realpolitik | Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron

[To Leon, he hasn't even realized how big of a step this is. He doesn't realize for himself just how much he's changed--he just knows that he doesn't have any reasons to argue it, and seeing Stahn this pleased and happy about it doesn't exactly dissuade him.

It's nice to be able to get smiles like that, especially for something as basic as offering to read a book.

Still, Stahn's second comment makes sense to Leon. The way things have been so crazy haven't really let them have a long time to go shopping for things like books, and he doesn't imagine that there was a huge bookstore in Stahn's hometown out in the boonies.

Well.]

I suppose you may as well get what books you want, then. [It's not like...they're lacking in money... Hugo may have been discovered to be a lying cheat and the Oberon Corporation may not exactly be functioning anymore, but it's not like all of that vast fortune he made just disappeared.]

There is no reason to hold back.

Mm... they have so many books at the store here in Darilsheid, I almost couldn't believe it.

[once a bumpkin, always a bumpkin. he doesn't seem to shy to admit it; he was absolutely amazed the first time he walked in there and could see just the variety of material in so many different genres.

even on the days they had to themselves during their journeys, they'd been so caught up in the stress of it all that stahn didn't even think about going to too many places like bookstores. so being able to do it now is just incredible to him. in a sense, it's still difficult to believe there are that many books. so it's nice. it's nice that the option is there, and even nicer that leon is encouraging it. stahn finds himself shifting a little so he can lean a bit closer to leon as he continues to say what's on his mind.]

Most of the ones I read before were books Gramps had or ones I borrowed from other people in Leane... [which wasn't even that often, most in the town probably didn't even know he had any interest in reading.

maybe if he spent more time on the pasture conscious instead of falling asleep with the sheep and the book in his lap, they'd have realized it?]

It's really cool how many there are here! [your boyfriend is excited about books, leon. how does this make you feel?]

[It...

It actually makes him feel pretty happy, if he's totally honest with himself, because Leon also loves books and learning and gaining new knowledge, and even if Stahn's more on the fantasy silliness side of things, reading is reading. Maybe he can get Stahn to read some of the simpler science texts he has in exchange for Leon reading about pirates...?

The possibilities are endless, because Stahn is actually really excited about books, and it's...

...

... It's cute.

Leon has to clear his throat at the realization, glancing away even as Stahn leans closer.

Ugh, it is cute and he doesn't know how to handle that, he can't remember the last time he thought anything was cute besides Marian once when she fell while carrying a bunch of flowers and ended up covered in petals--this is a nightmare.]

... Naturally... there are all sorts of books here... [Nailed it, he's definitely not trying to avoid looking at Stahn and he's definitely not a little startled and overwhelmed by that realization.]

[stahn would definitely be willing to try the books offered to him by leon—if it's something that leon is interested in, he's always willing to give it a shot.

even if the chances of him actually understanding a lot of it are slim, he'd still try.

but more importantly!]

—Leon? [obviously, stahn has noticed the way he responds. and he's also noticed the way he seems to be looking the other way.

of course this is a little baffling to him. stahn hasn't said anything particularly strange or embarrassing, and even moving a little closer to leon isn't that much of a big deal these days. considering they usually share a bed at night, this is hardly any excessive affection. so... why the sudden reluctance?]

Is everything okay? [did he do something wrong, or weird?]

[EVERYTHING'S...FINE...

Probably.

Leon wasn't intending to make Stahn worry, of course; it's a silly thing for him to fret over too, which makes it even worse.

So he gently coughs under his breath before nodding shortly.]

Everything is fine, of course. [Obviously.] Stop fretting over nothing.

[Leon's just embarrassed because his...boyfriendthing is cute and it's too much, okay!]

[stahn can't help but to fret and worry when leon reacts like that. usually, there's a reason that stahn can actually understand—when it comes so suddenly with no prompting, he isn't sure how to handle it.]

Okay... if you're sure. [he may still just be a little concerned—it's not like stahn thinks he was doing anything particularly notable. how is he supposed to know leon found it cute?]

Sorry—You surprised me, that's all.

You are--

[... stupidly cute over some things--

Nope.

Uh.]

--Never mind it. Nothing is wrong. It was just a thought. [An embarrassing thought.]

Uh...

[stahn is definitely giving him a very puzzled look right now. leon? leon... what?]

You can tell me, you know. [he'd rather know what leon's thinking than feel like he's being left in the dark here.]

Absolutely not.

[IMMEDIATELY.

Too embarrassing.

Nope.

Not happening.]

It was nothing important. [And then, in more of a mutter:] If anything, it was ridiculous.

It bothered you though, didn't it? Even if you say it's not important...

[why is he being so snappy about this? poor stahn, he's totally confused as to what's going on. he pouts a little, giving leon a look—hadn't they gotten past this stage of things already?]

[..... No.

Stop....]

Don't...look at me like that.

[It's critically effective, even if he just crosses his arms and looks away.]

It was just...surprising. [That's...all!!!] I had not expected to find you so excited. [Over books....]

That... surprised you?

