realpolitik | Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron

Entry tags:

Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron | 071

[this is a catch-all for boyfriends

here's a list

- ice cream ✓
- seasickness
- stahn sacrifice ✓
- reunion: judas ✓
- taming stahn's hair ✓
- piggyback rides ✓
- just imagine
- family dinner
- why is there pow hammer
- possessive leon
- apologies
- post-barbatos afterlife meeting
- AND MORE]

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[This is entirely what Leon wanted, and even if he had no idea that this was how Stahn was going to react, it's hardly something he's going to complain about. If anything, everything Stahn is doing is pushing the nearness of that fatality away. "Could have"s fade away fast in comparison to Stahn's arm around his waist and the intermingling of their breaths, hot, heavy and intense as neither of them lets up.

Everything he was frightened of has no choice but to fade away, because Stahn is solid and real when pressed up against him like this, and that's all Leon could have ever asked for.

When Stahn pauses, Leon, too, has to focus on just breathing, unsteadily and shuddering, the edge of the desk digging into Leon's back--which is honestly not that comfortable, and Leon shifts a little then, though he doesn't quite know how to fix that. And he's honestly not entirely too concerned with it, because of far greater importance is the face that they've been separated a moment too long (brief as that was), and Leon's not going to hesitate to lean up for another kiss, pressing his lips to Stahn's with thorough intent. Some of the desperation is fading away now, but the intensity and the eagerness remains, because now that they've opened these gates, well... it's not something Leon's prepared to give up either.]

[it's impossible to resist—the way leon aggressively kisses him seems to declare intent to keep going, and it's like the better part of any conscious has completely left stahn. his heart is racing in his chest from the sheer excitement, but the truth is that he can't keep this position either.

but he doesn't want to break the kisses for any more than a second, not the quick ones, not the ones where he tastes leon against his tongue, not the ones where his teeth lightly tug at leon's lips—not a single one of them.

which is why everything about his actions are clumsy. hands fumbling for a proper grip on leon's waist, followed by using what strength he has to lift leon up. it winds him a little, but being unwilling to stop in the moment because every sensation that makes his lips tingly and raw is fine... even if what comes next is just as clumsy. he lifts leon to seat him on the desk with little regard for what's actually on the desk, meaning that leon's body is the force that slides everything askew. papers scatter everywhere, the quill pen gets knocked to the floor along with other stationary supplies...

and stahn is paying exactly zero mind to that, instead using this newfound equal height to free up his hands; one rests on the side of leon's thigh, the other cups his cheek in just a way that the tips of his fingers lightly thread the hair at the base of leon's temple.]

[It's clumsy, and unexpected, and everything that was on his desk gets knocked about and aside, and if Leon was in his right mind he'd be very displeased about that--but with Stahn's hand on his thigh and the other cupping his cheek, really all Leon can think about is pressing forward (and not having to lean up, and that's satisfying too in its own way) to deepen that kiss.

There's something entirely new and different about this, as though all of those boundaries and walls were slammed down all at once, as though Leon's throwing himself into a leap of faith knowing full well that Stahn will catch him.

But in reality...it's really not that much of a leap, is it? After all, Stahn has been there for him for so long now. He's been restraining this fierceness, this warmth solely to not push Leon, and he knows it. There's a part of him that wonders if maybe he hasn't been missing out all this time, if this is the sort of spark Stahn's capable of, the sort that pools warmth in Leon's gut and gets him to reach out with his free hand (the other still buried in Stahn's hair) to wrap his arm around Stahn's back and pull him even closer, as though they're not already practically as close as can be.

No, in reality, this isn't much of a leap at all, because when Leon had found himself in that danger before, his first thought had been that he wasn't ready to lose what he had with Stahn, and everything else had come after.

This has been safe for awhile--and even if perhaps Leon could have initiated something like this earlier, he certainly doesn't regret doing it now.]

