realpolitik | Leon Magnus | Stahn Aileron

[Leon just makes another muffled, aggravated noise.

But.

Then he shakes his head.

No.

No it wasn't too much.

But he doesn't really know how to put that into words for Stahn, so hopefully he can just feel the shaking of Leon's head, because he's mortified to admit that...well.

He liked it.]

[is he... shaking his head?

it seems like it, but it's kind of hard for stahn to tell in this position. but he'll take the guess and try to speak where leon can't. isn't that what he should be able to do?]

Then... is it...

[okay.

maybe that's harder for stahn to say out loud than he thought.

why does it feel so much more provocative like this? what's done is done already, but still.]

Did...

[his voice sounds surprisingly small; he's definitely embarrassed here too.]

Did you like it?

[They're both embarrassed here, and if Stahn thinks he's going to get a sincere response to that, Stahn needs to rethink things here.

Leon's being a lot more open and honest than usual, yes, but he's too embarrassed by this by far; he makes a small noise, more an "ugh" than anything at the fact that Stahn even asked, and then...he doesn't say anything, barely breathing.

But.

The fact that he isn't outright and clearly proclaiming that he didn't like it?

It's pretty obvious even so, coming from Leon.]

[okay, he should have expected that.

it is pretty telling, but all that does is embarrass stahn more, honestly. he doesn't know what he looked like in that position, but it couldn't have been bad if leon liked it, right?

right?

he doesn't know. all stahn knows is he can't resist the urge to bury his face into leon's chest; leon can probably feel the heat from how much he's blushing right now.]

I hope you liked it. [he mumbles, quieter than before. ugh.

ughhh.

he's embarrassed, and he's pretty sure this is the most embarrassed he's ever been in front of leon ever.] Because... I did.

[yeah, he's sure spitting out that last one really fast and rushed, too, as if that's the only way he can admit how much he enjoyed leon's taste and being able to make him moan that way.]

[It's embarrassing for the both of them, that's for sure--Leon can feel Stahn bury his warm face into his chest and for a long moment, he's quiet. He's reeling a little from the realization that he really did like seeing Stahn that way...and the realization as well that Stahn liked it too.

Stahn... liked it?

Stahn liked... what he did? And how that felt? It's hard to imagine for someone as picky and troublesome as Leon, and in a way that embarrasses him too, but...

If Stahn liked it too, then... that's fine.

It's definitely fine. And he draws in a slow breath, letting it out slowly and only a little shakily.]

Then... it is fine. We...are in agreement here, so there is no need to be concerned with it.

Ri... right.

[stahn breathes out the word quietly. there's nothing to be concerned about. they're old enough to make these choices, and if they're both happy about this, then it's okay.

somehow, embarrassed as he is, he feels a bit settled in hearing leon say that. which... well, it really only makes him nuzzle in closer.]

I never.. really thought about these things before.

[he'll admit sheepishly; really, he only admits it because it's leon and because he thinks that maybe it'll clear up any notion that stahn has any idea what he's doing here.

this is all so new to him and while he's known for a while that he's attracted to leon and wanted to eventually be intimate with him, he never thought about what that entailed. and he certainly never thought about using his mouth that way, or that he would taste everything leon had to offer.

it's new. it's so new and he doesn't really know much about what to think of it either.

(aside from that he likes it and would do it again. and again. and again.)]

[Honestly? The longer they remain here, as the happy afterglow fades away, the more aware Leon is that they're sticky and gross.

But he's trying really hard not to ruin the moment, after what happened the last time he did, so instead he remains and suffers.

Stahn's words are a pretty good distraction, though. He knew that Stahn had never thought about it, of course, because he's Stahn--that's a given. Stahn had never done things like this before with anyone else. Stahn would only do this sort of thing with someone special. He's a sap like that.

In contrast... Leon hasn't done this before either, but it was solely a matter of trust. Now that he's fully and completely given Stahn his trust? It really doesn't matter what he wants to do.

Leon trusts him, so Leon will do it.

So in response to that, he just quietly clears his throat.]

... Yes, well. I was somewhat aware of many of these situations, but... [Look, being around soldiers all his life has done wonders for the things he's aware of, sexually.]