[it's not like stahn can't figure out that it's because of the books. stahn's usually excited about one thing or another, so it's not like the general demeanor would be all that shocking.

so it has to be the books, right?

it takes a moment for the surprise of that answer to pass, and stahn's face relaxes into a smile once again. he lets out a small, gentle chuckle.]

I guess it is pretty surprising, huh? Even some people in Leane were surprised when I mentioned something I read in a book. [though he probably should take that as an insult that everyone things he's so dumb and uncultured that sticking his nose in a book is surprising.

but this is stahn, so of course he doesn't.]

Not that you read--though with the air you give off, I suppose that could be surprising to people who do not know you. [He scoffs that away with a wave of his hand, huffing. He does think that Stahn's hardly the most scholastically intelligent person, but that doesn't really matter when he's good at so many other things.

Besides, it's not like Stahn's a dumbass.

Leon would never have fallen for him if he was.

But he scoffs that off so quickly because...well, the reason he was surprised was because he was excited.]

Still, not everyone is capable of being able to be so excited over reading, regardless of their intelligence levels.

[So... it's kind of special, honestly.]

Yeah but... they all know me in Leane. They always have!

[he's just saying. people were pretty good at treating him like a dumbass and they did make it seem like it was the most shocking revelation ever. it's not put-out by it, though. if anything, he looks a little more puzzled at leon's actual reasoning.]

Really? [he's so innocent about it. to stahn, there's nothing special about it, because it's just something he likes. and besides, who wouldn't get excited over something that's interesting?]

I guess I never really thought about it like that. There's so much to be excited about when there's a good story—a lot of them were even more exciting than the stories Gramps would tell me from when he was soldier. [so naturally it was EXCITING.]

[Leon knows Stahn's not getting it--he's not getting what's so startling (or pleasing) about it for Leon, which is why he scoffs faintly, frowning a bit.]

Of course.

[Of course that's why Stahn likes them. But...that's not what Leon's so taken by.]

Nonetheless, having the passion for something like this is--

[... cute.

...shit.]

[stahn is so confused right now.]

What about it? [what is leon even getting at...] I'm not sure I follow...

That is--

[He tries again, and--

No, no, he can't do it.]

--It is not important!

Leon...

[this is something between a stern call and a whine. stahn, what.]

Come on, just tell me! It seems pretty important...! [why can't he say it? leon, why are you being weirder than usual!]

I've already told you, it is not important...!

[He's embarrassed, and he doesn't want to leave this comfortable position, but he's definitely shifting uncomfortably under the blanket, pressed to Stahn's side, and he might very well go if he feels he has to.

Embarrassment is too much.]

[it still seems like it's more important, but the way leon shifts seems to put stahn on edge—he realizes he's pushing his limits here and that'll only lead to them fighting or leon leaving.

so stahn himself shifts a little, straightening bit.]

Okay... I won't ask anymore. Sorry, I didn't mean to push. [he's frowning a bit, he just wanted to know what it was, but if it's going to upset leon then he's really only upsetting himself more in the end.

he tries so hard, but sometimes stahn really just misses the mark.]

[Stahn really does try so hard, and it's how hard Stahn tries that endears Leon to him either way. He's still tense--it's less the actual thing he's hiding now (which is honestly pretty dumb and silly, if embarrassing), and now being pushed to his limits instead that really is causing him to tense up so much.

But Stahn backs off, and Leon slowly relaxes by degrees, glancing away.

And, quietly, he'll repeat:]

It is not important.

I know.

[stahn let his curiosity get the better of him and as a result, he went far enough to make leon uncomfortable. this isn't what stahn wants at all, especially when he tries so hard to respect leon's limits.

he didn't realize it was something that would bother leon so much.

so just as quietly—maybe even more so, he'll repeat the same.]

Sorry, Leon.

[... It's really nothing Stahn has to look so upset over, Leon thinks--even if he, too, was getting a little upset over it. It seems that some things are still the same, despite the leaps and bounds Leon has taken in getting better at communicating.

So he just shakes his head, simply.]

... Regardless. I didn't intend to interrupt your reading.

[He's offering...an olive branch of sorts here.]

[it's an olive branch he'll gladly take, since it's not like there's a single situation in which stahn can ever be happy when things get that way.

he doesn't like being the one to upset leon, especially not because he was being selfish and inconsiderate. but leon's words do well enough to convey that he's not holding a grudge, and that the apology was either needless or accepted.]

It's not an interruption. [he'll say after a moment, and with it comes a softer, more subdued smile.] I might have fallen asleep if I read for too much longer anyway.

[it was a long day; he probably could easily take a nap, though it's definitely too late for that.]

...I like this better, anyway. [he can be the one to say embarrassing things like that. but it's true; he'd much rather spend his time with leon when they both have that chance. the book can wait. the book can always wait, because leon is more important.]

[He is definitely the one to say embarrassing things, as ever--but it's a little settling even so, even if Leon's embarrassed to hear it. It's nice to hear that Stahn prefers this, even with their momentary tenseness.

Stahn is still happy with this even so.

So Leon just relaxes the remainder of the way, allowing the rest of the tension to fade away. This is....fine, as ever.

They're always fine.]

Mm. I have no complaints.

["I like this better too."]

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