realpolitik | Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron

[It's really just like Stahn again to be like this. He sees Judas at less than 100%, and he wants to fix it. That's how Stahn functions.

Judas thinks that sometimes it's okay for him to be at less that 100%--that sometimes he'll be melancholic or less than content, and that's fine.

But for now, he'll humor Stahn.]

If you're thinking that you'll placate me with an indoor game like you do the children, you'll be disappointed.

[he knows that he can't fix judas to 100%; stahn himself has those moments too, and he's had so many over the years that he knows it's not possible.

but still, he wants to at least lighten the load, and keep judas' mind off the worst if his mind starts going to a bit of a darker place.]

No... but maybe sometimes you don't have to bear it alone. We can just talk like this, or do something else if there's something you'd like.

[It sure is a lot harder to rile Stahn up these days, now that he's all adult-y and dad-like.

Judas just hums quietly under his breath at that, thoughtful, before he nods. You know? That honestly doesn't sound bad.]

Very well then. I won't protest, if that is what you'd prefer.

[Doing something with Stahn, talking with Stahn... it's not like he could ever really argue that, for all that he pretends.]

Mm... I'd like it a lot.

[for so many reasons.] We... have a lot of time to make up for, don't we? Eighteen years is a lot of time to lose.

[he says it lightly; he's not trying to drag the mood down—it's gentle teasing just to say that he wants to spend more time with judas. he's always willing—there's no doubt he prefers it.]

[He quirks an eyebrow at that, somewhat amused by that sort of statement--in a lot of ways, it doesn't make any sense at all, since Judas shouldn't even be here right now.

In other ways, though, he agrees.

Eighteen years is a long time, and there's honestly still a lot he'd like to know about that time--so he nods to the chair by him.]

Take a seat, then. We may as well talk, if you are so carefree that you can hover around me.

[He's just teasing, really... he's happy that Stahn always comes to check on him, and though he's sure Rutee won't always be happy about the slacking--she's never said anything when it comes to Stahn looking out for him, and he knows that that's her way of looking out for him too.]

[rutee can deal with it.

(or stahn can deal with it later once everyone's gone to sleep; for all their bickering, they never really fight in front of the kids over things like this. rutee and stahn both respect each other too much to give the kids any idea that one parent has more authority, after all.)]

I didn't really have much else to do anyway. The kids really do think finding leaks is some kind of game. [probably because there are always new ones to patch up. in any case, it leaves him free enough to take a seat, almost immediately leaning back a bit and stretching out one leg a bit.] I definitely have time to just talk for a while.

[especially when it's judas.]

[Ah yes, the leaks... Judas snorts vaguely at that, too, and shakes his head. And when he finally does speak, after musing for a bit, it's not about their mutual past or the Swordians or anything serious at all.

Instead--]

That had ought to be your next project, when the rain stops. Patching those holes with plaster would not be too difficult or expensive.

[Problem solving!!!]

It does add up after a while, though. We have to wait until we don't think there'll be rain for a bit.

[the truth of the matter is that finances are really pretty tight. they're not living in total poverty, but most of the money they got as stipend from their heroics has long since gone into maintaining the orphanage and feeding so many kids.

stahn doesn't love it either, but with how much needs repairing, it's a bit of a slow process.]

Hm.

[Judas is quiet for a moment at that, before he nods simply.]

Leave the buckets where they are when the rain has stopped so I know where the holes are.

[He's got some things he'd like to poke around with and try.]

Eh? Oh... uh, sure...

[he'll tell rutee and the kids not to move them?? he's giving judas a puzzled look though, because what is he thinking of right now?]

Good.

[It's something he'll take care of tomorrow. While Judas knows there are a lot of problems he can't fix here at the orphanage... he feels like he'd like to at least try to fix the ones he can.]

I will see what I can do about it. [With his 5000 dumb random skills.]

Eh? Do you have a way to fix it, Emilio?

[wh...at? clearly, stahn is baffled. what kind of other tricks are you hiding up your sleeve?]

...Perhaps.

[He just shakes his head, crossing his arms vaguely.]

I would not put too much stake into it as of yet. I am not completely certain.

[But maybe. It's worth trying.]

If you have an idea, I'm sure it'll probably work. You're pretty amazing at that kind of thing... you always were.

[he believes in judas, unsurprisingly.]

...Honestly.

[So much faith!!!]

Do not expect too much from me in that case. I am just a child at an orphanage now, remember?

[It's said in relatively good humor; he knows he has 50000 skills that he totally shouldn't have, and he'll never be "just a kid at an orphanage", but he's certainly not wearing a fancy title anymore.]

