously still embarrassed, as he doesn't meet leon's gaze even when being addressed.]
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Unfortunately for poor Stahn, Leon's distracted by this new mystery, which means that while he'd usually have gotten off of Stahn by now, he's not moving.
Instead, he peers closer even, frowning slightly.]
Is something wrong?
[Leon has picked now to be both observant and unobservant, clearly...... don't worry, it'll click eventually. Maybe.]
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but it's not helping right now. not with leon still on top of him, so unaware of how dangerous this position is and yet all the same being cute as he questions it. this is completely unfair to stahn.]
No—! [okay, that may have come out a little too obvious. he's been spending a little too much time around leon, it would seem like... at least, without the knowledge that stahn is just trying desperately hard to not let his mind wander at inappropriate times.]
I mean... nothing is wrong... It's just... [stahn makes an indistinguishable face—he's not really sure how to say this out loud at all.]
I got caught in my own thoughts, that's all... [his own embarrassing thoughts.]
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Ironically, if he wasn't...straddling Stahn right now, he might actually be figuring this out a little more quickly. But because he's in this position while presented with this puzzle, he's distracted from the fact that he is in a bit of a compromising position, focused as he is on Stahn's expression.
In other words, everything is conspiring to make Stahn's life hard.]
Your own thoughts? [???] They appear to be flustering thoughts.
[Hmmmmm....... What could be flustering Stahn right now? Is he thinking about the previous night?]
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It's nothing! Hahah... Don't worry about it, I'm okay.
[he's fine! this is fine!
except he is thinking about the previous night and also a little about right now and just how easily things could take such a different direction if they allowed it. but they're not even doing anything to warrant that, and stahn knows that it probably wouldn't help the situation.
it's something they need to talk about at some point, but not right now. not like this. so stahn is going to try and just get off the topic. the more leon tries to figure it out, the most stahn can't stop thinking about just putting his hands all over leon this way.
he forces a smile (only forced in that he's trying to force away how flustered he is), shaking his head a bit).]
You can keep doing what you were doing...
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Stahn??? Stahn.... Leon's still baffled, but he does tilt his head to one side at that. Continue...doing what he was doing? He wasn't doing anything in particular, he thinks, but when he casts back, he does realize--]
Stretching?
[??? It's not even his proper routine, he was just getting the kinks out of his back, why are you looking at him like that.]
I haven't done anything. I suppose if you were looking to join me in my routine [no not like that] that would be possible.
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getting up means starting the day properly, it means having to be more reserved with their feelings and general.. well, everything. so stahn scrunches his nose a bit at the suggestion. even if it probably would be better for his heart rate for leon to get off of him... he still doesn't want that. especially not when leon is so confused.
it would also probably be better to let it go, especially after he's insisted that nothing is wrong (nothing is wrong, but-), but stahn can't do that. for some reason, it feels a little dishonest. he doesn't have the words though, so he seeks out leons hands, guiding them to his chest to feel the way stahn's heart is beating. it's racing, pounding hard enough that it seems like his chest could explode. ...he may just be a little worked up right now.]
You... don't usually sit that way, Leon. [THERE. somehow, he said it.
kind of.
talking about this kind of thing is difficult.]
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It still takes a moment for that to sink in, even as Stahn gently grabs his hands and guides them to his chest, and...
That's Stahn's heart beating so rapidly, as though it's going to beat right out of his chest, but it isn't as though they'd been doing anything that was particularly heavy exertion-wise--]
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Sit this way.
............................Ah.]
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And now, he's not actually sure what to do with it, because he was comfortable like this, and Stahn clearly doesn't want him to get up, and yet--
There's a distinct blush to Leon's face now that it's all sinking in, though he can only clear his throat, hands still pressed to Stahn's chest.]
... Ah.
[Yeah, Leon.
"Ah."]
I... that is, this position is-- [... UH.] ...I didn't mean to fluster you.
[SHOULD HE MOVE? He feels like he should move.]
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No—it's... [it's not like he wants leon to feel apologetic for it. he's not upset and he doesn't particularly want leon to leave because he still wants to stay close.]