[there's not even the slightest hesitation when leon pulls him closer. even though there's not much further stahn can move and his own body is forced to press against the desk a bit, he'll still try his best to shimmy even closer to that there's virtually no gap between them.

this is everything stahn has been holding back since they decided to make something of their feelings. it's been increasingly more challenging too—sharing a bed, dealing with leon's long gaps of time away on missions, and so many gentle touches and grazes that would make his hair stand on ends that sometimes, it was actively difficult to not unleash this level of desire. because of course, he's wanted this. stahn is keenly enough aware of his own feelings at this point and the fact that he wants to give his everything for leon, and finding ways to express that while respecting leon's walls and boundaries isn't always easy.

but now leon is here. he's here, he's close, and he can taste the subtle sweetness that seems to exemplify leon behind closed doors. stahn can feel his breath, the warmth of his skin, the silkiness of his hair—even if the fabric from his clothing seems to be enough to keep that fire burning, with his kisses being returned with increasing intensity. it's almost dizzying how much he likes this, and how little he wants it to stop.]

[Being around Stahn has always been warm. Warm, fiery, it's everything Stahn is and always has been, and it's more than enough for Leon. Of course something like this, which has its own heat and warmth to it, is only even more passionate when it's Stahn.

But then, Leon can't imagine doing this with anyone else. It's Stahn that he trusts enough to bring closer, arm wrapped around him, fingers tightening in his hair. It's Stahn he trusts with his hand cupped around his cheek, the other gentle but warm on his leg, and he couldn't allow anyone else to be that close and intimate, but Stahn...

When it's Stahn, he not only feels safe, he feels incredibly warm. The intensity of Stahn's feelings...they come through, crystal clear, and Leon understands, because he feels the same way. Even if it was his own walls and boundaries keeping Stahn at even the distance they were at, the only reason he can crash them down right now is because he loves Stahn that much.

He doesn't really want this to stop either, but eventually he does have to break away if only to breathe, to breathe and because he's a little overwhelmed by that connection, that he's that in love even if he really should have known this all along, and for a moment Leon just stares at Stahn, as if deciding if he should go for another kiss, even with his chest heaving, or pull away more.

He's leaning towards more kisses though, honestly. It's a little hard to stop now that he's gotten a taste for what they can be.]

[there's no protest when leon pulls away, because as much as he wants more—as much as he feels like he could do this forever—there's a lot more to it than just that.

stahn has known his own feelings for a long time now. he knows that he loves leon, that he's in love with leon and that for all the times they bicker and don't necessarily view things the same, there's nobody else out there for him the way that leon is. stahn knows the warmth he feels just seeing leon is something that couldn't be replicated by anyone else.

—and there's no comparing the excitement that fills his entire body just from sharing fiery kisses like these. but even though he knows this, even though he's been incredibly patient despite knowing this, he also knows for leon... it's probably still a lot. to express his feelings so openly, especially having done so without any words. so while leon takes that moment to catch his breath (and really? stahn needs it too, else his passions may get a little too passionate in quarters as close as these. not a long break, especially if leon is willing to indulge more... but enough for a couple of small, but important things.

the first is to meet leon's gaze, though his own is a bit hazy. stahn's cheeks are red and his lips look almost raw and swollen slightly from their endeavors. but he's warm, and his fingers are pushing some disheveled hair way from leon's face.]

...Welcome home. [it's something he feels needs to be said, and punctuated with a brief, more gentle kiss.

there's plenty of room for excitement, and for more of those kisses, but the moment of reprieve can't be waste on a sentiment so important. leon is home.

leon is home, and he's safe, and it's always the biggest relief when that happens. it's important, it's exciting, it gives him all the more reason to want to be close and stay close—he's usually pretty tame in expressing how much he's missed leon, but with an entrace like that, there's no holding back.]

[Meeting Stahn's gaze like this almost breaks Leon down again, almost gets him to just reach for him again to pull him into a kiss, because there's something terribly enticing about the look on his face and the rest in his cheeks and lips, and it takes everything Leon has to just breathe out a shuddery breath instead of dragging Stahn in for another needy kiss.

Later.

In a moment.

Because it's true that this is also incredibly important. Stahn's welcoming him home, and for a moment Leon can only clear his throat, because it feels a little caught with some unidentifiable emotion. He almost didn't come home to this--to Stahn meeting his eyes with such a genuine, happy look on his face, to Stahn gently brushing his hair from his eyes.

Leon swallows hard, and then leans in for another kiss, but this one is quiet and slow and gentle, and when he pulls back, he can so sincerely say:]

It's good to be home.

[He's so grateful to have this.]