I have no interest in any of this aside from with you. Whatever it is we decide to do...

[He just breathes out then, calmly, settled and certain now.]

I will be satisfied with that.

[the afterglow is remaining just a little longer for stahn, but at least if leon is to suggest that they clean up, it'll be okay. they're together, and they can clean up together too. it's a little different than the blunt way that leon left before.

but that still has to wait a bit, because what leon says seems to strike something in him. it's not really that surprising to him that leon would be more informed about these things despite his lack of experience—to him, leon is smart and worldly, so it makes sense that he would know things stahn doesn't, even about this.

stahn grew up on a farm, after all. he was raised with pretty traditional values and while who he loves isn't an issue, he does believe in only giving his all this way to someone he loves. leon is special to him in every single way, and he wants to give everything to him for that reason.]

Yeah. If... if it's you, then it's okay. [quietly, he'll admit that.

it's not as if stahn really has any doubts about it, and it's not like there was really any other option. but when he's feeling so sheepish and embarrassed for how much they've exposed so quickly, it brings him a certain kind of calm.

—funny how that goes, that somehow, stahn is the one that ends up a bit scandalized by things, but his sheltered ways contribute to that a lot.]

I don't know what else will happen... I'm still trying to figure it out.

But... if I can make you happy, then I'll do whatever it takes. [it's...

well, it's a very stahn sort of admission. it's earnest and sentimental, it's sincere and full of love—he doesn't just mean in bed, after all. not entirely, even if that's mostly what he means right now.]

[It's an incredibly pure sentiment from stahn. That stahn would do whatever it takes to make Leon happy....that he'd give his all to do just that when he's still so uncertain about this entire situation...

Leon pulls away from Stahn's hair, but just to lean down, reaching out with a hand to gently lift his chin away from Leon's chest.

And then gently, he presses his lips to Stahn's, trying his best to be reassuring.]

If it is only with you, then I have no issues with whatever it may be that we decide to do.

[That much he's certain of.]

And I will not lead you astray.

[well.

well.

okay, if there's one thing in this world that stahn doesn't expect, it's for leon to say something so pure and sentimental. he's used to leon giving him gentle, assuring kisses (and they always work), but with words?

with words, it's so unfamiliar in the best way possible, and that's why there's a brief moment where surprise lines his features, though it melts into a warm, content smile.]

I know. If it's you... I know you won't. [he believes that wholeheartedly; there's never been a single time in his life where his trust in leon has faltered, and now is no exception.] I wouldn't trust anyone else with it but...

I trust you, Emilio. [that he can say even more earnestly, because he trusts leon with every part of him, head to toe and inside-out.]

[Leon's not even aware of how sentimental what he said even was. To him, it was just simple, clear assurance. He won't lead Stahn astray, of course. So he's just telling the truth here. That's all there was to it.

Stahn is too important to him to ever do something like that.

The very thought is too terrible to contemplate, especially when someone as pure and kind as Stahn is...well, pushing his own boundaries for Leon's sake.

So he just glances away, a little sheepish by the look on Stahn's face, but otherwise, he doesn't complain, and he won't argue. After all... they trust each other.

That's a conclusion they both came to over the course of these sessions in intimacy.]

... I know.

[And... Leon trusts Stahn too.

He just can't say it, even now.]

The rest...shall be taken at our own pace.

[fortunately, leon doesn't really need to say it. he doesn't need to say those words, because stahn already knows it.

if leon didn't trust him, he'd never have allowed stahn to do any of the things they done up to this point. not the kisses, not the embraces, not the tender touches and certain not what stahn's done with his mouth. so he knows, he knows without a single word that leon trusts him more than anything.]

Right.

[while leon's gaze is averted, stahn can't help but to lean in, lightly pressing his lips to leon's cheek. it's... innocent, considering all else that they've done up to this point, but it's just another one of those small, earnest expressions of his feelings.

he doesn't need leon to say it.

leon doesn't need to say anything, because stahn's trust in him assures that he already knows the truth.]

...I won't lead you astray either. [it's not a phrase stahn would typically say, but it's something he thinks needs to be said.] Not here, and not with anything else either.