My thoughts got away from me... it's okay Leon, really...! [he's so flustered. saying that out loud is just further admission that he was thinking about the night before and how close they were to taking that next step—and how being in such a suggestive position is only just a step away from that.
he's embarrassed.
he's so embarrassed.
it's not like these thoughts have never crossed his mind before, obviously. it's not like leon isn't aware of that fact by now too. but it's not something they talk about since it always ends in them being flustered.
like now, for example.
it's a struggle, liking leon this much and wanting to treat these matters delicately... but also being 19 and having all of these feelings of attraction that really can't be tamed so easily. it's not easy holding himself back as much as he does, so it makes moments like this all the more flustering.]
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After all, he's not clueless either. While they haven't taken this next step, they were pretty close to it the night before, and if he hadn't gotten tired, he wonders if they would have made it that far. Stahn's hands had been under his shirt, exploring his skin, hadn't they? It was only a few steps away...
... But like this, they're being entirely innocent.
It's just a matter of definitely being flustered by what could have been. Honestly, the nicest thing Leon could do would be to allow Stahn to shift the topic, but... if Stahn doesn't want Leon to move, then Leon thinks he can indulge in himself as well, and now that the topic's on his mind again, he can't let it go.]
And what, exactly, were you thinking about?
[He knows, of course; he's not clueless. But he's looking for some sort of confirmation, or at least an acknowledgement. For now, it's been a taboo topic, but Leon's pretty sure they were crossing all of those lines earlier.
Just how far would they have gotten last night?
As ever, Leon approaches things he wants to know head-on, even when some tact might honestly be kinder (especially considering how they're still sitting).]
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[tact would definitely be a lot kinder right now, but there's that part of stahn that knows that by addressing the topic at all, it was well likely that leon would want to delve further into this topic.
but that doesn't make it any easier to talk about.
stahn's gaze averts again, and he can't help but to pull a hand over his mouth to mask his further embarrassment for a moment.]
It was...
[he starts, but this is difficult. maybe there's no better time than now to talk about. after things started getting heated last night, and now when them in this position... maybe they need to. it's not as if leon is stupid, and stahn is sure that now he's caught on, he knows where this conversation is headed. and if leon is the one initiating this talk then... maybe it's okay. maybe it's not crossing any lines.
but he still worries that he'll make leon uncomfortable by saying it aloud. there's no way of knowing, but it's too late to back out now. he can only hope that they're truly ready to start addressing this, that maybe the next step is something they really are moving towards. maybe last night wasn't a fluke? he's embarrassed, he's concerned about this changing things, he's worried about leon's comfort. the usual, really.]
The way you looked, stretching that way, like this— ["like this" as in, while straddling his waist.] Last night, and your skin—
[this is too much, even for stahn though. he closes his eyes, almost wincing before letting out a defeated sigh, followed by a groan, but no other words.
this is too much! it's too much for him! he's half-expecting leon to get annoyed at stahn's inability to articulate what he's feeling, but he's not good under this kind of pressure, not when it's leon that's making him so nervous to begin with.
it's kind of the worst. how do people talk about these things? do people talk about these things, or do they just magically know when it's okay and do it without words? stahn doesn't know, because he has absolutely no experience with this topic.]
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How could he not, when there's so much about Stahn he wants and loves?
How could he not, when Stahn's sleepy smile, and Stahn's bright blue eyes, and even the way that Stahn looks so sheepish and embarrassed here and now just make Leon so much surer that he wants everything about him?
The attraction is very much a mutual thing, there's no doubt about that; Leon looks down at Stahn from his position on top and knows that he enjoys this view, even as he wonders, too, what it would be like in the reverse. So when Stahn looks embarrassed like that, trying so hard to make words meet on a topic that neither of them really knows how to talk about, Leon just...pauses. And then his lips twitch into the briefest of smiles (it's cruel to be amused right now when Stahn's so embarrassed, but he really is), before he nods.]
I'd thought it was something like that. [But he needed to hear it in Stahn's voice. And now he knows completely and positively, for sure.] Not...this morning; we have already remained in bed far too long. But...
