realpolitik | Mockingbird | Loki

Awww, and here I was hoping you would be helpful.

[ Loki is lounging in a miscolored tree like a Cheshire Cat, if said feline was actually more humanoid in shape and obscenely fond of the color green. He has no idea where he is either, and after taking plenty of photographic evidence of this dimension, had become bored enough to be concerned. ]

[Okay, he's got a douchebag circlet thing with horns and he's got a douchebag grin and he's lounging like a douchebag.

Check, check and check.

She props her hands on her hips, glad that she's been left in her Mockingbird costume. More aerodynamic, if it comes down to it.]

Do you always depend on the new person to give you a clue?

I was actually hoping you were a native, but I should have known by the spandex it was unlikely.

[ He whips out his Stark phone and pulls up his superhero encyclopedia app, swiping through it at a rapid pace. ]

So, what are you? Hero for Hire? Avenger? Guardian of the Galaxy? X-Man (Or would it be woman? Not very gender inclusive there)? Groupie?

[One hand on her hip, fist made, she lifts the other to tap at her lips, almost mockingly thoughtful.

. . .]

You're smaller than I recall, Loki.

[any Avenger worth their salt knows Loki, even if--]

Though the correct answer to your question is "none of the above" and "none of your business".

And also more adorable!

[ He is of the opinion that everyone knowing who he is is a rather grand compliment and keeps poking at his screen. ]

Blonde, female, blue eyes, black and white color scheme -- no, no, no -- oh, here we go! Mockingbird, Avenger. Really, this was the best ninety-nine cents I have spent since I downloaded Angry Birds.

That's stretching it.

[Still, she looks amused, even as she turns and begins to walk away. Oh. Though she does wave a hand over her shoulder. Coming, Loki?]

And your information's outdated. I'm not an Avenger anymore.

[ Oh, of course he is. She is the only other living, breathing thing he has seen since he showed up here, so he is all about tagging along. ]

Really? I will remember to update your profile when we get somewhere with good wifi. Always the hardest thing to get in alien dimensions.

[She rather thought he would. And the nice thing about not being an Avenger is that she can accept Loki's company in this rather desolate island paradise.

Just so long as she keeps a sharp eye on him.

Y e a h.]

Alien dimensions... [...bleh.] My least favorite sort of surprise field trip.

[though admittedly going back in time ranks close.]

And you're not the cause of any of this?

[She just looks at him out of the corner of her eye, because well--Loki, god of lies. Asking him is more like just making small talk.]

If I made an alternate dimension I would have a better taste in color palette. Really, I am expecting the unicorns to show up any moment now.

[ He tucks the Starkphone back into a hidden pocket, glancing around though there is not anything new to see. ]

Doesn't happen to look familiar, does it?

["Make", huh... One of her eyebrows arches at that, because she'd been more implying just transportation, not the entire making of dimensions.

Gotta take care around Norse gods, she supposes. That's nothing new.

Though that gets a flat look.]

...Unicorns.

I think I'd take the aliens any day. [and then she waves a hand, dismissing that.] I may be well-travelled, but not this much.

Unicorns do tend to kill anyone not a virgin, so. Aliens might be reasoned with.

[ Which makes him wonder if he counts. He has memories of sex, but those are not technically his, and he has been, well, too busy for distractions of the flesh. Demiurges to manipulate and all that. He shrugs to himself. ]

What were you doing before you showed up here?

[That almost was very inappropriate, and if he had even slightly tried to prod into her sex life she probably would've smacked him good--

but he didn't, so she's be magnanimous.]

I was on a mission.

[temporarily working with Loki or not, she's not going to give the God of Lies any information on the World Counterterrorism Agency.]

You?

Breaking into my brother's apartment.

[ And nearly getting his head taken of by Mjolnir. He really should have let Thor drink his coffee first. Thor was as smash-happy as the Hulk in the mornings. ]

[...and she snorts quietly, lips twitching into a smirk.]

Oh, I bet Thor loved that.

[yep she can just see his face now--torn between happy puppy BROTHER!!! and general smashy smashiness of Thor.

... And then in the next second she's on the balls of her feet, tense even if she hasn't pulled out a weapon yet, because the undergrowth is rustling.]

[ Loki's own smart alek reply is cut off by Mockingbird's tensing. He is smart enough to know when the hypersensitive superhero gets all antsy, he should probably pay attention.

Doubly so, in this case, as an exquisite, mother-of-pearl like horn of stabbity death comes shooting out of the brush, something white and sparkly attached to the end that is not trying to kill them.

There is appropriate squealing and throwing himself out of the way. ]

[Loki, you are manly. It's a marvel you and Thor are siblings at all.

(But oh right, adopted.)

So Mockingbird just quite gracefully flips over the angry unicorn, landing neatly out of the way. And she's incredulous, but not so incredulous that she doesn't make her polearm appear from out of nowhere like she does, lengthening it warily.

The unicorn stamps in place, snorting--

And then turns and quite docilely trots towards Loki.]

... There's a comment waiting to be made about legends, gods and horses here, I know there is. It's on the tip of my tongue.

[she's so, so amused.]

[ Loki looks downright offended as the unicorn stops beside him and fondly snorts into his hair.

Then he is pointing accusingly at Mockingbird with all the intimidation a god being nuzzled by a glorious white symbol of virginity can. ]

If you even start that, I will make every day of your life from this point on look like an episode of Jackass.

[...yeah she's totally not intimidated.

Bobbi just props one hand on her hip, the other still holding her staff.]

You don't really cut an intimidating figure like that, kid.

[ . . .

h o l d o n.]

...You're a virgin then. That's-- [she narrows her eyes, thinking hard.]

That doesn't make any sense.

I am not a virgin!

[ He says with all of the fury of a virgin trying to keep some shred of his street cred. The fact he is turning pink is not helping matters.

Nor is the unicorn trying to see if the horns of his circlet are edible. ]

[nope she's just. looking so fiercely concentrated now.]

But if that's the case, maybe that's why you look so young and haven't tried anything sneaky or underhanded yet.

[And then she points her staff at him.]

Reincarnation or other magic shenanigans?

[ Damn it. First person to really accept he was not the old Loki (Thor never counted), and it is in a situation he totally wanted the opposite. For a trickster god, he had the worst luck. ]

Oh, come on. Was old me really so predictable he would do something evil when there is no real reason to?

[ . . . ]

Yes.

[just.

yes.]

Last time seeing him was more than enough to convince me of that. To be honest, you're tagging along on borrowed good will.

[and then she glances at the unicorn, arching her eyebrow higher.]

Though this makes things interesting.

...that made it sound like I was shocked. I am not, really.

[ He looks to the unicorn, reaching up to dislodge it from gnawing on his horns. ]

Are you going to be a good unicorn? Because I am not against unicorn steaks. Just warning you.

[Okay that gets a long, evaluating look. Because she's never heard anyone be quite so...cynical? Yes, cynical about themselves.

And she's hung out with Iron Man and Hawkeye and herself. For now, though--well, it doesn't matter much, does it? A conflicted god of mischief is a god doing less mischief.]

... While it wouldn't be the top of my list, I'm also not against unicorn steaks if no other food is available.

[And then she folds up her staff again in a few quick movements, turning to continue walking. Her goal has always been the sound of waves--the beach. Just to figure out what their situation really looks like.]

Glad we agree.

[ When she looks back to see if Loki is following, he will be.

Astride his new deer-hooved friend, looking for all the world like a Disney princess. If he is going to be saddled with a glaring reminder of his lack of a sex life, he is going to rock it. ]

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