realpolitik | Mockingbird | Loki

[Loki, you are manly. It's a marvel you and Thor are siblings at all.

(But oh right, adopted.)

So Mockingbird just quite gracefully flips over the angry unicorn, landing neatly out of the way. And she's incredulous, but not so incredulous that she doesn't make her polearm appear from out of nowhere like she does, lengthening it warily.

The unicorn stamps in place, snorting--

And then turns and quite docilely trots towards Loki.]

... There's a comment waiting to be made about legends, gods and horses here, I know there is. It's on the tip of my tongue.

[she's so, so amused.]

[ Loki looks downright offended as the unicorn stops beside him and fondly snorts into his hair.

Then he is pointing accusingly at Mockingbird with all the intimidation a god being nuzzled by a glorious white symbol of virginity can. ]

If you even start that, I will make every day of your life from this point on look like an episode of Jackass.

[...yeah she's totally not intimidated.

Bobbi just props one hand on her hip, the other still holding her staff.]

You don't really cut an intimidating figure like that, kid.

[ . . .

h o l d o n.]

...You're a virgin then. That's-- [she narrows her eyes, thinking hard.]

That doesn't make any sense.

I am not a virgin!

[ He says with all of the fury of a virgin trying to keep some shred of his street cred. The fact he is turning pink is not helping matters.

Nor is the unicorn trying to see if the horns of his circlet are edible. ]

[nope she's just. looking so fiercely concentrated now.]

But if that's the case, maybe that's why you look so young and haven't tried anything sneaky or underhanded yet.

[And then she points her staff at him.]

Reincarnation or other magic shenanigans?

[ Damn it. First person to really accept he was not the old Loki (Thor never counted), and it is in a situation he totally wanted the opposite. For a trickster god, he had the worst luck. ]

Oh, come on. Was old me really so predictable he would do something evil when there is no real reason to?

[ . . . ]

Yes.

[just.

yes.]

Last time seeing him was more than enough to convince me of that. To be honest, you're tagging along on borrowed good will.

[and then she glances at the unicorn, arching her eyebrow higher.]

Though this makes things interesting.

...that made it sound like I was shocked. I am not, really.

[ He looks to the unicorn, reaching up to dislodge it from gnawing on his horns. ]

Are you going to be a good unicorn? Because I am not against unicorn steaks. Just warning you.

[Okay that gets a long, evaluating look. Because she's never heard anyone be quite so...cynical? Yes, cynical about themselves.

And she's hung out with Iron Man and Hawkeye and herself. For now, though--well, it doesn't matter much, does it? A conflicted god of mischief is a god doing less mischief.]

... While it wouldn't be the top of my list, I'm also not against unicorn steaks if no other food is available.

[And then she folds up her staff again in a few quick movements, turning to continue walking. Her goal has always been the sound of waves--the beach. Just to figure out what their situation really looks like.]

Glad we agree.

[ When she looks back to see if Loki is following, he will be.

Astride his new deer-hooved friend, looking for all the world like a Disney princess. If he is going to be saddled with a glaring reminder of his lack of a sex life, he is going to rock it. ]

Dying on an island that looks like it was colored by a five-year-old is not on my to do list for today. Or ever.

[she...doesn't really know how to deal with Loki astride a unicorn.

She seriously has not had any training to prepare her for this. Not in SHIELD, not in the Avengers, not in the WCA.

So she rolls with it, giving him a thoughtful glance before turning back to her task, which is successful a few moments later as she finds ocean. Stepping out onto the (bright orange, yuck) sand, she pauses to admire the ocean.]

...Tacky.

[or not.]

Whatever being made this place is obviously colorblind. This unicorn is the only thing that doesn't clash.

[ Really, it is offending Loki's sense of good taste.

Which is good.

Despite his current ride.

We swear. ]

Good. If that's the case, it will narrow down our list of suspects of who to make pay for this farce when we get out of here.

[whoops someone's sounding a little cold.

she was busy okay!!! and now she's busy looking at an orange beach with sickly green water and this is just ridiculous.]

Sadly, colorblind is not an option on my superhero app, though it really should be.

[ He ignores the cold as he considers the beach; who is he to judge what she might do to whoever did this? ]

Let us pick a direction and keep walking. If there is any sort of society here, they are most likely to have a dock somewhere.

[bro, you've been on the wrong side too long.]

If a superhero is the one who put us here, we're in deeper trouble than just eye-searing color combinations.

[because that means compromised and replaced and maybe even skrulls which are never good words.

But with a short breath that might almost be a sigh, she looks left. And then right. And picks left, setting out in the sand, boots making orange imprints.]

Oh, come on, it has villains too. Most superheroes have been villains at one point or another, anyway.

[ He sets the unicorn to trotting after her as he pulls out his phone, flipping through screens once again. ]

[Her response to that is to just wave a hand.

Yeah yeah, worryingly true, and yet. Besides, even she was compromised for awhile there, being replaced by a skrull and all.]

A super villain app. How useful. Does it tell you their favorite color too?

Only if it's vital to defeating them.

[ The gears in his mind are turning as he considers their situation. ]

Are you and Hawkeye still an item?

[huh. Maybe it really is a useful app.

Note to self: talk to Twitchy about finding said app and installing it in all of their phones.

Though she tosses a look over her shoulder at him at that, mostly amused.]

That's the best you've got? App can't solve the situation, so you turn to gossip?

As interesting as superhero love dramas are, I was more considering that we do not have even vaguely similar abilities, so said supervillain collecting us to use us for some task is probably not the case; it is highly doubtful we have pissed off the exact same villain somehow; and the only thing that has tried to kill us so far is sparkle hooves here. Our only connection is we are both connected to Avengers, and I can just imagine some wack-job currently cackling to them "bwahahaa, I have trapped your loved ones in a really tacky dimension! Submit to me before they lose all sense of good taste!"

[ Loki punctuated his supervillain impression with proper hand waving and evil laughter. ]

[...she crosses her arms, staring at him with an arched eyebrow.]

Your supervillain impression would probably be better if you weren't sitting on the back of a unicorn right now, but A for effort.

[And then she'll concede the point, waving a hand.]

We're not married anymore, if that's what you're asking. If someone's going after Hawkeye, there are better targets to pick.

[she generally has too much teeth and claws to be a good target.]

So our villain is either stupid or more clever than we realize. Or there is not a villain at all and this is all just very strange coincidence.

[ He would rather it be a villain. It was always harder to deal with issues where there was not an antagonist. ]

Or you brought me here for some purpose that isn't yet clear, or you intended to bring someone else and got me instead--or our friendly supervillain did.

[She shrugs, nonchalant.]

The possibilities are endless.

Or you are not really Mockingbird at all, but a sneaky Skrull or interdimensional parasite.

[ He shrugs as well, though being totally blind does irritate him. ]

[She twitches.

It's a small reaction, but one nonetheless. Skrulls--she's been there before.]

That's not a concern right now--not that I can say 'trust me', since that's the point of both Skrulls and interdimensional parasites.

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