[It's Leon's turn to struggle for words, but... hasn't he always just gone for it when there was something he wanted? This is no different, even if he has to clamp down on his awkwardness to even get the words out.]
... I would not...be opposed at another time.
[Because honestly? He feels the same way, even if it's impossible for him to put that into words.]
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leon wouldn't say those things if he wasn't comfortable with it, after all.
he can understand it though; neither of them seems to be good at finding the right words for a situation like this. they both know what they want pretty well, so it's just a matter of trying to make good on it. stahn can't really argue leon's reasons for refusing right now—and it's not really like he meant right at this moment. it's early in the day, and... well, exciting as that may be, it feels like something better saved for a time when they know that they won't be faced with interruptions. it's fine... they can take their time and handle it at a moment when they're both ready.
but at least now, stahn can meet leon's gaze once again. his cheeks are still flushed with embarrassment, but he finds it in him to smile, elated and warm at the fact that leon isn't refusing or balking. even if he did smile at stahn's embarrassment (which was further embarrassing, but eh. minor details), the fact that leon reacts this way make it a lot easier for stahn to look at him so directly. after a moment, he'll reach out, outstretching his arm until his hand can reach leon's cheek to touch it lightly, sweeping his thumb across the skin back and further a little.]
It's not something we have to rush. We can just... take things as they come. [which is stahn's way of saying there's no pressure. it's something he's definitely been thinking about; that he has in the past and definitely has a harder time getting off his mind with the knowledge that leon's consent is present.
but he's not going to force it or try to push any hard timeline into when they should do this. it's hard to talk about, but when the time is right, they'll know? maybe it's something like that. either way, he's not disappointed about the response, nor is he going to try and rush leon into it, either.]
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It's a nice thought, because Leon doesn't have words for this--doesn't have words for what he wants. He doesn't know how to say that he wants to be able to touch Stahn in return, to be able to feel what it's like to have fingers on skin, and the level of intimacy that will allow them to do whatever feels right without having to worry about words or boundaries.
Slowly, Leon breathes out a quiet breath, tilting his head slightly to lean into Stahn's touch. His cheek is undoubtedly warm, because he's still a little flustered from both the position and the topic, but he's still not backing down. They don't have to rush. They'll take things as they come.
That seems...fair.
Especially since Leon knows it really won't be long, knowing them. Stahn's been so careful with Leon's own boundaries, but when he thinks about the night before and how that was--well, he can't help how he licks his lips and swallows, though he knows now isn't the time.
(But it was good. It was very good, and he wants to do it again.)
For now, though, he tries to focus on something else (anything else) and meets Stahn's eyes. A-ahem.]
...With that settled, we still cannot remain in this position all morning.
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this is massive.
his eyes stay fixed on leon now, even if there is a bit of a glassy stare to that gaze, because he's just completely absorbing the way leon looks right now. in this moment, when leon is taking a step forward—where they both are, really—and while everything about the situation just feels so warm and right. the previous night wasn't some kind of a mistake or a fluke; it was a step forward. these are things that can't be ignored, even if leon is right in that they can't just stay like this for the rest of the day.
nice as that would be.
in some ways, stahn's mind is still racing over every implication... or what could be considered more a declaration of intent. there's not much way that stahn won't be things about this for a while, even as they continue on. leon letting down those walls, letting stahn in, making himself willing and available for the sort of intimacy that stahn wasn't sure he'd every really be comfortable with—hwo could that flit from his mind so easily? it's almost a tease at this point, when they'd come so close and now have no plan.
but it's fine. it's fine, because the intent has been declared, and he knows that when leon is ready, he'll allow things to progress. (this doesn't account for the fact that stahn doesn't really know what will come beyond that, but as ever, they'll figure it out.) he can try to let it go, though stahn isn't entirely ready to let leon leave yet. his hand falls way from leon's cheek dragging down to his arm to tug leon closer to him.]
Just another minute... [he protests gently; he wants to hug leon just a little more before they really get up to start the day properly.]
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