[hearing that is almost like magic when combined with such a gentle, warm kiss...

stahn still definitely wants more.

his hand moves away from leon's leg for a moment as he leans in; both his hands cup leon's cheeks, and the warmth in his eyes definitely betrays the sheer amount of burning heat that he feels right now. but stahn rushes into nothing, of only because there's another sentiment he absolutely needs to express before that.

if he can figure out how.

less gentle than the last kiss, but far less intense than the ones that came before it, stahn plants more kisses on leon's lips, each small one increasing in intensity until he's almost sucking lightly at his lower lip. when stahn finally breaks the kiss (if only barely), he says the words on his mind right up against leon's mouth.

his inhibitions are definitely lessened a bit, because they're words he's never dared to say evem if it's something that's always implied when they're apart.]

I missed you. [it comes out at barely above a whisper and completely breathless—but is it any surprise? with a greeting like the one he got from leon, it's only amplified just how lonely he was without leon's companionship; now he's almost completely unwilling to let go.

at this rate, he'd keep kissing leon until their lips fell off.]

[It's definitely not just Stahn now. Leon's pretty sure he could remain here for the rest of the night, shifting from languid kisses to intense kisses and back again, if they were capable of it. Granted, they'll probably run out of stamina long before then (especially Leon, who's mainly persisting on his adrenaline high, because the day took a lot out of him), but for now it's easy to just lean into the kiss, Stahn dragging a muffled noise verging on a groan out of Leon as he sucks on his lower lip.

It's a new sort of feeling, one that shortens his breath and makes him shiver, and Stahn's words don't help at all.

He missed him.

Leon's always known that Stahn misses him when he's gone, but it's different hearing it, especially in that breathless tone, and Leon can only breathe out shakily in response, nodding slowly and trying to find his voice to respond. He missed Stahn too--so much. He's happy to be here with Stahn, safe and sound--how could he feel anything but safe, perched on the desk like this with Stahn almost larger than life around him and before him, fingers gentle on his face.

In the end, he doesn't say any of that, but he does lean in to slot their lips together again, tasting at Stahn's lips himself, because he knows that speaks very well for itself.

He absolutely missed Stahn too. Who could ever doubt that?]

[stahn doesn't need leon's words to know that he was missed; the feeling of leon's lips against his once again speaks volumes for him.

words aren't leon's strong suit, and stahn knows it, so there isn't any sort of expectation for them. even stahn himself couldn't have predicted he'd finally voice those feelings until it was actually happening. and now his lips are pressed against leon's again and it's easy to just fall back into that position wanting a little more fire from it all.

there will be time to talk later. there'll be time to see how leon's mission went and shower him with gentle, chaste kisses while they unwind in bed.

right now, stahn still wants to maintain the heat while it's there, because he hasn't the faintest idea if this will become a regular part of their routine, or if this just sometimes special enough that he needs to grab onto it in the moment. so one of his hands drops slightly, lightly cupping the side of leon's neck. this time, his other hand shifts so his fingers thread leon's hair properly... it's almost like his hands are looking to touch every part of leon that is acceptable just to soak in his tangibility.

if stahn's feelings had ever once been called into question, the way he moves now only further proves that he just wants to experience every part of leon for his own. he loves leon, he loves to be near him in every sense of the word. his kisses accompany this sentiment, returning leon's with an intensity that exemplifies why fire is his natural element. everything may be slightly clumsy, sloppy and inexperienced, but what shows is how much he tries simply because it's what he feels.]

[It's all too easy for Leon to lean into Stahn's touch, too. If Stahn's going to run his fingers through Leon's hair, Leon's going to lean into that hand ever-so-slightly; not enough to break their kiss, but more than enough to make it clear that he enjoys the touch. When it comes from Stahn... well, he's come a long way in handling that sort of thing.

He trusts Stahn, he loves Stahn, he's in love with Stahn, and he's perfectly content to have Stahn's hands on him.

A lot has changed over their time together, even Leon can tell that much, but he doesn't draw attention to it. Instead, he matches Stahn's kisses as best he can, and while he doesn't have the same fiery passion that Stahn does, he certainly has a lot of warmth and affection to give even so. The fierceness of their kisses has bled away a great deal of the desperation he had, but now it's purely out of desire that Leon continues to kiss Stahn, emphatic and warm.

In the meantime, though, he's pretty sure Stahn's not going to try to pull away from him in the least, and so he can run the fingers of his hand that was keeping Stahn close up his back instead, along the line of his spine, more an exploration than anything.