[...and that's the touch that makes it stahn's own. because he doesn't just mean intimately, he means it with all of his heart, about everything that connects them. ]

And... I won't let you go astray. [another touch; a quiet, and maybe slightly possessive way of saying that he'll never let leon leave, that he won't let him strike out on his own or do anything that he'll regret.]

[... Huh.

That's quite the oath Stahn's making there--because it is an oath. It's a pact, sealed in sweat and heated passion, sealed in gentle kisses and caring. It's a pact that Leon can't ignore, and one that he knows he won't be able to break. Their promises to be together, to protect each other, to not go astray and not lead the other astray.

To not let each other go astray.

It's almost more binding than a marriage would be, but Leon doesn't think of it that way. All he can think is that...this is a promise he's willing to make, and one he'll uphold with all of his being.

So he lifts his gaze to meet Stahn's properly, and seals the oath with a kiss, lingering but chaste.]

I understand.

[He promises too.]

I will hold you to that.

[And he accepts Stahn's promise as well.]

And that will be enough.

[He knows they'll be just fine from here.]

[stahn doesn't see it that way either.

marriage is something he has a pretty narrow view of; a ceremony held in front of others, longstanding traditions that are more expectations than anything else. he's already put that notion aside after the conversation they had the night before.

but this...

it's something special.

though leon doesn't use his words directly, the words he does use are ones he knows well—they're promises being made and accepted. it's leon agreeing to the vow he's making, and it's leon holding him to his own.

it's them both agreeing that they're in this for the long haul.

—this is love, isn't it? because stahn knows that he can trust that promise. he'll return that kiss, and when they pull back, his smile will be soft and full of warm love.]

Mm. I won't let you down.

[he won't break his promise.]

...Thank you.

[for loving him and being so willing to prove that he's worth all of this.]

[The kiss is warm and perfect, and Leon leans into it willingly before he settles back against the mattress. There's no denying that he's satisfied and content; the look on his face makes it more than clear enough, just as Stahn's expression does the same.

And that's enough.

They love each other. Like this, they're content. Like this... they're sworn to each other, even if in their own way.

And they're happy. Isn't that the most important part?]

There's no reason to thank me. This sort of thing... I am more than willing to do so.

[He's happy for moments like these now... even if he still can't say so.]

... Regardless, we should also consider cleaning ourselves up.

[It's getting kind of gross.]

I have every reason to thank you. Because... you're you.

[and for stahn, that's everything. leon is leon. he's serious and pragmatic, he has a hard time expressing himself, he's clinical and he doesn't mince words. he's strong and talented, he's smart to an intimidated level, and he has more potential than anyone stahn has ever met.

but leon is also caring and warm. he's thoughtful and pensive, he's careful and determined. he's daring and competitive when he wants to be, and he's always challenging stahn to better himself and grow as a person. they challenge each other, but leon makes stahn consider things in ways he never thought of.

to him, even with imperfections, leon is perfect to him.

so of course, that's every reason to thank him.

but...]

Mm... I guess we need to clean up and get ready for the day. [besides:] ...That made me pretty hungry, eheheh...

[He doesn't completely understand every nuance to that statement, admittedly. Stahn is thanking him...for being him? It's something he's never been thanked for before (for obvious reasons, he doesn't always have the most stellar of personalities), but... he's not going to argue it if that's what Stahn wants to thank him for.

But he does cover up his mild puzzlement with another kiss, pressing their lips together gently.

He doesn't see it. He doesn't see what Stahn sees, and so he doesn't understand what Stahn is so awed about. But Stahn loves him for who he is, to the point that he wants to thank him for it, and that's good enough for Leon.]

... Fine then. [He'll let Stahn win this one, because he doesn't even know where he'd begin with arguing that. Besides...they're too comfortable and content like this to consider arguing now.]

I imagine the staff has been up for some time already. [Leon's quiet for a moment, before he looks a little embarrassed, glancing away.] I imagine they are wondering what's keeping us from breakfast.

[Or they already know, but that's even worse to contemplate.]

[he knows that leon may not understand all of what he thinks, especially when stahn himself isn't exactly going out of his way to explain why he feels so strongly. maybe one day—maybe one day, he'll be able to put into words why leon is more or less his moon and his stars.

but today is not that day.

he's content with leon, and it's enough for him that leon responds with gentle kisses; they warm his heart because he knows they're sincere even without words.]

Ah... You're probably right. You're usually up and out of the room by now, huh... [he'll (grudgingly) push himself up to sit straight. much as he would like to remain so close to leon all day, he knows he can't do that.

and... well, they're still kind of a sticky mess at this point anyway.

it doesn't occur to him at all that the staff could have heard them, either. even though they weren't quiet, there weren't any knocks on the door that he noticed, so for stahn, it's easy enough to assume that nobody was bothering to wake leon up.

(he's probably wrong. he's probably so very wrong, but stahn is pure and ignorant to the notion.)]

Okay, then! We'll get cleaned up and have a nice, big breakfast then! [he brightens up, finding a bit of his more proper energy...

now that the initial tired glow is fading, stahn's going to have more energy than ever today, that's for certain.]

[when Stahn sits up, Leon follows suit, vaguely tidying his hair out of habit more than anything else. But...it's making him think now. What Stahn said.

Usually he'd be up and about by now, even on days off. Usually....

But the staff hasn't come to knock.

They've been suspiciously absent, actually, and Leon is also realizing that they were not particularly quiet. But he is less pure than Stahn, and he also knows the staff better.

...what if they heard them.

What if that's what it was.

What if that's why they haven't come knocking.

Slowly, Leon's expression shifts from the satisfied contentment to something a little more pinched.

Ah.........

And he responds only vaguely.]

Yes...of course. I am sure breakfast will be fine...

[AAAAAAH]

[uh.

it's pretty hard for stahn not to notice the shift in his expression, especially not when it's followed by such a strange response. why... wouldn't breakfast be fine?

it's breakfast.]

Emilio... [yeah, he's still in that state where he's referring to leon by his true name. but his tone is less warm and... well, much more concerned.]

Is... something wrong? [why is he making that face? why is he responding like that? what changed all of a sudden?!

stahn's still not thinking anywhere near the way leon is, so he's completely puzzled and concerned that..] Are you hurt somewhere?

[He's not surprised Stahn is concerned, but he also has no intentions of sharing his worries. In this...it's not worth it to cause Stahn embarrassment and distress. Leon can handle it just fine, so there's no need for anything else.

Mostly though, Leon just wants stahn to be able to interact with them as he usually does, without concerns like these getting in the way.

So he's taking a breath, getting prepared to brush it off, when Stahn continues, and then Leon just furrows his brows.

What????]

What? Why would I be hurt? You didn't do anything harmful.

I... mm, yeah, but—

[okay, leon has a point there. he didn't really do anything that could hurt leon, and if he'd done something, they'd probably know by now.

but it doesn't stop stahn from fumbling over his words a bit—is he worrying for nothing? well, yes, probably. but he still seems a bit flustered by it, since something was clearly bothering leon.]

You looked... like something was bothering you.

...It's nothing.

[He'll just go ahead and offer that up immediately, shaking his head and managing a calmer expression.

He'll be fine.

Probably.

He'll just try not to think about it.]

Come on. [Leon just reaches up and with an almost teasing gesture, tugs at a strand of Stahn's hair that's in front of his face.]

Let's get cleaned up.

Oh... yeah.

[he brows are still a bit knit, even with the way leon teases and encourages him not to think about it, it's hard to shake. for that moment, leon looked so bothered... what was it?

even if he's already shrugged it off, something got to leon that he's not sharing and he's not really sure what to make of it, but he'll nod his head.]

I guess we do have a mess to clean up. [of course, this is all stupid because when the staff comes in to clean the room later, they're going to be able to smell it in the air.

but whatever, it's fine. it's not like stahn would even know that anyway.]

[Yeah, there's not really going to be any hiding what happened.

Especially because then Leon's going to get up and head towards the bathroom.

They can probably take a quick bath together, he thinks, if they don't waste too much time in there--

And then he looks in the mirror.

The marks Stahn left are clear and prominent, especially on Leon's already clear skin, and for a moment, he's not actually sure what to make of them, lips parted slightly in surprise as he blinks.

Ah....?????]

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