[stahn knows he's teasing, but stahn still can't help but to make a face that resembles pouting.]

You're family, and everyone in this family works hard and does their best. [so even if he wants to play the "just a kid at an orphanage" card, stahn still has a rebuttal.]

[Hm.

It's a pretty good answer, and unsurprising coming from Stahn, but still.

He still thinks Stahn has far too much faith in him. Still, he doesn't really have an answer to that, so he just shakes his head.]

I suppose that is true, yes.

[He can't deny it, not when he knows who is all in this family.]

That's why I know you'll do great with whatever you have in mind.

[stahn grins, because he believes in judas so wholly. while he does that though, he's stretching and bending his knee slowly; for a moment, his gaze shifts towards the window.]

Hopefully this rain won't last too much longer.

... It won't.

[He says that much with some certainty, because...well, he's more optimistic than he was before.

He can believe that it won't last longer now. He knows that no matter how troublesome or dark the rain can be, they'll be fine. The sun will come back out.

(And he's fine--because he has a sun right here next to him.)]

And even this will be fine. [Even the rain...it won't bother him for long when he can talk with Stahn like this.]

[it's really... warm and refreshing to hear something like that from judas, honestly. it's so simple but yet so honest.

there was a time when he would have insisted it was fine, but only because he was closing himself off. now he is the one who can see the positive in things, and it feels really nice.]

Mm, you're right. I can feel the aches going away already too just thinking about it.

[He's not really surprised that Stahn's capable of being that enthusiastically optimistic, in comparison to Judas' barely-there optimism, but at least he sounds confident enough.

That helps.

So quietly, Judas nods, and simply:]

They will go away. [They both know that by now--they always do. But... even more than the physical aches... so too will the ache that comes of Chaltier being gone, Judas knows, even if it's been a slow process, which is why quietly, he adds:]

...All of them.

[stahn knows. he knows, and he understands, and that's why he's a little more subdued when he speaks again.]

Time will make it easier, Emilio. [he's gentle when he speaks, because he can tell just from the shift in tone that judas is still struggling hard with that pain—and he knows it's because there hasn't yet been enough time for it to heal.]

Just... try to remember that Chaltier wouldn't want you to be in pain for his sake. It's okay to be sad about it. You should be, because he was your partner. But... he would want you to heal sooner.

[He knows that everything Stahn's saying is true. He knows that Chal wouldn't want him to mourn, he was happy to rejoin his friends and loved ones and rest. And Chal of all people certainly deserved to be able to rest. In that sense, it's selfish to be sad over it.

But he is even so.

Because Chal had been there his entire life, and now that he doesn't have him, even when he thought he was done leaning on him, it was a bit like missing a limb. He kept reaching for it, expecting Chal to be there, and he never is. Sometimes, he almost says things out loud to him, but after a few months to adjust to Chal being gone, he's at least managed to nip that habit in the bud.

Quietly, he nods.]

I know. With regards to that... I will do the best I can.

[To heal as quickly as he can. To stop moping, and being depressed over something that basically happened in another lifetime.]

I am aware that...this is a different life entirely. I do not intend to allow my previous ones to weigh me down.

You don't have to rush your way through it. No matter what, these things take time.

[he knows that, and he doesn't want judas to feel like he needs to rush himself through the mourning process for anyone else's sake. even that mentioning what chaltier would want for him—it's not meant to be a form of pressure.]

But I thought... maybe remembering that would help. It was like that for me too, to remember that Dymlos wouldn't want me to dwell on it for a long time either. [it's more of a mild encouragement, at least... stahn thinks so.

he wants judas to go at his own pace and let his wounds heal in the way he needs to—he doesn't really want to make him feel as if there's a pressing need to "get over it" or move past it. if he needs to mope or feel depressed...

then stahn knows that he'll just want to be the one who sits across from judas, or next to him and lets him be that way until he feels ready to lift his head an move forward.]

Your previous lives... they're still part of you. They'll never go away; they're what make you who you are. So it's okay if you need time. You still have a long life ahead of you here, Emilio.

[Honestly.

Stahn's always been caring, but all of these years have just made him even more doting and fond. He's so calm and dependable. Sometimes, Judas can feel himself falling into the lull of security that Stahn gives to all of the kids at the orphanage--which he then has to shake himself out of, because he's not a child.

Still. It's so easy to do.

Wryly, Judas shakes his head. Even if that's true...]

There is any number of better uses of my time now. Even if I have nothing but time now... I would rather put it to good use.

... I've discovered that it is all too easy to run out. [Of time, that is... he won't make that mistake again.]

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