Yes, this is absolutely fine, he thinks, this is the sort of thing that will definitely have to happen again.]

[neither of them need to draw attention to it; stahn is aware as much as leon is that doing so will only make things awkward when they haven't mastered the art of talking about these things. there's still so much that's left unspoken between then, and stahn isn't in any rush to push past that even if he doesn't want for there to be a time when that's possible.

will he be able to say those words one day? will there come a time when he can verbally state that he loves leon? stahn isn't sure, but all the same, he thinks that his actions likely do well enough to convey it.

the kisses don't stop—not really. but when he feels leon's fingers tracing his spine, he shudders just a little; the hair on the back of his neck stands on ends and he can feel the goosebumps forming all over. leon's touch is... it's something so new and different this way. it's adventurous and there's a part of his mind that wonders what it would feel like if those fingers were running down his bare back.

it causes stahn to pull back for just the briefest of moments, lips still grazing against leon's as he sucks in a quiet breath, and then exhales so their breathes intermingle. there may not be any desperation left (or very little), but there's definitely something almost carnal about the way he crashes his lips against leon's mouth again. stahn wants to be adventurous too, he wants to explore leon more, he wants to see how his lips would feel against leon's jawline, against his neck and maybe right down to his collarbone—but he is trying to exercise restraint, only increasing in intensity. his fingers tighten a little against the hair at the base of leon's neck, giving the gentlest of tugs—hardly anything that could cause pain, but all the same still displaying just how much he wants this.]

[The tug at his hair pulls another groan from Leon, a soft sound that isn't pained in the least. It doesn't hurt, but Leon can't deny that there's something about it that gets to him even so, something about that and Stahn's actions and Stahn's lips against his that makes him shudder, and press closer, and tighten his fingers in the back of Stahn's shirt, clinging tightly.

Not that he's clingy in any way, of course, except...well, right now he can't really deny that either.

Right now he wants nothing more than to cling to Stahn like this, to remain close and taste him, to see how far they can take these kisses and how different it feels to gently scrape his teeth along Stahn's bottom lip, following half-thought out instincts and nothing else.

But right now, he doesn't need anything but instinct, instinct and the knowledge that he has complete and total trust in Stahn, and that's why he's unresisting in Stahn's hands, moving with his touch without any hesitation.

They may not be good at the words aspect of things yet, but there's a lot being said even here without, though not even Leon will realize it until later, when they've recovered from their intermingled breaths and desperation to keep the moment going.]

[they can try to find those words later, when there's nothing left but being completely breathless. stahn has energy to spare if only because of the adrenaline that comes with the way the blood surges through him and warms him to the very core.

it's not as if leon is the only one feeling these urges after all. stahn trusts him just as much, which is why he's content to let his back arch just a little when leon's drag to certain sensitivity points on his back, or the small groans that escape his throat at the sensation of leon's teeth against his lips.

it's good.

it feels good, and yet somehow, it still just doesn't feel like enough. stahn really is going to use all the energy he has just because of that carnal want for leon. which is why the next time they come up for air, stahn... decides to test his limits a little. his hands slide way down to the small of leon's back so he can pull leon as close as is possible before planting kisses along the right side of leon's jaw.

he doesn't really know what he's doing at all, or if this is even acceptable, but... it's what he wants to do. there's not much thought to whether it's right or wrong, acceptable or unacceptable—it's just a desire for more of leon.]

[Leon certainly wasn't ready for it, but that doesn't change the fact that it's good. It's really good, and at first all he can do is draw in a sharp breath, more startled by the movement and sensation of Stahn's lips pressed to his jaw than anything. But it really only lasts a moment before Leon's melting into Stahn's hands and positioning, as if he was little more than putty.

The hand at his back, the kisses along his jaw... all Leon can do is tilt his head to grant Stahn better access and a better angle, eyes sliding half-shut at the pleasure. This... is nice. Beyond nice, really--beyond just the feelings of desire and want, there's the feeling too of trust and faith, the knowledge that he can lean against Stahn's chest like this as he pulls him closer and simply allow him to dole out what affection he wants, and the knowledge that even so, Stahn will take care of him. He'll respect his boundaries to the best of his abilities, he'll be cautious and caring and loving all at once. It's what Stahn's always been and what Stahn always will be, which is why Leon has absolutely no problem with completely slumping in Stahn's hold, and why the only word that legitimately escapes him, breathless as he is, is a simple, hoarse:]

Stahn...

[It's more a pleased murmur than anything; there's nothing at all alarmed about his tone.

Stahn's opening Leon's eyes to new things, as ever, and more and more, Leon's getting so much better at embracing them.]

[just the sound of leon's voice in that way is enough for him to crave just a bit more. there's something so exciting about that tone of voice—hearing leon so pleased is almost sultry in some way that stahn can't really understand.

it's the sort of sound that makes not only his cheeks flush, but he can feel the heat as his ears turn red and the way his heart races is unlike anything he's ever experienced. no battle, not even against miktran, had his heart raced in a way that he could feel the pounding in his ears. his heart itself feels like it's lodged in his throat, and there's a warm coiling in his stomach that he couldn't explain even if he tried. there's been little denying that his love for leon, but the way it stretches into an attraction like no other is something that... is new, in a way.

he's known for a while that he's attracted to leon in every way; not just in appearance but in personality too. but having leon like this, so close and unrestricted, it opens up so much of what stahn has held back. that hot-blooded teenage boy with all his desires for every sort of contact shine through when it's leon. when it's leon beneath his fingertips, when it's leon he feels against his lips, when it's leon murmuring his name like it's the only one he's ever known.

it's hard for him to help the way his hands creep up under leon's tunic and shirt alike, just to find the warmth of the skin of his back while burying his face in the crook of his neck and kissing every patch of skin his lips will reach relentlessly.]

[It's intensifying even more, and Leon chokes out a surprised (and pleased) noise when Stahn's fingers find themselves under his shirt and tunic and against his bare skin, when it's Stahn's lips against his neck with a sort of desperate desire that Leon's never been the target of before--it's so much. He can feel how it intensifies, how Stahn's actions have become the most important thing, the sole focus of his attention, and he wants to reciprocate, but there's not a lot he can do from this position aside from burying his fingers more tightly into Stahn's mane, other fingers fumbling for the hem of his shirt.

He's not particularly successful at finding it, though; admittedly he's not entirely steady right now, and Stahn's actions are taking up the majority of his attention, so he's Struggling there.

And, admittedly, his energy is finally starting to flag properly, even despite the added adrenaline and the way he feels spurred on by Stahn's actions. As much as he'd like to pursue this to the very end, and see just where it'd lead them-- (he has ideas, of course, because he's not clueless, and he finds he'd be alright with that, but he knows he won't make it there) --but...well, this isn't the last of it, right? This is only the beginning, and now that the gates have been opened, they can revisit this again, whenever they want.

So ultimately, even with his breathing still unsteady, he just lets his head fall until his forehead gently hits Stahn's shoulder, focusing on breathing there for a moment. He certainly doesn't want to stop Stahn in any way, but... it's pretty apparent even so that he's starting to run out of steam.

(And that's a note to himself: maybe consider starting this a second time when not coming home from a dangerous and harrowing mission, when he has more energy.)]

[the thing about stahn is that even at a time like this, even when he's so enraptured with everything leon has to offer... he's still also intensely aware of what leon needs.

even as stahn plants those kisses along leon's jaw and neck, even as his hands explore the skin beneath his shirt, he can't help but to notice the dip in leon's energy. when his head dips against stahn's shoulder, it doesn't take long for him to realize that he needs to scale back a bit himself.

it's different than other times, and for a lot of reasons. it's not just the fact that leon has allowed stahn to push the boundaries, and it's not just that stahn can feel excitement in ways that he never has with and for leon. it's that even as stahn explores, there's not even a shred of hesitation. his surprise noise wasn't laced with some sort of balking disagreement; there was consent. there hasn't been a single moment where leon has resisted or been too embarrassed... something has changed in a way that is a definitely step forward for them. there's a lot of thoughts that exist in his mind too—where this would go if leon were to allow him to continue, mostly. not that he doesn't know, but that step is a big one for both of them.

but it's also the fact that leon isn't maintaining the same pace. stahn can feel the slight change in his posture and the way he remains with his head on stahn's shoulder.

leon's tired.

it makes sense, he just came back from a long mission; he doesn't even know what prompted leon to be so forceful upon his return to begin with. so even though stahn would be content to keep going, to ignore these facts until leon told him to stop (because he would never continue without that consent), but that's not in his nature. even though his lips remain only a hair's breadth from leon's skin, he pauses, nuzzling a little more affectionately.]

We don't have to keep going. [there's no disappointment in his tone; even though he's breathless and that impassioned desire for leon remains in his voice, it's still stahn. he still cares more for leon's well-being than anything else. he can pull himself down from this aroused high and keep the boundaries in check until it's time to make an honest go of things.] You don't have to push yourself too hard.

[He is tired.

He doesn't want to be tired, exactly, because there's a part of him that wants to pursue this. There's a part of him that wants to see what's going to happen from here. There's a part of him that would like to know exactly where those more frantic touches were going, where Stahn's lips pressed frantically against his skin would end up...

The very thought makes him shiver once more, though he knows that even with just that reaction, he can't continue with this tonight. He's too tired, too exhausted. And so, quietly, he breathes out a soft, shuddering breath, and nods quietly. Of course Stahn is being as understanding as ever. Of course Stahn is always looking out for him.

Isn't this why he put himself so easily into Stahn's hands even now?

The acknowledging noise he makes is deep int he back of his throat, still a little raspy from what they'd just both experienced together. Even if he still wishes he could keep pursuing this for his own reasons...he knows this is for the better.

Tonight, anyway. Tomorrow was another day entirely, wasn't it?]

...Stahn. [There's still something undeniably sultry about how Stahn's name escapes Leon's lips, because Leon's still hoarse from their intense activities before--but he definitely is caving to his weariness now. Even if he feels a little apologetic even so, there's just a wry quirk to his lips.] ...I suppose I was more tired than I thought.

[He's a little sorry, in other words, even if he isn't going to pull away from Stahn's grasp at all.]

[he hears the apology that comes through in those words, and all stahn can do for a moment his let out a small laugh right into leon's neck.

stahn isn't going to let go; his hands are still pressed warmly to leon's skin. but he will pull back just enough so that he can look at leon directly. his gaze has softened to that more gentle warmth that he usually has; even if everything else about him is a totally disheveled mess. he's still a bit breathless, his cheeks are still flushed, lips raw and his hair is a total disaster...

but his smile is warm assuring, and all he does is give a simple shake of his head.]

It was a long mission... I should have thought about that too. [he'd been so enthralled with how things were going that he pushed it from his mind, even though all the while he should have been more considerate of leon's well-being.] I don't want you to push yourself.

[this time, it's stahn who leans forward, shifting his position so that he can just hug leon and rest his chin on leon's shoulder. he's coming down now from that haze, and even though that desire is not gone, he can put it to the side. there's a lot they need to acknowledge before taking that step anyway—so rushing into it tonight out of some desperate desire for affection wouldn't have been their wisest move anyway. stahn heaves out a quiet breath, and while it's not outright disappointment, it's... vaguely uncomfortable.

funny, how forcing yourself down from that kind of excitement has that effect.

but he's not letting it get the better of him.]

I'm happy you're home... I'm just happy for you to be back. [that much is the truth and an undoubted reason for why stahn took to that fiery approach so easily. but now that they're speaking again and settling just slightly more into something familiar, it makes stahn want to do little more than pick leon up and carry him to the bed so they can just lay there together and be absorbed in the other's presence.] Everything else can wait.

[Stahn's...always so warm and considerate. Always, and forever. So even with how Stahn's disheveled appearance speeds up Leon's pulse (he can feel it, he can feel the way his breathing picks up despite himself, how he wants to start something again even with how his limbs groan a little--), Leon can only slump against Stahn's chest, into the hug.

It's warm and comfortable, and he can only sigh at that, softly, allowing himself to settle properly.

It's fine... they can talk it over, perhaps, and figure out what they want from here (even though it was pretty clear just a few moments ago that they both want this--but maybe they can figure out together what they want "this" to be) and then...next time.

Next time, they'll both be more prepared.]

Mm. [He can only acknowledge that with a soft hum, relaxing bit by bit.] As I said, it is good to be back.

[...The physical affection took the edge off of his desperation, but when he thinks back to what could have happened, his fingers tighten again in Stahn's shirt, even as he tightens his hold. He's so glad to be back here with Stahn.... more so than he thinks Stahn could ever really know.]

But even so, I do not intend to wait for long.

[There's that for certain, even if it's only said quietly. Maybe this can wait, but... only for a little while. Leon fully intends to revisit this when they're both ready and capable, at first opportunity.]

When you're ready... when you're rested. I'm not going anywhere.

[those words are as true as ever, of course. he'll always wait for leon no matter what the circumstance. so if it's that they're waiting for what this will become, stahn can be patient as ever. he can put his wants on the backburner longer, because... well, they're still making progress.

rather than awkwardly skirting the issue, they're acknowledging the things they want. it's a huge step forward for them both, and one that he wants to ensure leon is always completely comfortable with from start to finish. knowing the issues leon has, knowing how hard it was to even get to a point where they could do something as innocent as hug without it being laced with awkward tension—leon's comfort is always at the forefront of stahn's mind, even when things get heated and he wants to turn his brain off entirely.

that's why when he feels leon's fingers curling against his shirt, the concern starts to properly well up inside him.]

Leon... [he'll say, after a brief pause.] Did... something happen on your mission?

[he realizes that something has to be off. the way leon came in and kissed him so aggressively, how he initiated and never once seemed to pull away or hesitate, it felt desperate. and even now, with how leon is holding onto him.

...something had to have happened.]

[... Maybe he should've kept up the kisses, and whatever it was going to lead to instead--maybe that would've kept Stahn blissful and brainless and would've kept this topic off the table. But now that Stahn's head is back on straight, Leon can't say that he's particularly surprised that he picked up on Leon's fears and desperation.

By now, nobody really knows Leon better than Stahn.

Quietly, he presses his face more thoroughly into Stahn's shoulder, taking a deep breath. It's fine... it's just Stahn, he's here and Leon's fine as well, fine and safe, and so Leon nods simply as well, because he can't imagine keeping this from Stahn.

His tone is as calm as he can manage, when he finally pulls back from Stahn's shoulder to meet his eyes and speak, though the hoarseness in his tone is more from the subject matter than their previous activities now.]

Yes...rather--it was a surprisingly dangerous mission.

[A pause, and he clears his throat quietly.]

... There was a close call. [He almost wasn't able to come home.] That is all.

[He was frightened by the thought, and needed to embrace every aspect of Stahn while he had the opportunity to do so.]

[the level of honesty is something that stahn can appreciate. there was a time when leon would have scoffed and shrugged him off, or gotten angry for even asking.

but right now, leon is front of him—raw and completely honest, even over a subject matter that is hard for both of them to have to face. there's a slight hitch in stahn's breath when he hears those words—"it was a close call."

a close call, he knows, means that leon may not have ever come home. stahn may have been greeted with a message from the seinegald military that leon had been killed in action, and that he may never had gotten to see leon alive again. it's the scariest thought, because while stahn may be a pocket of sunshine in everyone else's life...

leon is the sunshine in his.

stahn knows that these things are possible, that things are dangerous that the nature of leon's work means that. but living in his optimistic bubble, he chooses to believe that leon is always strong enough to defeat even the toughest of foes. so hearing leon say that is difficult, because it's a hard, scary does of reality.

it's also one that explains the desperation in leon's actions.]

I— [stahn hesitates slightly, trying to figure out the right words to say.

but in the end, all stahn can do is shift to cup leon's cheeks in his hands and look him straight in the eyes. he leans in, his lips pressing to leon's in the most gentle of manner—a far cry from their impassioned kissing from just a few minutes earlier.]

Thank you... for coming home.

[Leon's eyes slide shut as Stahn cups his cheeks and gently presses his lips to his. It's reassuring and warm, and it's all Leon really needs to finally properly settle. The desperate kissing and physical affection from before helped in keeping Leon from falling completely into any sort of despair. But now, it's that gentle, sweet, and most of all reassuring sort of kiss that settles Leon completely.

Quietly, he leans into that kiss, and when Stahn pulls away, Leon's able to properly meet his eyes, nodding jerkily. It was a close call. It could have gone totally wrong. He could have died.

But he didn't.

He was able to return home, he was able to return to Stahn, and quietly, Leon slowly releases his desperate grip on Stahn's shirt and relaxes further, hand settling instead on Stahn's back lightly, flat and unhurried.]

I will always return. [So long as he's able to.

Whenever he possibly can--he'll give everything he has, and fight incredibly hard, to return home to this, to Stahn and his warmth and everything Leon loves.]

It was simply...startling. [A reminder. A realization.

The reason for why he took that next step in their relationship.]

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