realpolitik | Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron

[Ah yes, the leaks... Judas snorts vaguely at that, too, and shakes his head. And when he finally does speak, after musing for a bit, it's not about their mutual past or the Swordians or anything serious at all.

Instead--]

That had ought to be your next project, when the rain stops. Patching those holes with plaster would not be too difficult or expensive.

[Problem solving!!!]

It does add up after a while, though. We have to wait until we don't think there'll be rain for a bit.

[the truth of the matter is that finances are really pretty tight. they're not living in total poverty, but most of the money they got as stipend from their heroics has long since gone into maintaining the orphanage and feeding so many kids.

stahn doesn't love it either, but with how much needs repairing, it's a bit of a slow process.]

Hm.

[Judas is quiet for a moment at that, before he nods simply.]

Leave the buckets where they are when the rain has stopped so I know where the holes are.

[He's got some things he'd like to poke around with and try.]

Eh? Oh... uh, sure...

[he'll tell rutee and the kids not to move them?? he's giving judas a puzzled look though, because what is he thinking of right now?]

Good.

[It's something he'll take care of tomorrow. While Judas knows there are a lot of problems he can't fix here at the orphanage... he feels like he'd like to at least try to fix the ones he can.]

I will see what I can do about it. [With his 5000 dumb random skills.]

Eh? Do you have a way to fix it, Emilio?

[wh...at? clearly, stahn is baffled. what kind of other tricks are you hiding up your sleeve?]

...Perhaps.

[He just shakes his head, crossing his arms vaguely.]

I would not put too much stake into it as of yet. I am not completely certain.

[But maybe. It's worth trying.]

If you have an idea, I'm sure it'll probably work. You're pretty amazing at that kind of thing... you always were.

[he believes in judas, unsurprisingly.]

...Honestly.

[So much faith!!!]

Do not expect too much from me in that case. I am just a child at an orphanage now, remember?

[It's said in relatively good humor; he knows he has 50000 skills that he totally shouldn't have, and he'll never be "just a kid at an orphanage", but he's certainly not wearing a fancy title anymore.]

[stahn knows he's teasing, but stahn still can't help but to make a face that resembles pouting.]

You're family, and everyone in this family works hard and does their best. [so even if he wants to play the "just a kid at an orphanage" card, stahn still has a rebuttal.]

[Hm.

It's a pretty good answer, and unsurprising coming from Stahn, but still.

He still thinks Stahn has far too much faith in him. Still, he doesn't really have an answer to that, so he just shakes his head.]

I suppose that is true, yes.

[He can't deny it, not when he knows who is all in this family.]

That's why I know you'll do great with whatever you have in mind.

[stahn grins, because he believes in judas so wholly. while he does that though, he's stretching and bending his knee slowly; for a moment, his gaze shifts towards the window.]

Hopefully this rain won't last too much longer.

... It won't.

[He says that much with some certainty, because...well, he's more optimistic than he was before.

He can believe that it won't last longer now. He knows that no matter how troublesome or dark the rain can be, they'll be fine. The sun will come back out.

(And he's fine--because he has a sun right here next to him.)]

And even this will be fine. [Even the rain...it won't bother him for long when he can talk with Stahn like this.]

[it's really... warm and refreshing to hear something like that from judas, honestly. it's so simple but yet so honest.

there was a time when he would have insisted it was fine, but only because he was closing himself off. now he is the one who can see the positive in things, and it feels really nice.]

Mm, you're right. I can feel the aches going away already too just thinking about it.

[He's not really surprised that Stahn's capable of being that enthusiastically optimistic, in comparison to Judas' barely-there optimism, but at least he sounds confident enough.

That helps.

So quietly, Judas nods, and simply:]

They will go away. [They both know that by now--they always do. But... even more than the physical aches... so too will the ache that comes of Chaltier being gone, Judas knows, even if it's been a slow process, which is why quietly, he adds:]

...All of them.

[stahn knows. he knows, and he understands, and that's why he's a little more subdued when he speaks again.]

Time will make it easier, Emilio. [he's gentle when he speaks, because he can tell just from the shift in tone that judas is still struggling hard with that pain—and he knows it's because there hasn't yet been enough time for it to heal.]

Just... try to remember that Chaltier wouldn't want you to be in pain for his sake. It's okay to be sad about it. You should be, because he was your partner. But... he would want you to heal sooner.

[He knows that everything Stahn's saying is true. He knows that Chal wouldn't want him to mourn, he was happy to rejoin his friends and loved ones and rest. And Chal of all people certainly deserved to be able to rest. In that sense, it's selfish to be sad over it.

But he is even so.

Because Chal had been there his entire life, and now that he doesn't have him, even when he thought he was done leaning on him, it was a bit like missing a limb. He kept reaching for it, expecting Chal to be there, and he never is. Sometimes, he almost says things out loud to him, but after a few months to adjust to Chal being gone, he's at least managed to nip that habit in the bud.

Quietly, he nods.]

I know. With regards to that... I will do the best I can.

[To heal as quickly as he can. To stop moping, and being depressed over something that basically happened in another lifetime.]

I am aware that...this is a different life entirely. I do not intend to allow my previous ones to weigh me down.

You don't have to rush your way through it. No matter what, these things take time.

[he knows that, and he doesn't want judas to feel like he needs to rush himself through the mourning process for anyone else's sake. even that mentioning what chaltier would want for him—it's not meant to be a form of pressure.]

But I thought... maybe remembering that would help. It was like that for me too, to remember that Dymlos wouldn't want me to dwell on it for a long time either. [it's more of a mild encouragement, at least... stahn thinks so.

he wants judas to go at his own pace and let his wounds heal in the way he needs to—he doesn't really want to make him feel as if there's a pressing need to "get over it" or move past it. if he needs to mope or feel depressed...

then stahn knows that he'll just want to be the one who sits across from judas, or next to him and lets him be that way until he feels ready to lift his head an move forward.]

Your previous lives... they're still part of you. They'll never go away; they're what make you who you are. So it's okay if you need time. You still have a long life ahead of you here, Emilio.

[Honestly.

Stahn's always been caring, but all of these years have just made him even more doting and fond. He's so calm and dependable. Sometimes, Judas can feel himself falling into the lull of security that Stahn gives to all of the kids at the orphanage--which he then has to shake himself out of, because he's not a child.

Still. It's so easy to do.

Wryly, Judas shakes his head. Even if that's true...]

There is any number of better uses of my time now. Even if I have nothing but time now... I would rather put it to good use.

... I've discovered that it is all too easy to run out. [Of time, that is... he won't make that mistake again.]

Yeah... I won't say you're wrong about that.

[he's learned that too so many times over the years. time is fleeting. people could be there and gone in a flash, and you never knew when they would go, either.]

Just as long as you're not pushing yourself. Don't force it... because even if you want to use your time in other ways... It won't really heal or get better if you just try to ignore it.

[stahn laughs quietly, and maybe almost a little bitterly as he remembers some of his own past. they're things he never spoke about before, he grew to just accept them, but they're still there, scars that never healed quite properly.] I learned that for myself... it's not something I'm telling you just because it sounds good.

[... You know, Stahn doesn't have to say much more for Leon to have a pretty good idea that he knows of at least one of those things he's talking about.

He's quiet for a moment, considering, before he finally nods, resolutely. He won't bring it up.

Instead, he'll just go ahead and try to comfort Stahn as best he can through making him worry less.]

I will be certain...to do what mourning I must. If nothing else, Chal deserves that much.

[it's not something stahn would mind talking about at this point—it's been long enough. but remembering it can be hard all the same. so if judas doesn't ask, stahn won't push the sentiments on him further.

he won't say things judas doesn't want to be reminded of, because in a way, it may only hurt him more, right?]

I want you to do whatever you think you need to. I just want to make sure you don't end up hurting yourself more... I want...

I want you to be able to leave that kind of pain with the lives that are also left behind. Some things will always stay, and those things makes you you. But that doesn't mean you have to invite any more hurt into your heart.

[At the very least, Judas has a great deal more poise than Leon ever did; he's able to absorb all of that relatively gracefully, simply nodding in response. He's been the guiding force for so long lately that it still feels odd to be encouraged and helped by someone else, but... that's how it is.

With Stahn, things are different, and he can accept that.]

I understand.

[Putting it into practice is easier said than done, but at least he understands what Stahn's getting at here.]

I believe...the trip will help.

[To at least close that part of his past away a bit more.]

Mm, I think it will too. That's why we'll go as soon as we can. I'm sure that won't be hard to set up.

[rutee will absolutely understand, he's sure of that much.]

You'll be stronger for it in the end, Emilio. You're already really strong, but this... I think it'll help even more.

[he can't turn off his dad senses or his best friend senses. like, at all.]

[... Strong, huh. It'd been all he was striving for for so long--to be stronger than Hugo, strong enough to stand on his own... and then to be strong enough to protect, and strong enough to take care of Kyle and the others.

Now...?

He supposes he'd like to be strong enough to protect his family here, but... that's not really his role or purpose, he feels.

He's not here to fight anymore, or to protect. He's here.... well, maybe it's to fill holes in the ceiling, and to help with the grocery shopping, and to cook and to use what hundred little random skills he's obtained to help out here.]

I'm not interested in being much stronger.

[It's... honestly a huge change from how he was, but he just offers a faint, quiet smile, barely visible.]

But I believe it will help as well. I will look forward to the trip.

[Traveling alone with Stahn again after so long--he'll look forward to that too.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject